I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Cat is Lobbying for Better Working Conditions

The Cat Labor Laws have been posted on the fridge.

Hmmm. Now who would do that?

Of the two cats, I just don’t believe Dolly Gee Squeakers (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers) has it in her.

Dolly’s concern regarding labor laws and fair play go no further than making sure that I continue to labor (the cat box in particular is a source of nail-biting concern for her); and as far as fair play is concerned, Dolly’s own sense of it is called into question on a regular basis.

Witness the Ball of Yarn Fiasco, which Ball she took, by force, from Liza Bean.

Amusingly enough, Dolly Gee found herself completely entwined in said yarn, the result of dragging it around in circles, in and out of furniture legs to the point that she became lashed to a chair.

The mewing was piteous yet amusing.

No, Dolly’s not the one concerned that she may be asked to do a little work around the house.

That leaves Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) as my prime suspect.

Have you seen the Cat Labor Laws?

Let me pull a couple of these laws for you. I think you’ll agree with me that the Cat Union is strong indeed.

No Cat shall work more than 20 minutes without a Grooming Break.

No Grooming can be done properly in under 30 minutes.

And of course…

Laps shall be provided, preferably those of slightly overweight women, upon demand.

And perhaps the most telling bit of documentation scotch taped to the refrigerator:

All grievances between Cats and Humans will be settled by the Cat winding in and out of the Human’s ankles whilst the Human stands at the top of a flight of stairs.

I'm not sure this Cat Labor Union really have their members’ best interests at heart.  After all, Liza Bean almost always has a grudge of some sort, and it’s gonna be hard for me to open a can of cat food from a heap at the bottom of the stairs.

38 comments:

Diane said...

Cat blog day! You at the bottom of the stairs. Me, beneath the carport roof.

Audubon Ron said...

Get.Your.Butt.Off.The.Counter.

Lisa said...

Oh my word. And have you heard how they've built up their strike fund?

Joanne said...

CATititude is the first tenant of the law--and she has it.

Pat said...

Would mediation help? I could drop everything and come over.

Vinny C said...

I'm all for the rights of the (really) little guy, but what are they willing to give in return? More efficient mouse catching? Proper hairball sanitation measures?

Fair is fair, after all.

Julianna said...

I guess the unions have really taken over this country...

GreatGranny said...

Last night after TV off, I didn't know Kassey was in the room, must have been hiding. I started walking down the hall and she walked between my feet. Recently she has nearly tripped me. I'm thinking what if I'm in the floor, can't get up and nobody calls.....Cats, can't live with'em, can't live without 'em.....LOL There oughta be a rule here, but cats rule...lol

jenny_o said...

As unnerving as it is to have them up at eye level making the finer points of their laws, it's much worse when, as you say, they negotiate from ankle height.

smalltownme said...

My cats Homer and Francine have a plot to get fed dinner twice. They are often successful.

jabblog said...

I find I have to give in to cat demands - there are too many ways they can show their disapproval.

Not So Simply Single said...

Ahhhhh so cute.... Love your kitty.

I have three... maybe they are cousins. They go on strike in the afternoon when its naptime.

Lisa

Eva Gallant said...

That definitely sounds like the work of Liza Bean Bitey. Dolly Squeakers would have included something about smoking and emptying ashtrays!

Saimi said...

I had to turn the computer away from my cat who happens to be laying right beside me so she won't get any ideas!

24 Corners said...

Her look says it all...she's definitely the responsible party...and I think very proud of it too!
xo J~

Doubting Thomas said...

That is a very imperious look on her face. I suspect a trip to the bargaining table is close at hand... something about more tuna. Keep an eye out from a letter from her union rep ;)

alwaysinthebackrow said...

Unionized cats....that would imply cats working together-unlike the human theory regarding the difficulty in the herding of cats. I say, call her bluff. The union will disintegrate quickly should a laser light flicker on the floor or wall of the union hall.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Don't give in on anything. Once they get their foot in the door, they will kill you with the details.

willfulresemblance said...

humm, Mingus has been rather off putting lately and I thought it was some sort of protest. Maybe they are gathering forces at night while we sleep.

Leenie said...

LOL! This place not only has the coolest post in blogdom but the comments are always superb. I'm with alwaysinthebackrow. Call her bluff and the laser light flicker could be quite useful. Problem is she knows where you sleep...

The Elephant's Child said...

Dogs have masters and Cats have slaves. Or at least in this house.

Vapid Vixen said...

Sounds completely fair to me. And Liza Bean? Pain in the ass or not, I would give her whatever she asks for. Have you LOOKED at those eyes?

Friko said...

Be careful! Before you know it they'll have the Cat Protection League on the case.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

The cat knows people, you know? Take care.

R. Jacob said...

I think they have called in some outside protection for help.
I sense a movie title "I didn't push her, she fell", possibly a Hitchcock thriller being made.

Belle said...

I love how the grievances will be settled! My dog is continually trying to trip me and kill me.

Antares Cryptos said...

What a relief.

For a moment I thought they were going to demand 23 instead of 22 hours per diem of nap time.

Cloudia said...

Glad we have no stairs!



Aloha from Waikiki;

Comfort Spiral


> < } } ( ° >



><}}(°>

Travis Erwin said...

As a union official I might try and negotiate a few of thee into our next contract.

HermanTurnip said...

I'd say "no" to their demands. Let them strike! It'll be cute to see them prancing around while holding tiny cat-sized protest posters.

Deborah said...

Wonderful :o)

Clipped Wings said...

You have me laughing! Some cats can be excruciatingly demanding.

Hospitable Scots Bachelor said...

How naive can you get Pearl? Since when did any cat have its owners best interest at heart? Judging from the imperious expression of the one in the pic you probably do pretty much as you are told. Jump to it now that bowl of milk is nearly empty!!!!!!!

River said...

You need to come up with your own set of laws so you have something to bargain with. Fair's fair.

aBroad said...

I heard the best Cat Labor Negotiators are Dogs.

besitos.

Susan in the Boonies said...

Isn't Liza Bean gorgeous? Have you clicked on her, now that we have the new "Light Box" feature from Blogger? She's so BIG!!! And BEE-YOOO-TEE-FUL!!!!

And yes, she's the obvious choice for whodunnit.

WrathofDawn said...

Did a proper LOL at the grievance one.

Just remind said cats that you have THUMBS. Opposible ones, in fact. The kind required to open cat food cans.

Yeah, yeah, kittehs. Suck. It. Up.

ipenka said...

I wonder what the union "dues" would be.

Dead mice? Catnip?