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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

And The Diaper Rash is Clearing Up Nicely

Do you think that you can burn through clothing?

I spent six and a half hours in direct sunlight Sunday, the temperature somewhere in the mid-80s, serving, cleaning up, freckling…

Shh. You hear that?

The black-pantsed and white-shirted move amongst us.

And they’re sweating madly.

It was a graduation party, the celebration of a wealthy family. A carved watermelon boat inscribed “Jordan #43”, mango salad, fresh salsa,“dirty” rice, chicken and steak kebabs, we estimate that we served around 175.

That’s a good amount of work for one chef and one server.

But it was supposed to have been a two-server job, wasn’t it? Unfortunately, Mary, having twisted her ankle sufficiently as to have imagined it broken, spent Sunday morning at Urgent Care, leaving her completely useless to me.

Dammit, Mary!

It is not broken, by the way, although it is severely sprained, requiring elevation, sympathy, and enforced immobilization.

I shall shower her with iced beverages and scented lotions just as soon as I, myself, recover.

You see, while not as old as I hope to become, I am no longer as young as I was.

Oh, I’m still, as Chef Paulie likes to say, a “lumberjack”. I can hoist, haul, lug, and heave with the best of them. Large move-able propane grills, collapsible tents, coffin-sized coolers full of ice?

I’m your gal.

Heaving, especially, is my specialty.

But today? Today, my friends, I suffer. My face and neck are sunburnt, my feet are sore, and I swear to you that my arms, having returned over the winter to their original color (Sweet and Sour Caucasian), appear to be a good 30% darker than they did on Saturday.

Through a buttoned-to-the-wrist starch-heavy blouse.

Is that possible?

I am exhausted, I am bright red, and I am cash-flush.

I love summer.

33 comments:

Macy said...

Sun??? In June??? We in more "temparate" climes can only dream.
No, seriously, we do. We dream of switching the central heating off by July....

Pearl said...

Macy, Minneapolis has gotten crazy hot all of a sudden...

Ron said...

OMG, I'm reading this post and anticipating the horror I have to endure on Sunday, when I have to go to an outdoor function for work; standing in the sun for FIVE hours!!!

My only hope is that it will rain and cool things off a bit.

Yeah, I love summer too.

NOT!

Pearl said...

Ron, I have two more: Friday and Saturday, both from 5 to 10.

I should recover by then!

Glen said...

you would have got away with it if it hadn't been for those meddling UVees

jenny_o said...

Holy crow, girl,one hundred seventy-five? That's no mean feat. Are you sure some of that burn isn't windburn from running to and fro?

I've read that it's the weave and weight of material that determines how much sun gets through clothing, for what that's worth.

You are fearless. Hope both you and Mary are feeling better soon. And that Friday and Saturday are a tad cooler.

Pearl said...

Glen, jinkies! :-)

jenny-o, thanks, honey. I think I may have fried my brain a bit -- my head still hurts but the colors are so pretty...

Susan in the Boonies said...

175 people??? And you, the only server??? Busier than a one armed wallpaper hanger, I'd say. Poor sunburned, footsore girl!!! (((Pearl)))

Crystal Pistol said...

Heaving is your specialty, huh? My specialty would be spraining my ankle to the point I imagine it's broken. I would have to watch you heave and I languished in false anguish. :) I'm sure your friend is really hurting... and now? So are you. seems fair.

feel better, my friend!

Belle said...

I hope the money makes up for the pain!

Anonymous said...

God love ya pearl - my feet are stinging just thinking about your past Saturday. I used to hire myself out as a bartender in my younger days when I was fleeter of foot and sweeter of disposition. I knew it was time to hang up my bar towel when about five hours into a rather overwrought and understaffed event, I told someone to "stuff it" when they demanded I make them an Alabama Slammer. Yeah - that went over real well(not). I do miss the dough though.

Camille

Pearl said...

Thank you, Susan! The sympathy helps! :-)

Crystal, why I oughta!
Mary feels pretty bad...

Belle, actually, it does. :-)

Camille, the money is nice. As for the people who make it difficult? They end up in stories later. :-)

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Verily, I say to you, I'd rather clean out horse stalls than serve people.
Srsly. The horses are more appreciative. And there's shade! My mantra for all bad luck lately: "Well, at least I'll get a post outta this."

SeaD said...

Pearl, I would love to be cash-flush, however, I could not keep up with you! I am so close to becoming as old as I hope to be.
Rest, rehydrate, and then spend some of that cash!

Dr. Cynicism said...

"Sweet and Sour Caucasian" LOL! I understand - the heat and I are mortal enemies. Which in turn makes my electric company LOVE me.

alwaysinthebackrow said...

Any plans for all of that cash? It is supposed to be much cooler this weekend, I think.

Eva Gallant said...

I loved this line: while not as old as I hope to become, I am no longer as young as I was.

It's so true of many of us!

Pearl said...

Dawn, is it a cash job?! Because I'm willing to clean out horse stalls, too!

SeaD, I believe I am, as my grandma would say, making hay while the sun shines. :-)

Dr. Cynicism, parts of me may have melted Sunday. I'm still taking stock. It hit 95 yesterday and the AC has been window-installed...

alwaysinthebackrow, I'm going to buy a pair of Spanx. :-) And some sunscreen. And a pair of margaritas.
And the rest I shall save.

Eva, :-) Thank you. I think I used to be faster, but I'm holding up pretty well so far.
Of course, talk to me next Sunday, as I have jobs both Friday and Saturday night...

Lazarus said...

Pearl, with each post of yours that I read I become more and more convinced that you'd be the most fun person at any party. We may have to hire you out to visit us this summer to entertain!

Sioux said...

I avoid the sun whenever possible from April to October. I'm in hibernation right now...

Sausage Fingers said...

Iced beverages, watermelon, sexy servers bustling about...damn girl you almost want a beach boy want to move to Minnesota. Almost..

powdergirl said...

Yup, its possible. I can spend a few days out in the sun in work gear, and pretty soon my swim suit tan-lines are back. True story, happened every year when I was working out doors. Its kinda nice!
Sorry for the rough shift, you know I would have helped if I were nearer. I LOVE to move heavy things, its a quirk that makes people adore me on moving-day : )

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Sweaty and frizzy right now. Ick.

Joshua said...

The ambien's kicking in, so I probably shouldn't be making comments right now. But let me say, I can't hear the word heaving without thinking of pirates. And breasts.

That is all.

lisleman said...

"while not as old as I hope to become, I am no longer as young as I was. "
May I steal that one? I like it.

HermanTurnip said...

When I was a kid I like sunburns because I loved peeling away my dead skin.

...Yes, I was a strange one.

WrathofDawn said...

Maybe there's something to this climate change balderdash.

Tempo said...

It's well and truly possible to be burned through clothing, especially white clothing. Ive been burned through T-shirts many times and burned right through my hair too. Australia's summers are a great testing ground for such things.
I hope you're feeling better soon Pearl.

River said...

Sunscreen, with the highest SPF factor you can find. Yes, even under your clothes. Well, your shirtsleeves at least and especially around your neck.

Julia said...

I wish I could cook as well as I can eat! Maybe my waist line would look different... Oh and I burn through indoor Airconditioning so i am sure, you can burn through a starched shirt...

Oh and I would have turned the party into a trailer park Pot luck... but thats how I roll.

lunamother said...

Wow! We were just watching how crazy-hot it was up yonder yesterday! Now, down here we've been hovering around 102 by 3pm every day for over a week now, but that's just a tad above normal- I know ya'll are truly suffering up there.
Be careful- the blazing heat is just as dangerous and the bitter cold...

Bossy Betty said...

But I bet your hair looks really great.

Are you sure Mary's really hurt? I'd give that ankle a good squeeze just to make sure.

Far Side of Fifty said...

I got burned on Sunday too. I should have worn makeup for the sunscreen and a hat..even my scalp sunburned. Sweet and Sour Caucasian..great description..but Sunday was one of the first days we have seen the sun in a long time! We had summer up north for two days..back to the almost deep freeze today..headed to 40 degrees tonight. Sometimes northern MN sucks:(