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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Of Course, It’s Possible the Mirror is Broken; or, More of My Petty Demands

Why do the department-store mirrors hate me?

No worries, Pearl! you say. It’s not personal. The mirrors hate everyone.

Good point – thank you – and yet, there’s only one jaundiced-looking body I’m staring at over here; and it’s mine.

I mean for cryin’ out loud, look at this lighting, would ya? Someone whose skin tones are pallidly apologizing from the cold-blue-and-flickering-yellowish light of these try-on rooms should not be purchasing new clothing. I mean, look at her! Clearly the person in that mirror is ill.

No point in buying new clothes, honey! Think of your friends: Put the clothes back and save your money for the booze they’ll need at the wake!

If I had a place, a place where I was encouraging you to take off your clothes to put on different clothes in the hopes of making a buck or two – whether it be a department store, a theater, or a dorm room – I’d make sure there was fantastic lighting. Soft, peachy shades that spoke of vitality, of youthful exuberance, vanity lighting that said “Hey! You look pretty hot for an older chick!”, lighting that said “yes” to thoughts of the beach.

Because frankly, when I start disrobing, I’m not looking for criticism. Call me old-fashioned, but I’m looking for reassurance and a sense of gratification; and whether I’ve taken my clothes off for a new pair of pants, for sex, or because they’re doing a “wood-tick check at the bus-stop” – again! – I’m going to need proper lighting.



I demand lighting indulgence!

53 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Those change rooms are a living hell.

Hilary said...

Every woman's worst enemy.. especially those rooms with three angled mirrors.

R. Jacob said...

I make it a point always to offer reassurance to a woman disrobing.

Pearl said...

Delores, I'm surprised I buy any clothing at all...

Hilary, I've seen horrible things in those angled mirrors!

R. Jacob, a wise man indeed!

Russ said...

You would think that they would put better lighting (read, make you look better) just to encourage you to buy more clothes!

Eh, what are you going to do?

Cocktail Party said...

LOL! That was funny :) Also, some mirrors make u look slimmer. I loveeee them :)

Simply Suthern said...

Sometimes there is just too much light in the dressing rooms.

Plus is better to have the 3 angled mirrors than a two way mirror.

Susan in the Boonies said...

I have said this same thing so many times. I'm telling you, sales would increase exponentially if stores would just invest in good lighting. Instead of causing women to break down crying and run screaming from the dressing room, they'd buy all those outfits that were making them look so young and vibrant.

The person in charge of the lighting budget is clearly a man. They couldn't possibly get what they're doing to us.

Guys all think THEY look GREAT when they see themselves in the mirror, anyway.

Scarlet Blue said...

I've given up on lighting; the only thing that works for me is a blindfold.
Sx

Douglas said...

I always thought that the fluorescent lighting gave skin a greenish tint. When I was young and tanned, I didn't notice. Now that I am old and wrinkled, I try not to look anyway.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Ah...the dressing room mirror. That ole sum-bitch. It hates me too.
(Lol at R. Jacob up there. A wise man indeed. O:-)

jabblog said...

Changing rooms? Buying clothes? I've reached the all-enveloping head-to-toe shapeless garment stage - at least I don't have to hold anything in, or even stand up straight!

alwaysinthebackrow said...

Exactly!
And, @cocktail party,where can I get one of those mirrors?

Eva Gallant said...

I need details regarding the tick check at the bus stop! lol

Crystal Pistol said...

Wood tick check at the bus stop?!!! oh boy. That's funny!

I agree about the lighting in some places. It's enough to make ya wanna chew glass.

The Jules said...

I was convinced I was a vampire when I stripped naked and couldn't see my own reflection, no matter how much I jumped up and down and waved my limbs.

Later, the judge said I should really learn the difference between mirrors and windows.

Macy said...

I can take any kind of changing room except communal
I most definitely do not do communal...

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

So I bought the dress. It looked good in the claustrophobic, ill-lit dressing room. THEN I saw a photo of myself in said dress. Goodbye dress, say hello to Goodwill.
Rosemary

Shelly (La Tejana) said...

Very intriguing about the wood tick- please share some time-

Will Burke said...

I had no idea that bus stops could be so interesting! I took the bus until I was about 34, and saw no wood tick inspections. Guess I've had a sheltered life.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

I'm with you, Pearl, on the depressing reality of dressing room lighting and mirrors. I love your idea about peachy tones and kind lighting!

Roses said...

Amen sistah.

I do not try things on in a changing room unless of absolute, life-or-death necessity.

There's a reason my head doesn't swivel round 360'. It's a bad idea to truly understand how much my ass has spread. Neither do I need to see the effects of gravity on the rest of me either.

Ignorance is bliss, damnit.

IndigoWrath said...

Hey Pearl! Good grief, I feel I look permanently lemony. Is it the lighting?! Am I actually a rosy-cheeked god in daylight? Thank you, a huge relief. I'll not check, of course. Indigo x

Leenie said...

YES!

And might I add...WHY do they have the AC up on high when I'm trying on bras? Temperature changes things...

Almost Precious said...

Well now you have us all wondering about the wood tick episode. Guess you're saving that post for another day? Right Pearl? Huh Pearl? Pearl? Ooooh Puuurrraaaallll????

jenny_o said...

You are right about those dressing room lights.

Different, but just as bad, are the hairdresser lights which make my haircut look like a model's. Then I get home and look like hell. Maybe we would feel the same way about clothing if the dressing room lights were nicer, and we'd end up taking all the clothes back once we saw the truth...unfortunately I can't take back my haircuts :)

Belle said...

There is a store in Kelowna called The Bay that has mirrors in the changing room that make you look 10 pounds lighter. I actually asked a clerk once because I couldn't believe how good I looked. She admitted it!

24 Corners said...

You have the fine makings of a very important and much needed movement here Pearl! We're *paying* not only for clothing...but the fantasy that we really look great in them, and underneath them! Sign me up please!
xo J~

(Thanks btw for your sweet comment about Ginger ♥)

Z said...

Macy, those days of communal changing rooms were hell, weren't they? On the other hand, nowadays the cubicles are so damn small that I can't step back far enough to get all of me in the mirror.

Gigi said...

I've given up on trying on clothes to see how they look. Now, I just try them on and if they fit I'll buy them and try them at home in my own mirror. And 9 times out of 10 they go back.

It would make my life a LOT less complicated if they would just fix the lighting and the mirrors at the stores!

ipenka said...

Dorm room...?

Nevermind!

ThreeOldKeys said...

I really REALLY hate the fitting rooms with harsh lighting, mean mirrors AND wood tick checks.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

You're right, Pearl. They'd do better to have no mirrors at all. I say: ban all mirrors in favor of wood tick checks! What a beautiful world it would be.

xoRobyn

Casey Freeland said...

I think candlelight would be awesome.

Cheers,

Casey

Linda O'Connell said...

Sheesh, it's bad enough Mrs. Clairol and I disgaree in broad daylight, but in a dressing room, my hair looks tangerine to shades of green, and I consider myself a brunette! Let's not talk about skin.

Bodacious Boomer said...

It should be mandated throughout the land that all dressing room mirrors be the kind in the fun houses that make you look long and leggy even if you're not.

Sioux said...

This makes me think of the Seinfeld episode, where Elaine bought a dress that looked hideous, but in the changing room, it apparently looked fabulous. She asked George something like, "Do you think I would buy it if I saw THIS in the mirror?"

Vapid Vixen said...

I was already snickering at "If I had a place, a place where I was encouraging you to take off your clothes to put on different clothes in the hopes of making a buck or two – whether it be a department store, a theater, or a dorm room"
but then the wood tick check at the bus stop comment sent me over. Awesomeness abounds.

Elizabeth Rose Stanton said...

I couldn't agree with you more! I have so very often wondered the same thing in said circumstance. Really...do they NOT want me to buy??!! So well put, as usual, Pearl :) :)

Joyful Things said...

I stand in those rooms, staring at myself in the mirror and think "what the hell happened!" unfortunately I look like that in good lighting. Bring on the tan in a can!

Pat said...

As long as it 's just me who's looking - I'm immured.

Jon said...

Thing is, Pearl, they need that bright, harsh, lighting, or the cameras won't work.

River said...

This is why I don't buy clothes.
Not clothes that need trying on anyway.

Leenie said...

LOL, Jon.

Shrinky said...

Hmn. Try magnifying that (oops, sorry) by being trapped in one of these boxes, trying on clothes next to your 5'11', size zero, teenage daughter. Depressing, or what?

Stacy Q said...

AMEN!!!
I buy most of my clothes at Costco. No dressing rooms. I often buy two sizes. The one I HOPE will fit, and the next size up, and usually end up returning the first one.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Once upon a time I bought a terribly cut swimsuit--but the dressing room was black-lit, making me look tan and thin and by golly, in real life I was a pasty freak show. You're right--lighting could do a lot for the whole shopping experience.

Brian Miller said...

it has been so long since i bought something that needed to be tried on...but i def like dropping a little encouragement at the disrobing....

TexWisGirl said...

too funny. i recently went to a store and tried on clothes (and bought some!) for the first time in almost over a year. i was shocked that the lighting was actually flattering! this place had re-done their fitting rooms and it was fabulous! i wanted to linger and admire myself a bit, but alas, things to do. and then i got home to my own mirror. sigh...

congrats on your POTW!!!

Elizabeth Grimes said...

Lol! Hilarious. I completely understand! Congrats on your POTW.

Out on the prairie said...

Lovely thoughts, I came home with olive looking pants that were brown when I got home with them.

spokalulu said...

Between you & your commenters, I laughed out loud several times. A well-deserved POTW!

Linda said...

Congratulations on your POTW, Pearl. Well deserved.