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Thursday, July 7, 2011

You Might Want to Get That Mole Checked Out

Let us begin by acknowledging that winter in Minneapolis looks different than summer in Minneapolis.

I’m not referring to the discarded bits of tongue left on random elementary school swings; nor do I refer to the piles of slush that line the alleys following a plowing, only to develop into a car-punishing obstacle course upon freezing.

No. That’s not it.

I submit to you, instead, the heady re-introduction of publically exposed flesh.

A woman got on the bus this morning wearing what was clearly a swimsuit cover-up.

And nothing else.

It was 6:30.

The criss-cross cut of the back showed off her impressive rear view, the deeply cut arm holes exposing the lack of mammary support. The bottoms of her buttocks hung ever-so-slightly lower than the hem of the off-white garment; and judging from the look on the face of the woman across the aisle from where she sat, there may not have been underwear involved.

All that for the price of a bus pass! What started as just another work day has evolved into a combination medical exam/peep show. I am giddy with guilty pleasure. What's next? Espresso machines? Soft cuddly puppies to hold?

You know, we don’t often get that look around the neighborhood – at least not during the morning commute. Say what you will, but large quantities of exposed, dimpled flesh before work – particularly when it’s not your own – will go a long way towards pepping you up some. Here I’d been thinking it was going to be just another day when I am reminded, in one fell swoop, that we’re out of milk, that something on the grill would be nice for dinner, and that I've been meaning to re-read Moby Dick for quite some time now.

Summer’s too short – in all kinds of ways.

47 comments:

jabblog said...

Some people never learn what is appropriate - or not:-)

Pearl said...

And thank heavens for that! :-)

Unless I'm crabby or likewise irritable. Then they need to get out of eye sight...

Pearl

Nessa Roo said...

I am meaner than you. I whip out the cellphone and start taking pictures.

ellen abbott said...

you need to start carrying around a camera or at the very least pretend you are on the phone whilst you snap the surreptitious picture or two.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

I wonder if she was going to Wallymart?

Anonymous said...

Who needs a 'to do' list when the reminders are right there on the bus? --vanilla

Joshua said...

I cut off one of my own moles once. With a pair of scissors. I was probably 8 or 9 at the time.

You're welcome.

Drake Sigar said...

Are you trying to turn me on?

Simply Suthern said...

New "What Not To Wear" series.

"People of Walmart vs Summer Bus Riders"

Leenie said...

Hehe. What a nice morning perk. How about putting cottage cheese on that grocery list.

Joyful Things said...

I don't care what anyone says - if you are sitting on a public seat, put on underwear! or at least sit on a towel. I do the laundry in our household - I know about these things.

Oilfield Trash said...

I would have said she looked good just to keep your ego up.

George said...

I'm glad I have you to fill me in on what I'm missing by not taking the bus. I used to take the El when I lived in Chicago but amazingly I don't have any great memories like this. Maybe I was too droopy eyed when I was on the train.

injaynesworld said...

They walk among us -- and they breed. Love the to-do list she inspired. I didn't know the buses were still running with the shut down. Glad they are. Wouldn't have wanted to miss this one.

aBroad said...

Before I take a bus with you, I think I want to wait for the soft cuddly puppies ...
love

Pat Tillett said...

She was probably on her way to Walmart to do some shopping. I would have risked a confrontation and taken at least a couple of photos.

R. Jacob said...

I am thinking of walking....with eyes closed!

Daisy said...

I'm speechless! My eyeballs would have fallen out!

Katie said...

People of walmart photos here she comes!!!!!

www.brewingdaily.blogspot.com

HumorSmith said...

What? I've been banished from your blogroll??? How humiliating.....

Kristy said...

Way too early for that. Uncalled for.

jenny_o said...

Maybe she was doing her laundry. All of it. All at once. Except for the cover-up.

Eva Gallant said...

Ah the joys of summer and public transportation. I would tend to agree with some of the other commenters....she must have been on her way to Walmart!

Bouncin' Barb said...

Pearl, I see that kind of sight everywhere around here. People feel they can grocery shop like that and think nothing of it. It's gross.

Roses said...

Sounds much like summer in Norwich.

I once saw a woman walking down the main drag of the shopping district wearning nothing than a skimpy bikini and flip flops.

Unfortunately, the bikini was so skimpy, playing find the straps made it look like she'd just stuck postage stamps over the censored bits.

Sometimes, some peoples' summer dressing gives the wearing of a burkha a credible argument.

Leslie said...

Hmm...makes me glad KC lacks in the public transportation department...

haphazardlife said...

Hmmm. Maybe I should start taking the bus in the morning again...

Mamma has spoken said...

I love people like this. Not so much to be friends with but to look at and make them the butt of many jokes.
I know, I'm headed to hell for that, but I can't help myself......

Linda O'Connell said...

She must have hitch hiked up your way. I saw her last week down here in St. Louis wearing
the same outfit, leaving a casino. I figured she'd lost her ass or her mind.

Middle-aged Mormon Man said...

I've been spending the week at the beach with the family. I believe the ratio of "eye candy" to "visual affliction" is running about 1:40. I also believe that I fall into the latter category.

Sioux said...

I guess in your part of town, there doesn't need to be any bars that lure men in with, "Girls! Girls! Girls!" because the girls without underthings on are riding the buses...

IndigoWrath said...

So you're saying I can't wear these loose shorts? Damn you to snow, Pearl!

Gigi said...

Normally, you'd have me up in arms over inappropriately dressed people (seriously?? Plastic flip-flops are NOT appropriate wear for Casual Friday!) but this time you left me stunned with "discarded bits of tongue left on random elementary school swings...."

You truly have a gift, Pearl. A gift.

Sybil said...

Stumbled across this blog post and am deeply hurt by your unkind comments about my beach cover up.

The Bug said...

I read you every day without commenting (because your little comment box is blocked at work which is when I do most of my blog hopping), but today I just have to chime in. That casual reference to Moby Dick did me in - thank goodness I didn't actually howl out loud (the boss frowns on that). I wish I could ride a bus to work. Really!

Belle said...

Hilarious! I wouldn't know where to look.

Mandy_Fish said...

*Claps*

You should make a book for people watchers and name the type and genus. Like a field guide. Mating calls. Winter plumage vs. summer, etc. Like the Preppy Handbook but for Bus Riders.

Ideas? I got 'em.

That Janie Girl said...

That's funny...or not...

Anyway, have a great weekend!

Shelly said...

Gaaaa!!! We just got back from the beach and if I see one more person wearing too little with too much skin/flab showing, I might just go beserko on them. What is their thought process? Does their mirror tell them a different picture than what our eyes do?

Susan in the Boonies said...

I just totally laughed and laughed out loud. I was picturing me, and you, on the bus, exchanging a look of pure glee at the RAW material presented to you at that moment, for the pleasure of your blog readers later that very day.

Pearl! Pearl! The priceless gems that come your way!!! It's almost as if the stars and the planets align, specially for you!!!

Except, it's your genius that is what makes the Peep Show of Humanity not tawdry, but something to be reveled in.

I love you, Pearl!

Now....tell that woman to get some clothes on...pronto!

River said...

Yes. Please, please, start carrying a camera, or snap them with your cell phone.

Crystal Pistol said...

No need for a camera, Pearl. This is vivid. I can see her clearly. Too clearly.

She is sitting right next to me. I can't look away. My mouth is agape.

She glances over at me and asks, "Do you have a staring problem?"

Why do people always ask me that?

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

And I want muffins for breakfast. Free association, gotta love it.

Kea said...

OMC, that was hilarious, particularly as I bus every day (no car) in our small city. I've seen a lot, though confess have not seen (thank heavens) someone wearing only a bathing suit cover-up and nothing else.

Thanks for visiting my cat blog (Fuzzy Tales), however you found it. :-)

Joanie said...

I saw a lady the other day wearing an over-sized "wifebeater", most likely a swimsuit cover-up and she had nothing on underneath... and she was NOT young. Her boobs were nearly to her waist. Scary.

Russ said...

So what you never said, should she have been trying to pull this off? Or is that the male pigness in me coming out?

Jhon Baker said...

I guess it depends on what you mean by "large quantities".