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Monday, June 27, 2011

Dear Occupant...

A re-post from '08, as much as I dislike re-posting -- but last night was an exercise in chaotic idiocy, and when I tell you about it, you will either nod in recognition or be glad we don't live in the same house...


I don’t know about you, but sometimes it seems that all I get in the mail is bills, requests for donations, advertisements, perhaps the odd thank-you card.

Dear Aunt Pearl,
Thank you so much for the $50 for graduation. I'm saving to fill my gas tank.
Love,
Grateful Nephew

When I was young, I had a number of pen pals. Remember the pen pal? A stranger you would write to for no good reason, with little hope of ever actually meeting, just for fun?

Of course, we’re all too busy for that now. I mean, who writes to random strangers in the hopes of making connections? That would just be silly…

Ahem.

There seems to be a dearth of letters nowadays, though; and let me tell you, I won’t stand for it!

And so, my sister will be the recipient of a card, probably receiving it tomorrow.

It started in 1992. We worked in the same office, a dreadful little place run by two brothers, one of whom was drunk on his own power and the other who was perpetually flatulent. It was a smelly, unpleasant place.

One day I went to my mail slot, and there it was: A fifty-cents-off coupon for Beano.

For those of you who don’t know what “Beano” is, it’s a pill (or something) that you can take prior to eating gas-producing foods, so that you don’t end up like the gas-producing co-owner.

The coupon for Beano went between us for several years: in the mail slot, stuffed into coat pockets, slid under the car’s windshield wipers, attached to a pillow.

I wonder whatever happened to that coupon?

My sister and I don’t work together anymore, nor do we live together, as we did in those years, but it’s time she saved some money, don’t you think?

I’ve sent her a coupon in the mail with this little quasi-limerick attached to it:

There once was a girl named Karen
Who, when laughing, wet the pants she was wearin’.
But a pair of Depend
Put that all to an end
And you can hardly tell she’s wearing them, they’re so smooth and comfy.

Caution: Adult diapers. Not to be worn on your head.


None of that is true, of course, but it’s fun to pretend.

Let’s see what she comes back with, shall we?

28 comments:

mybabyjohn said...

"It was a smelly, unpleasant place." I nearly chocked on my breadstick.
There once was a blogger named Pearl.
To be sure, she was quite the girl.
In an office, she worked
With a chap, what a jerk
Who could have used a cork and some Beano.

Eva Gallant said...

That is too funny! I'll be anxious to hear what she sends back!

Leenie said...

With a sister like you she probably needs those adult diapers just to help out with the after-effects of a plethora (gazebo, macadamia) of hilarity.

Looking forward to hearing about the exercise in chaotic idiocy.

The Simple Dude said...

That's a great re-post. We had a stupid ad cut out of catalog from The Gap or something that went around a previous workplace in a similar fashion for a good six months then disappeared. I always wondered where it went.

Then about 2 years later I left that company and in the week after my last day was digging through the box of my personal crap I had taken from my office and found it buried in there. Someone had held it that long, and slipped it into my box on my last day. Absolutely brilliant.

SD
TheSimpleDude.com

Simply Suthern said...

My little one was upset because she wasnt getting any mail like mom and dad and her siblings, so I showed her how blessed she was.

I held up a bill and said they wantcha money and then on to the next bill, they wantcha money.

So now I can hold them up one at a time and she knows the drill.

Until this week after the wreck and the oldest got a stack of lawyer letters begging for the other guys money.

Shelly said...

Loved this post. In my family, we have an ugly Quasimodo-ish dog statue that makes the rounds. The legend of where it got its start has been obscured by time and retelling, but I think it's getting close to my turn again.

Oilfield Trash said...

Really good repost Pearl!!!

Pat said...

She's got a lovely face.

IndigoWrath said...

hey Pearl! I love the untrue stories. They balance my true tales out. Roth x

Pat said...

I'm wondering why the 50-cent-off coupon for Beano never went to the flatulent boss. I guess that might not have been a wise move.

Joyful Things said...

My mom and her brother used to do that with a galvanized milk pail. It would travel by train, bus or car. It arrived at our house three or four times a year only to be returned. Neither of them remembered how it started but every time it arrived at our farm my mom was so happy! I look forward to hearing what your sister sends back to you - same pair of Depends or something equally as hilarious?

Bossy Betty said...

Loved this. My friends and I passed around a Hickory Farm sausage for years.

jenny_o said...

So, did you really send it and did she ever reply? Don't leave us hangin'!

Excellent limerick. It's so tiresome when the last line rhymes old-style.

Roses said...

I'd risk living with you.

laughingmom said...

Fantastic! My HUbby and brother have been trading off a Dallas Cowboys/Washington Redskins hat for years now. It is quite decorated with scores and logos - I think that we have it now???

Pat Tillett said...

A great and funny post Pearl! there used to be a large group of us who would get together every christmas eve. We played that game where everyone brings a gift and we all choose one and then it can be taken away, etc. There was one stupid gift of the ugliest candle holders ever made. It was brought back by whomever got stuck with it for years and years.

R. Jacob said...

I think we are pen pals!

Antares Cryptos said...

LOL on the limerick.

Repost? I wouldn't know. 2008 was before my time.

Glen said...

So your Sister is hot as well then.

Cake Betch said...

I had a somewhat similar game for a few months with a piece of cake in a tiny little sample container. We would hide it back and forth in each other's desk areas. Eventually it escalated to me creating a FB page for the cake, then him creating a movie of it dancing into my cabinets, then me mailing it to his house, and so on and so forth.
Ahh... I miss that cake.
You know, it never did mold. Kinda gross actually.

Gigi said...

How funny! It's got me thinking I might need to start something like that....but oh darn, I don't know anyone who would "get" it!!

Can't wait to hear about last night's antics.

Belle said...

Great story! I do love getting a letter in the mail but it only happens maybe twice a year now.

That Janie Girl said...

If she's anything like you, this exchange ought to be hilarious!

Lazarus said...

This was great, but now I really want to hear about last night, it takes a lot to keep you from posting...we're all ears!!!!

The Tame Lion said...

Excellent limerick! Absolutely wonderful!
Always remember:
We all are always here to support you.

Leslie said...

My brother and I have exchanged at various times a can of Spam and a wedding portrait of my mother...a BIG one...like 2X3 feet. It's really fun to try and sneak that in and hide it someplace!

Thanks for stopping by.

Laggin...Under the Roof

Susan in the Boonies said...

If you can't laugh about incontinence and flatulence with your sister, then what good is she, anyway? That's why God gave us sisters!

Adult Diapers said...

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