A re-post from '08, as much as I dislike re-posting -- but last night was an exercise in chaotic idiocy, and when I tell you about it, you will either nod in recognition or be glad we don't live in the same house...
I don’t know about you, but sometimes it seems that all I get in the mail is bills, requests for donations, advertisements, perhaps the odd thank-you card.
Dear Aunt Pearl,
Thank you so much for the $50 for graduation. I'm saving to fill my gas tank.
When I was young, I had a number of pen pals. Remember the pen pal? A stranger you would write to for no good reason, with little hope of ever actually meeting, just for fun?
Of course, we’re all too busy for that now. I mean, who writes to random strangers in the hopes of making connections? That would just be silly…
There seems to be a dearth of letters nowadays, though; and let me tell you, I won’t stand for it!
And so, my sister will be the recipient of a card, probably receiving it tomorrow.
It started in 1992. We worked in the same office, a dreadful little place run by two brothers, one of whom was drunk on his own power and the other who was perpetually flatulent. It was a smelly, unpleasant place.
One day I went to my mail slot, and there it was: A fifty-cents-off coupon for Beano.
For those of you who don’t know what “Beano” is, it’s a pill (or something) that you can take prior to eating gas-producing foods, so that you don’t end up like the gas-producing co-owner.
The coupon for Beano went between us for several years: in the mail slot, stuffed into coat pockets, slid under the car’s windshield wipers, attached to a pillow.
I wonder whatever happened to that coupon?
My sister and I don’t work together anymore, nor do we live together, as we did in those years, but it’s time she saved some money, don’t you think?
I’ve sent her a coupon in the mail with this little quasi-limerick attached to it:
There once was a girl named Karen
Who, when laughing, wet the pants she was wearin’.
But a pair of Depend
Put that all to an end
And you can hardly tell she’s wearing them, they’re so smooth and comfy.
Caution: Adult diapers. Not to be worn on your head.
None of that is true, of course, but it’s fun to pretend.
Let’s see what she comes back with, shall we?
Five in Five: Tuesday, January 23
7 hours ago