Despite mid-week indications to the contrary, Friday has finally arrived.
And now that the weekend's practically a shoe-in, what the heck do we do with it?
If only we had a suspicion, some small inkling…
And here is where we are in luck my friend, because my iPod, set on “shuffle” and played on my Friday morning commute, sees all, tells most.
When My Baby’s Beside Me by Big Star
Rollerskate Jam by Plantlife
Cult of Personality by Living Color
D is for Dangerous by Arctic Monkeys
Brimful of Asha by Cornershop
The Crunge by Led Zeppelin
Stormbringer by Deep Purple
I Got Mine by The Black Keys
Ah-ha! And there you have it. Have that weird thing on your car checked out, listen for lies, and don’t forget to tip your waitresses and bartenders.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend. Hey -- why don't you come along? There are so many new people here no one will notice... Shhh...
Thanks for joining us, if everyone would have a seat...
Hi. Randolph T. Freakly, head of HR here. As you know, we here at Acme Grommets and Sprockets are dedicated, absolutely dedicated!, to the health and wellbeing of our employees, a conviction that’s helped us stand fast in the light of requests for raises (think of the stress of possibly entering another tax bracket!) and time off (what? and risk you getting hurt out there? not on our sweet bippy!).
It’s come to our attention recently that it’s been a long time since we had a little get-together. As a matter of fact, outside of the recent melee outside of Pearl’s cube – you need a liquor license to sell margaritas out of your desk, Pearl! – we can’t remember the last time we all had a little fun.
Well all that’s about to change. Ladies and gentlemen, consider yourself funnified, because today, from 11:00 to 1:00 – that’s right! over your lunch hours! – we’ll be getting together for a little time away from our desks, a way for us to not only show you just how much we care but also a way to allow several local vendors the opportunity to practice their sales pitches.
Welcome to Employee Appreciation Day!
What will we have on hand?
What won’t we have?!
How’s about this, Little Miss Skeptical? Have you been thinking of joining a gym? Well here’s your chance to meet with an actual fitness center representative! Witness a man in tight shorts wearing a pedometer! Hear his speech on pecs and deltoids. Consider having your body-fat index measured in a room full of your peers! Ponder the actual binding contracts available!
Don’t think! Act!
What about this? How does five minutes with a chiropractic practitioner sound? Huh? Huh? Have a seat in the funny chair, rest your forehead on the recently alcohol-swabbed padding and let Dr. Whozat knead your aching muscles in an entirely work-appropriate manner. Hear his spiel, make an appointment – it’s all happening right here at work!
I’m sorry – what’s that you say? You’re looking for a makeover halfway through your workday and don’t feel like walking the quarter-block to Macy’s? We’ll have a genuine Mary Kay rep on hand! Come ready with the names and addresses of 15 of your friends and relatives and be entered into a drawing for a free tote bag!
So stop on by the 48th floor where there will be people selling you stuff under the guise of “appreciation”. Come early and take advantage of the coupons for area Subway Sandwich Shops and fun-sized Snickers (one per employee, please).
It’s all free and it’s all happening courtesy of your friends in Human Resources, where our doors are open, our hearts are in the right places, and our lawyers are on retainer.
Human Resources: Who loves ya, baby?
Gnome, Sweet Gnome
3 hours ago