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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

What’s That? Who’s There?!

Like great schools of fish, TV-show themes sweep, turn, and dive together, eventually burning onto the un-greased cookie sheet of public opinion, thus opening the screen to the next phenomenon.

Currently occupying the middle rack of our collective ovens?

The supernatural!

We’re up to our remotes in psychic detectives/children, paranormal investigators, and people with full-spectrum cameras and EMF detectors spending the wee hours of the morning filming themselves in houses and castles while whispering “Why are you still here? Are you angry?” into the darkness.

Don’t get me wrong. In the same way that someone 100 years ago would never understand how we could have whole orchestras locked up on CDs or how we could possibly speak to someone in California from Minnesota (how could we ever shout that loudly?) there are always new things to discover about our world. Frankly, I’m kind of digging the idea that someone could detect something simply by handling the personal item of someone else; and I’ve seen some pretty interesting examples of people doing just that.

But presented alongside that is the man charging auditoriums of people a couple hundred a head and saying things like “I’m sensing someone whose name starts with “M” or possibly “N”. Does someone here have someone who’s passed on whose name starts with an “M” or an “N”?”

Talk about your low-hanging fruit.

Hey! I know someone who died whose name started with an “M”! He must be talking to me!

I’m not saying that there aren’t ghosts. How would I know? But having spent 57 minutes waiting for the 3-minute “reveal”, which turns out to be the recorded hiss and pop that someone insists sounds like “get out of my house”, I’m going back to TV I can rely on:

Cops.

34 comments:

R. Jacob said...

Low hanging fruit? I thought that was an age thing.

mybabyjohn said...

Just this morning I said to myself, "Why are you still here?" and "Are you angry?. On this, our 37th wedding anniversary, they seemed like reasonable questions. That hissing and popping was the husband snoring. It DID sound like "get out of my house". Hah!!

Pearl said...

What am I, you guys's straight man?! Too funny.

R., I've actually started writing something on this. Stay outta my head.

mybabyjohn, i LOVE that. :-)

What a lovely way to start the day!

Bossy Betty said...

Ppppeeeeeaaaarrrrlllll. I am so sorry to hear that you do not believe in these things. I am sending some to your house tonight. Be prepared! Be very prepared! (Snacks would be a nice touch.)

Matthew MacNish said...

Hah! Cops is still on?

Pearl said...

Bossy, :-) what does one feed the undead, anyway?!

Matthew, it is indeed. I keep thinking I might recognize someone...

Simply Suthern said...

Who are these folks that go into these houses? They go in to find a ghost then something creaks or cracks and they get all scared. What do they expect?

Personally I dont believe in that crap. Secondly if it died and aint dead I dont want nothing to do with it.
Thirdly, I dont go in there, I seen the movie and it turned out bad for them, no reason to think it would be any different for me!

I'll take my chances with the guy grabbing snakes by the tail.

Glen said...

So Mildred - you're 97 - I'm sensing you have lost someone close!!!

jenny_o said...

I don't watch much TV but I've definitely noticed this shift too.

Perhaps the hissing and popping was merely someone's Rice Krispies?

Cannot wait for the low hanging fruit post. Please hurry with that one!

Leenie said...

I just like the weird video with everybody's eyes all glow-y and their features all blah and gray. Freaks me out. Who needs ghosts.

haphazardlife said...

Although I'm willing to admit there might be something to those paranormal shows (because really, what the hell do I know?), those shows drive me batshit. How can people be so gullible?

Eva Gallant said...

"I'm sensing someone in this audience is very gullible...."

Doubting Thomas said...

Don't hate, Pearl. With the majority of televangelists in prison, the unwashed masses need something to believe in. That is, before they get all juiced up on cheap malt liquor for their 15 seconds of fame on 'Cops'... ;)

Leenie said...

Oh, Hey! My video camera has a setting for recording in very low light. Do you suppose if some dark night I used it to ask my 30 year old son who lives in the basement, "Why are you still here?" that I'd get a reasonable answer?

Pearl said...

:-) You guys are red-hot today.

Oilfield Trash said...

I so agree with you there.

Sioux said...

I was right with R. Jacob. Another reference to fuzzy lumpkins...

Joyful Things said...

We believe because we so want it to be true. Not so much that we want other spirits around us (who needs your mother watching you do that!) but really, I'm going to be pissed if I have to miss out on anything after I die.

Audubon Ron said...

That’s why I only watch TV evangelism.

Daisy said...

Yup! TV is getting sillier and sillier. They make these HD machines and load them with crap! Well, except for COPS.

Joshua said...

I file all these paranormal douches under reality television and steer clear. I get enough reality in my daily life. When I watch TV, I want less true drama and more animation.

Pat Tillett said...

Earthlings are sheeplike by nature...

Douglas said...

This also explains the popularity of "The Mentalist."

I am not allowed to believe in the supernatural. it's against my non-religion.

P.S. I used to live near Amityville.

Mamma has spoken said...

I went to a book signing of a famous psychic who happens to be on tv and I found him phoney, boring, and just down right fake. Had already bought his book, or I wouldn't have. So I now have a sign copy of James' book, signed on the second page because he will only sign on that page and not the inside book cover.
Did I say he was also wierd?

Susan in the Boonies said...

Psychically speaking...

I knew you were going to say that.

Jhon Baker said...

I am thinking of the letter f does anyone here have a relation with a name that starts with the letter F? - no, but my dead cousin just told me to tell you to fuck off, does that count?

Gigi said...

I'm with you Pearl. If I'm going to watch "reality tv" it might as well be Cops. Because odds are eventually I will see someone I recognize on there.

Mamma has spoken said...

Hey Pearl, a comment on comment about a comment just because I think you can't use the word comment enough. I don't know if he use to be an actor or not but you can see who I'm talking about and the book signing here:
http://mammahasspoken.blogspot.com/2009/05/i-went-i-saw-i-wasnt-impress.html

Pearl said...

Very funny, Jhon!!

HermanTurnip said...

I'm missing the really great television theme songs. Seems they're now mostly quick musical interludes, snippets of already famous songs, or nothing at all. Whatever happened to theme songs like those from CHiPs, All In The Family, Sanford & Son, The Jeffersons, WKRP In Cincinnati, The Dukes Of Hazzard and Cheers?

Missing the art of the classic theme songs makes me a sad panda...

Lazarus said...

Pearl, someday when we meet over a beer down at Bar Fly on Hennepin (Bar Fly was the name of my old haunt in NYC too, corner of 20th and 3rd) (BTW, I didn't use "haunt" as an intentional pun but will take credit for it now that I realize it is one...), I will tell you a few stories of things that have happened to me with respect to the occult/supernatural. They'll make you wonder quite a bit, if not believe...

Tempo said...

We have this channel that takes you back in time...back-back-back to MacGyver, back to 7th Heaven, back to The Love boat...it's creepy...very creepy

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

This is why I don't watch TV anymore. And all these reality shows! If I wanted reality, I wouldn't be watching TV. (Hey-that's a great opening for a blog post...)

unfinishedperson.com said...

As usual, I had this fantastic comment worked out and then it got lost in the ether somewhere. Damned ether anyway. Bottom line: Cops is one of my favorite shows and they're something definitely we can rely on (and believe in, a la the Poison song "Give Me Something To Believe In")...except for the ones in Seattle, who lately can't even rely on themselves.