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Saturday, August 13, 2011

I Believe A Strongly Worded Rebuke May Be In Order

I’m not naming names here – particularly since that would run counter to my desire to remain blame-free – but for the third day in a row, someone has forgotten to make my bed.

The bedspread is heaped at its foot, the sheet still thrown back as if I’ve just left, and there is a sleeping cat on my pillow.

This is not how it looks in the magazines.

It’s difficult, isn’t it, working full-time and trying to maintain a house. I’ve sold the day by the hour, the nights are for writing, the weekends for friends and family.

People think I’m funny – for a variety of reasons that don’t bear close inspection – but I’ve been known to take vacation days just to stay home and rearrange furniture.

My floors, for example. When were they last scrubbed? I’m thinking that if you cannot recall the last time you scrubbed your floors, it’s been a long time indeed. My kitchen floor is dotted with tiny, chalk outlines of the items that have fallen and died there.

The cats have taken to wearing shoes in the house.

And what of my closet? The floor of it is no longer visible, and if we push through my wardrobe far enough, you’ll see that there’s an upright-walking goat back there, just beyond the trees.

People don’t just make that stuff up, you know.

Ah, well, autumn is coming; and that’s what it’s for: a seasonally enforced buckling down, a reminder that winter lurks and is thinking, casually, of killing you.

You’ll, of course, want to tidy up for it.

39 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Housework will kill you long before winter will. I say, "Let them wear shoes."

Shelly said...

Ha! There are certain times of the year, like now just after school has started, that I think I could enter Narnia through my closet-

Simply Suthern said...

Unmade beds are more inviting. Theres no stacking decorative pillows at the side of the bed. No pillow shams to move. Just crawl in and enjoy.

Macy said...

Rules is rules Pearl. And I like yours about days for working, nights for writing and weekends for family and friends.
This dirty house guilt thing is a waste of time - and spectacularly not shared by any men I know.

fishducky said...

You have to keep your priorities straight--HOUSEWORK MAKES YOU UGLY!

Pearl said...

Ack! You guys are right! I'm setting this broom down, just as soon as I get this little bit over...

Ack!

Gigi said...

Have you been spying on me? You described my house to a tee!

R. Jacob said...

It appears it is almost time for spring cleaning. No need to rush it along! A goat, really?

light208 said...

Housework might not kill you, but is it really worth the risk? There are far more interesting things to spend time on.

Sarah Has Moxie said...

"An upright walking goat" oh Pearl, do they have those on clearance yet at Fleet Farm? I need one of those for the backyard, too, since I have not mowed in 2 weeks....

Pearl said...

Gigi, I'm so sorry. :-) Someone had to say it!

R.Jacobs, get thee to a library, my friend! The Chronicles of Narnia! :-)

light208, you and I are in wild agreement here. Now if I could just stop the pioneer-style woman in my head from scolding me for not buckling down on the floors...

Sarah! Darling! You want I should run down to Fleet Farm and pick you up a carton of goats?!

alwaysinthebackrow said...

Yes, and I have realized that I have sold my days much too cheaply. That, btw, is an absolutely spectacular comment on our society-selling our days.
Cleaning is such a fruitless endeavor. You clean, and clean, and then clean some more. When you turn around, it just needs to be done again.

Susan in the Boonies said...

Mr. Tumnus!!!

How'd he get across the Atlantic, anyway?

You know, in Narnia it's always winter, and never Christmas.

A chilling thought, no?


Best line: My cats have taken to wearing shoes in the house.

Funny stuff, my PearlieGirl!

Bossy Betty said...

OF course you can't make the bed if there is a sleeping cat on it. What were you thinking?

♥ Braja said...

I have some really cool cat shoe designs, if Liza Bean & Co are, like, hangin' for some newbies....

Vapid Vixen said...

I think this might be one of my favorite posts of yours so far. So many quotable lines where to start?
However, "People think I’m funny – for a variety of reasons that don’t bear close inspection" I'll have to disagree with. This should be delved into a little deeper. A poll perhaps?

Leenie said...

I'm sorry I'm still hung up on the passage to Narnia you found in your closet. Why are you still here?

That gentleman's lady said...

Alright alright, I'll remember to make your bed next time!!!!!

And please, no talk of Winter just yet :-/

Pat said...

OMG! Nearly 6pm and just realised I haven't made the bed. BUT the French windows have been open all day so - nothing like a good airing is there?

Doubting Thomas said...

Sounds like Liza Bean is the culprit... despite the lack of opposable thumbs I'm sure she should be taken to task for the bed messiness.

Glad to know other parts of the country have weather conspiring against them. Summer in Texas currently has a hit out on most of us. :)

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Hi, saw you visited the kampground! Thought I'd take a little look-see, you being from MN. My kids and their kids live there. I am old school and find it hard to sleep in an unmade bed .... I have been known to make the bed right before I crawl in, though. I figure as long as the bathroom and kitchen are clean I can deal with all the rest "later", but like your cats I always wear shoes, what with a new puppy in the house!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Housework is overrated, and never to be performed in the summer. Or in the fall, if the weather is warm and sunny. Never thought to look for that passage to Narnia; it would explain a lot.

Roses said...

Housework? What is this 'housework' of which you speak? I know not.

Why would you want to give up your precious time to scrub floors? Not when there's writing to be done, work (ugh), alcohol to drink, friends to see, cats to try and keep under control...and that's only the stuff you've blogged about.

Eva Gallant said...

Cleaning is just an exercise in futility!

jabblog said...

We take our shoes off when we leave the house . . .

WrathofDawn said...

My mother could make a bed around a sleeping cat without annoying the cat. My housekeeping is so far below her standards it's just as well that she's aleady passed away because seeing my house would kill her. But then I remind myself that she didn't have to work outside the home 9 to 5, nor did she have to do the repairs/maintenance around the house that my father took care of and I am responsible for all of it and I feel better. So I treat myself to a coffee and a blog read and then I... wait a minute... I'm seeing a connection here... *steps away from the computer*

powdergirl said...

Seems we might share a closet...

jenny_o said...

One of my favourite quotes is that keeping house is like stringing beads on a string with no knot at the end (Pearl Buck, I believe).

Last one out of bed has to make it. This means YOU, kitteh!

Julianna said...

I never make the bed. What's the point?

I also don't usually fold the sheets, just throw them in the closet until I need them. Why? Because just the other day I looked at that mess of sheets and said, "I really should fold those all nice and neat." Which I did. And within 5 minutes, the cat puked on the bed, and here I was unfolding all of my newly folded sheets and putting them on the bed.

see... pointless.

But I'm with you on the fall thing... that's when I get all my "deep cleaning" done in the house. :)

Bouncin' Barb said...

I love my bed made but Bruce hates it. He says we're only going to mess it up later. So the only time I get to enjoy it when I change the sheets.

klahanie said...

Hi Pearl,
Yes it's me, visiting from my shy and humble blog to check y'all out.
My goodness, don't you have the knack of discussing quotidian topics and make them seem interesting.
Now then and this will thrill you, I clean up my house and yes...are you ready? ...I can multi-task. I have this question for you? Why is it that I can never find fitted sheets that actually fit on the bed?
And speaking of seasons, Pearl. Did you know that summer is the warm part of the British winter?
Take care eh...I'm outta' here....

R. Jacob said...

hmm,a library, where they have the book thingys on shelfs?

Jon said...

Here's an idea: change your job and become a professional scrubber of floors. Then you could contract to do your own. It would probably be tax deductable. Or something.

Tempo said...

Winter is about done here in OZ, today was one of the first 'shorts and tee's' days, the beach was crowded, people were all out enjoying walks, runs, bike riding or, like me, they went to see something in the outdoors. (car racing)
Enjoy the warm weather while you can Pearl, it will be coming our way shortly...and I'm NOT giving up any of it..

Bushman said...

I love that line. Winter lurks and is thinking of killing you. Is summer almost over already?
Bullspit I say.

vanilla said...

So much fun to be had, and so little time in which to have it.

Daisy said...

I clean my house every 10 years or so...whether it needs it or not. I do "air" my bed daily, which I think counts as "housecleaning".

Pat Tillett said...

You'll have to get to the pile in your closet sooner or later, because I'm sure your winter and fall clothes are in there somewhere.
I'm totally with you on this. That is why we waste money on a nice lady who comes and cleans for us. If I could only get to her to detail my car...

Audubon Ron said...

I Believe A Strongly Worded Rebuke May Be In Order

or, you could remonstrate, be it ever so gentle.