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Monday, September 26, 2011

I Am Amused Almost Everywhere I Go, or Dirrrrrrrty Deeds Done Dirty Cheap!

The weekend devoted to practice, a concert Sunday and the last concert Tuesday, today's post was originally posted almost a full year ago. I'll be back to writing new stuff soon!

I’m tired of being on the inside of my head. I need a new vantage point.

I want to be inside someone else’s head for a change.

For example, that guy over there. No, not that one. The one at the juke box. Have you been watching this guy?

“My man!” he shouts at the machine. In this case, it appears that George Thoroughgood is this guy’s “man”. One arm up in the air, faux-clutching what may be an imaginary lighter, our man at the juke box sways, enthralled. “B-b-b-b-bad to the bone!” he stutters.

He raises the beer he’s set onto the bar and pulls deeply from it. He belches. “Thazz mah dog,” he says to no one.

The next hour on the jukebox, however, is devoted, it seems, to the mid-80s; and we endure both the musical stylings of AC/DC and its Number One Fan.

“Done dirt cheap!” he bawls.

“Yeah, buddy,” someone at the bar agrees good naturedly. “AC/DC! Dirty Deeds!”

“Done dirt cheap!” yells/agrees our man at the juke box. He wanders over to where I’m sitting and jams an imaginary microphone in my face.

“Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap!” I yell into his fist. The crowd laughs and I raise my beer.

Why not.

Unencumbered by sobriety or, unfortunately, a belt, he returns to the jukebox, clutching at his droopy drawers with one hand and using the other to alternately direct the music pouring out through the speakers or touch the screen to choose what turns out to be more AC/DC songs.

Now, I enjoy AC/DC as much as the next three-chord-strummin’ rock band, but do they have anything else?

A crowd has gathered around him.

What is going on inside that head, I wonder. What time did he start drinking? Is he imagining that the dancing and singing in front of the jukebox is drawing a crowd, not as a drunken spectacle but in admiration? Why doesn’t he own a belt?

Wait – some of these women actually do appear to be admiring him – so what’s going on in their heads?

Hmm. First I want to vacation in his head – and then I want to vacation in one of those women’s heads.

I'm going to need a change of clothes, a pack of smokes, and, shortly thereafter, a strong soap.

And if I don't make it out in one piece, come visit me at the jukebox.

I'll be Tom Petty and you can be Johnny Cash.


Tom said...

Re-post or not, that's funny stuff.

jabblog said...

It would be fun - well, interesting - to be in someone else's head for a while, but suppose you couldn't get out again??

Pearl said...

Tom, thank you!

jabblog, in this case, if I could not get out, I would consider getting a tattoo. :-)

Anonymous said...

Thas right...down and dirty in someone else's head. Move over, I want to try yours on for size.

Pearl said...

Delores, there's LOTS of room in my head. :-) Come on in (but stay away from the short guy with the slogan-ed tee-shirts and the cigarette butt hanging from his lips. That guy's trouble.)

jenny_o said...

Tom beat me to the punch - I was going to say that the thing is, your posts are worth re-posting, so while I for one always look forward to new stuff, you're doin' just fine...and hopefully we'll hear about the concerts eventually, once you whip that material into the properly-Pearl-skewed formation :)

I haven't seen a jukebox for a long time. They may still exist in bars around here, but we haven't been to one in about thirty years. Yikes, I just realized how ancient we are. 'Scuse me while I go buy orthopedic shoes.

Pat said...

It's my problem I know but I never feel comfortable with - for want of a better word - drunks. I once amazed myself - and everybody - else by tossing MTL's third pint to the ground. Fortuitously we were outdoors on grass at the time.

Anonymous said...

id love to be in someone elses head for a while

Diane said...

Now my head hurts!

Vicus Scurra said...

This strange world on which you report is foreign to me.

Pearl said...

jenny-o, glad to hear it, and of course I will write on the concerts. You can't expect me to witness/be part of a stage full of people in black pants and white shirts, some of whom operate spit valves, without a written account later, can you?!

Pat, I can understand that. And there are different grades of "drunks". Generally speaking, I enjoy a happy spree with friends/family. There is a point, however, where things may turn unexpectedly maudlin or just plain stupid that I do not enjoy, and I'm not afraid to step out/away.

laughteriscatching, I recommend it. It's kinda weird out there!

Diane, probably a contact-hangover. :-) Sorry.

Vicus, I don't believe you. :-)

Simply Suthern said...

I might as well be in somebodies head cause right now I am out of my mind.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I'm pretty sure I've seen that guy, Pearl, or at least some of his very closest relatives. And not at the monkey house at the zoo either. There's one in every bar where there's music. A guy like your guy I mean, not a monkey. That would be pointless. Unless they can carry beer then hmmm...why not!

darlin said...

LOL fantastic bit of writing... who hasn't wanted to let loose and be that guy? Raise your hands if you've wanted to be this guy, even for just an hour. Seriously... nope I don't see no hands going up.

Have a great day and take it away Tom!

Eva Gallant said...

Never mind getting into someone else's head, I'd like to be getting head--whoops! Did I say that out loud?

aBroad said...

Have I told you that you are also Pretty Amusing ... wherever you go?
besos. C

Belle said...

I often wonder what people are thinking inside their heads. I've asked some guys in my life and they usually answer, "Nothing."

Douglas said...

"What is going on inside that head, I wonder."

In a word... nothing. But it's in three chords.

And here I sit, listening to Spirit because I am trapped in the 60's.

Crystal Pistol said...

I love your "why not" mentality. I am of the same school of thought. :)

HermanTurnip said...

"First I want to vacation in his head – and then I want to vacation in one of those women’s heads."

I fear you might not like what you see. Pro Tip: Bring a bar of Lava soap to wipe your mind once done "vacationing"... ;-)

K A B L O O E Y said...

Hey, now our Halloween's are set. You: Tom Petty and all of us: Johhny Cash. Maybe Joakin Phoenix can show up and pull a switcheroo: June Carter! I may go rogue and be Roseanne Cash.

the walking man said...

You be Tom Petty and I'll be Paolo Nutini

That gentleman's lady said...

Please don't visit his head.

You might come back permanently scarred with AC/DC tattooed on your forehead :D

Anonymous said...

Bahaha....ahhh the jukebox hog. Gotta love the conviction of them. Except for the one I encountered one grey winter afternoon in September 2001. She insisted on playing Whitney Houston's take on 'I will always love you' not once, not twice, not even thrice. I think it got up to around five when the barman leapt over the counter, unplugged the machine and suggested in no uncertain terms she leave the premises in an orderly manner.
We shall never speak of this again.
On a brighter note my cousin is in the video for AC/DC's 'Long way to the top' and I am friends with Bon Scott's son.
BTW adore YOUR choice of music.
I hereby follow you madam :)

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Brian Johnson from AC/DC lives in Troll County. He's working on a "light opera in the style of Gilbert and Sullivan" with the local Opera Company.

3 chords and a scream pays well but I guess he's looking for new challenges at this point in his life.

KalpanaS said...

or perhaps being John Malkovich might be more fun, huh? :)

KalpanaS said...

Being John Malkovich might be more fun? :)