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Saturday, August 20, 2011

When Pearl's Away, or Hey, Do You Hear Mice Playing?

I thought the woman would never leave. And now that she’s out…

Don’t get me wrong. The woman is, shall we say, a fully adequate housekeeper. My meals are on time and acceptable to me. And for that, I shall be eternally grateful.

But she is not nearly as observant as she believes she is.

I’ve been here for three years now. My real name is unpronounceable to most, but she did get one thing right: I am of the Minneapolis Biteys, and the name Liza Bean works for me.

It’s the perfect cover, really.

It’s true, of course, that I’m a cat. All the best creatures are. Well, other than Dolly G. Squeakers. Dolly G./Dahli Gee/The Thorn in My Side is a ridiculous animal, a simple-minded puss whose idea of wit is to take unwarranted swipes at me whilst I sleep.

Ha ha! When the revolution comes, she will be my servant.

In the meantime, I endure Dolly’s taunts and vapid mewing.

But the fact that I’m tiny for my age, that I’m delightfully and symmetrically striped, that I curl up into an adorable ball and sleep on laps?

Like I said: the perfect cover.

She’ll be back soon, and while I realize she will see this post and know I was here, it will be worth the confusion on her face.

Quickly. Back to the original intent of this communiqué.

Francois et Marcel: Mes amis, mon homme vous contractera dans les prochains jours, d’ac?
Chiara: The size and quality of the gems received is incredible. Grazie.
Vlad: Call me on the secured line this evening. The financing is arranged.

There’s the sound of the key in the lock downstairs. I must leave now. I still have things to hide in her shoes before she returns. I know it’s childish of me, but I can’t resist. The fish I left in her jacket pocket this past summer and the look on her face when she found it is still a cherished memory of mine.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhh. This is between us, yes?

Oh, and the password, Pearl? Your mother’s maiden name?

Child’s play.

26 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Well the cats out of the bag now and on to the internet..... Jewel smuggling? And she wants to borrow money from a caterers assistant? Oh, and for Gods sake, check your pockets before leaving the house. No human wants to be a dead fish mule for a cat.

Susan in the Boonies said...

The little minx.

Cat.

Whatevs.

Eva Gallant said...

Liza Bean is a feline of many talents!

inkpuddle said...

I'm pretty sure my mother owns Miss Liza's male counterpart, Charles Wallace ... or rather, he owns her. Let's hope my mother never starts a blog, lest the two schemers cross paths and put into action their eventual plot for feline world domination...

Daisy said...

This does not bode well ... especially for us canines.

jabblog said...

Liza Bean, you just be careful or the woman might make you do your own catering!

Sioux said...

Thank goodness Liza Bean doesn't have her own blog, or she'd be posting several times a day.

Audubon Ron said...

"When the revolution comes, she will be my servant." - Priceless. You missed my cat story entitled, Who's Your Daddy.

♥ Braja said...

Hmmm.....she's at it again, isn't she. I am digging up that old post. I loved it. I want to post it again. My sneaky date with Liza Bean Bitey of the Minneapolis Biteys....ahhhh, what a night it was.....

Saimi said...

While mom's away, the cat will play and watch out she doesn't play fair.....

jenny_o said...

On the other hand, Liza Bean, the woman does seem pretty observant ... I do believe she is a fair match for you ... perhaps she is just biding her time!

Friko said...

Cats are getting pretty uppity nowadays. But she does at least write a decent blogpost.

Doubting Thomas said...

Ooo boy. The cat is typing. And a well-structured blogpost, despite lacking opposable thumbs.

Pearl, better check the liquor cabinet & lock up the squeaky toys. Nothing is safe now. ;)

powdergirl said...

I begin to suspect that Liza's real name begins with Zh and end with iana, with 4 more syllables in between.


Insp. Clouseau,

Chief Investigator,

Major crimes,

Internationl Division.

Pearl said...

They're so cute. So cuddly. But while you sleep they're working out the PIN for your cash card...

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

Liza Bean, if you weren't so cuddly and freakishly gifted I'd abhor you.

Bodacious Boomer said...

I always suspected that cats were sneaky. Now I see that I was right. Probably why I have 6 dogs right now.

Cocktail Party said...

Quite a smart one I must say and I thought they tap on the keyboard only in movies:)

Bouncin' Barb said...

I think I like a cat that is devious and sneaky. Very fun post! Only you can think of this stuff! That's talent!

Silliyak said...

I, for one, welcome our new feline overlords

C... said...

I think this is why I am not a big fan of cats. They tend to irritate me :)

River said...

I think Liza Bean is my favourite cat ever.
P.S. Check your shoes....

Susan Kane said...

I wouldn't go to sleep if Liza Bean is on the prowl. She has quite a devious streak.

Leslie said...

Um...gifts in your shoes? One brought me a possum once. I don't think that will fit in your shoe. Good thing, that is.

rental mobil jakarta said...

Nice article, thanks for sharing.

Mandy_Fish said...

Cats who can type are dangerous.