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Friday, July 1, 2011

Well If I Had to Choose: Pick an Epoch, Any Epoch

If we’ve learned anything from the last four days – and I like to think that I learn something, oh, every four days or so – it is that no week is so long that it will not lead to a Friday.

And what a Friday! Why, for those of us in the U.S., this is a Friday with no Monday! Behold! The elusive extended weekend. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and help yourself to three days of leisure.

Suddenly, the working class is awash in time.

But what does my iPod say about it? Let’s take a peek, shall we?, because everyone knows that its shuffled songs, played during my morning commute, have prophetic qualities.

Shhh. Let’s listen.

Uprising by Muse
Just a Song Before I Go by Crosby Stills & Nash
Love Long Distance by Gossip
The Crunge by Led Zeppelin
Pieces of the People We Love by The Rapture
One for the Team by Tame the Beast
Get a Move On by The Quantic Soul Orchestra

And there you have it. And once I figure out what it means, I’ll be in touch.



You know, I was thinking the other day, and if I were to be forced – and I have no easy ideas on how this could happen, but let’s just run with it for the moment – if I were forced to choose another Period in time, I can tell you for sure that I would avoid the Carboniferous.

I would avoid this even over the one with the stampeding mastodons or the one where you’re chased by flying lizards.

Yep. I'll be steering clear of The Carboniferous Period.

Frankly, I don’t think I could take the weather. Humidly wilting, covered in elephant-sized ferns and two-thirds more oxygen present in the air than we have now: There’s gonna be trouble. Ay yi yi but you’re gonna get a rash.

And the millipedes? Up to lengths of ten feet long? My chest would explode.

I found a millipede in the house once. Three o’clock in the morning, I open the medicine chest and a three-inch dinosaur rears up on the last four of his milli legs and salutes.

I ‘bout had an accident.

Arthropods. I ask you.

So “no”. If pressed, this is where I stand.

If I were to be, for some unforeseeable reason, thrown out of the Neogene, I would not like to land in the Carboniferous Period.

45 comments:

Sioux said...

Studies show that most accidents happen in the bathroom.Perhaps that's why--that's where all the dinosaurs are lurking, waiting to pounce...

Pearl said...

Sioux, :-) good point!

Leslie said...

I haven't before considered the Carboniferous Period. However, based on this post, I must agree with you about it's unacceptability.

Second, on millipeds...we are common souls: http://thenewroof.blogspot.com/2011/06/awck.html

Ebendy said...

Great post full of suspense and mystery..Lol.Hope u good.I just dropped another bomb of a poem on my blog so come check it out, comment and share with friends.Good day.

George said...

I kind of like being able to use the toaster, so I'll stick with this time.

Daisy said...

I'd like to avoid the Carboniferous Period - unless it's warmer here. It's the first day of July and my tomatoes are still under cover. I'm wearing a sweater, for cryin' out loud! Ususally I'm complaining about the heat at this time. Even million legged dinosaurs are still hibernating. I WANT SUMMER! any Period will do.

Leenie said...

I'm with George. I like hot running tap water. Have a great no-Monday weekend.

Pearl said...

Toaster, curling iron, air conditioning. Love these things.

I'm just saying if I were to HAVE to choose... :-)

Eva Gallant said...

Let's hope we neve have to make that choice!

BTW, I recieved your chapbook, "I Was Raised To Be A Lert." Hubby and I BOTH read it and enjoyed it! Thanks!

Oilfield Trash said...

Your iPod is dead on today.

jabblog said...

I think I'll stick with the present, too, at least in the West. Fresh clean water on tap - my number one blessing, I think:-)

Miss Scarlet said...

Oh, you have the 4th of July coming up! So do we... but it'll probably go by uncelebrated here. Have a great time whatever you do... and I'll try not to get caught up in the Carboniferous Period - it doesn't sound very nice.
SX

Jhon Baker said...

I think I would just close my eyes and hope for the best.

Ponita in Real Life said...

Today is the extended weekend day for those of us north of the 49th... Too bad it's a rainy non-Friday.

And I've had the good fortune to NOT run into any dinosaurs in my bathroom at 3 a.m. Fresh hairballs? That's another story... *squish*

Anonymous said...

"'bout had an accident." Friday hilarity!

Your "shuffle" today actually contains a group I've heard of: C,S&N. --vanilla

Pearl said...

What?! There are July Fourths in the rest of the world as well?! :-) Three-day weekends for everyone!!

injaynesworld said...

Hey, Pearl... What will you do for bus stories with the gov't shutdown? Does that include the buses, too?

Happy 4th, my friend.

Joshua said...

If you're blogging from the Neogene, I think you need to share the technologies of time travel and blogging long distances through time and space.

Simply Suthern said...

More Humidity than we have now in the south? Yikes. I'd avoid it too. And then theres all them big bugs stuff you might step on. Then again it doesnt sound like there were a lot of things that might eat you aside from the 4 ft skeeters.

But if you had a deed to all the peat beds that was a forming you'd be rich in a few milliom years.

Simply Suthern said...

I will be honest I had to look it up. I thought you were referring to the minutes after my wife burned dinner and we were heading out the door to get something not turned into carbon.

Doubting Thomas said...

Seems there is a "rash avoidance fixation" working here... nothing a little therapy (or some Gold Bond) couldn't help ;)

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

I'd need to know more about my choices....

goatman said...

I am hearing snippets of disaster in the Minnesota (I was born in Mpls, Hennepin Cty).
Republicans seem to have avoided solving a $5 billion shortfall?
Yeah, why tax the rich; better to lay off all of those state workers.

Barbara Blundell said...

Last week my friend came round to help choose some party music and she produced a Frank Sinatra CD and said" What about this for when they're eating ? "Ok. Lets hear it "What was the first number ???" .....And now the end is near and so i face the final curtain .....Just the thing for a geriatric gathering !

Siv Maria said...

Nice blog, thought I would stick around for awhile and go exploring :) Have a wonderful LONG week-end.

Happy Frog and I said...

I hope you have a brilliant long weekend off. I was chuffed to bits when I saw the first song on your i-pod, one of my favourites. Led Zeppelin are also a win for me. I really do not like creepy crawlies so I think I would have had the same reaction as you!

aBroad said...

How do you pronounce it .... EEEE pok or Eh puk

I am listening to a mix of Adele and NarcoTango .. not bad .. on a bitter cold winter night ... besitos !!

Bossy Betty said...

You've been thinking too hard, Pearl. Have some candy and a coke.

WrathofDawn said...

"... no week is so long that it will not lead to a Friday."

This needs to be printed on a T-shirt.

WrathofDawn said...

And for those of us in the Canadia, this will be a Monday with no Friday! Happy Canada Day! w00t!

Shelly said...

I would not want to live in any earlier epoch, period. Too many critters with teeth and claws...

And even going back 200 years in the very spot where I now live, I would have been plunk in the middle of the cannibals that used to inhabit this area.

So I'm with you- now is the best.

Belle said...

It does not sound like a time I would like either. I would want to avoid the Dark Ages too so I wouldn't be burned at the stake.

HumorSmith said...

I dunno....maybe I'd have a better love life in an earlier epoch. I have to admit, I've never tried Carbon dating...

mrwriteon said...

Though -- and think about this -- you would get to see coal being made. That might be kind of a rush.

klahanie said...

Well hi there Pearl,
And yes, how's it goin' eh? I'm not going to leave much of a carbon footprint on here because I have to go back into the future, cause I'm like a few time zones ahead of you n'stuff.
Oh and there is something happening in America on July 4th? That would be the day between the 3d and the 5th of July. Of course, the 5th of July is my birthday and that thrills the heck of y'all. So much for a short comment.
And to all my hoser friends back in Canada. Hope you had a super Canada Day, eh.
Thanks Pearl, it's been bordering on average...

alwaysinthebackrow said...

Oh, yes, the T-shirt idea is great! I'd buy one.
Even with all of my complaining about the winters here in the northland, I do think I would prefer it to the "critters" farther south. Big bugs, snakes, spiders......eeeeuuuuuwww! So rather than choosing epochs, I will just choose a longitude (or do I mean latitude?)

River said...

I didn't know we'd had a Carboniferous Period, when was that?

Kavi said...

Have fun ! Happy independence day !

Pat Tillett said...

I'd just buy a ticket and take a chance...
Have a great weekend and a good fourth!

Symdaddy said...

I thought "Epoch's" were just little teddy bear-like creatures from the Star Wars movies until I read this!

Nice one (as always) Pearlchen.

Pat said...

This epoch's hazardous enough for me what with a live pigeon in the chimney giving me a funny turn yesterday. Mind you I've always fancied wearing a bustle - then it doesn't matter if 'my bum looks big in this.'

Roses said...

Frankly that level of humidity will play havoc with my hair. Cue: massy of frizzy bush on head. It's so not a good look.

So I'll stay here, with my laptop, iPod, dvd collection and hot running water.

R. Jacob said...

Oh great, now I have the added pressure of learning something new every four days! sigh...

Tempo said...

Do you really have 3inch Millipedes? how cool is that! ours are only about an inch long but sometimes come in their tens of thousands... Your big ones would make a heck of a noise when you step on them eh? CRUNCH, SCRUNCH, CRUNCH!
You have the coolest stuff!

Laoch of Chicago said...

I always imagined it would be interesting to live in ancient Rome. Of course I realize though that our understanding of what that would be like is pretty paltry.