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Saturday, May 21, 2011

That’s What SHE Said

This is going to strike you as, well, unbelievable, I’m sure, but I’ve got a dirty mind.

What? You suspected?

You lie.

I have that kind of face, though, the kind of face that makes people think I don’t swear or don’t write and re-write the filthiest of jokes when I hear someone use the words “meat thermometer” or “titular heads of state”.

Look, I know that there’s nothing dirty about the words “meat” or “titular”, but I also know that I am not alone in this, and sometimes, it just strikes me as funny.

See? Even now, I’m grinning on the inside, because if by any stretch of the imagination a word can have a double meaning? I want to be there.

Even The Boy has gotten in on it.

For example, I took him to a political event a number of years ago, when he was 20, maybe 21. There were quite a number of different groups there, Democrats for Tapioca, Republicans for a Safer Mouthwash, Lesbians for Lower Kitchen Counters. It was a diverse group, a big holding-hands, acoustic guitar, I’ve-got-poetry-books-for-sale-in-my-car kinda group. Dylan took one look at the couple next to us, two women holding hands, and quipped, “You didn’t tell me this was going to be a bush rally”.

Ha ha! You’re very funny, and you’re grounded to your room.

Not really.

You don’t ground wit.

I don’t feel bad about it, my dirty mind. I enjoy it. I’m not loud, I’m not crude, and in a quiet setting where there are minors or disapproving adults in the mix, you’ll only know what I’m thinking by the inappropriate twinkle in my eye.

Dirty minds come with responsibility, you know.

We’ll meet up later and compare notes.

30 comments:

R. Jacob said...

The group names should be followed by "golf tournament" or should be buying the naming rights of the local football stadium.

Suspected? I was hopeful...
when is the next meeting...shuffling papers..

Daisy said...

I never would have thought ... Pearl!
But I do wonder why we consider sex "dirty"?

WrathofDawn said...

I, too, have that kind of face. Or manner. Or whatever. Every time someone who's just met me drops the F-bomb in front of me for the first time, they either outright apologize or shoot me an apprehensive sideways glance as if they're expecting me to turn into The Church Lady.

Which is pretty f*ckin' funny, I can tell you. A**holes!

Bushman said...

I love wit. Some call it being a smart ass but I don't.
The lower counters? Is that for better fish preparation? Just asking is all.

365 Attempts (At Life) said...

your blogs are hilarious! dirty minds around the world unite...funniest word of all time: ---> Balls. I snicker every time.

Bushman said...

Shoot ...PS I haven't been able to locate the beer your talking about. I have one place I know that might have it but I don't get into the city much. Next time!!

Douglas said...

"Remember when Sex was dirty and the air was clean?" (old bumper sticker)

I was going to giggle something like this "hee hee, you say 'titular'" but I refrained.

On a more sober note, I have avoided those political meetings successfully for over 45 years now. Though I did try to enroll in a Women's Issues course in junior college once. They refused me admittance!

The Jules said...

I have to keep a lid on my punning, especially when rudery is involved, and I've got the kind of face that shows my dirty mind off like a beacon on a harbour buouy.

Liking the bush rally!

Also, in your end oh!

Oh yeah, smooooooth . . .

Gary Baker said...

Having once worked as a coxswain I know all about girls with innocent faces and smiling yes.

jabblog said...

I have the face - and the voice - of a prude, but I'm not. Inappropriate thoughts strike at the most . . . inappropriate times;-)

Diane said...

Isn't it wonderful that we pass our "wit" on to our children? Conversations with my daughter turn into giggles.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

For a while in my past life, I dropped the F-bomb a fair amount because I was tired of always being "nice." Then I just did it at home. Now with the grandkids here so much, I really have to be careful. My new fave: "Drat."

Oilfield Trash said...

That right there is classic.

Drake Sigar said...

Anyone who doesn't snigger at the word 'titular' just isn't human.

Eva Gallant said...

Ah, the evolvement of wit...from Mother to son...that's the way it has gone at my house as well!

Linda O'Connell said...

You crack me up, girl, and your son has what it takes, too.

Belle said...

Everyone chuckles at the the planet Uranus too. We just can't help it I guess.

savannah said...

hell, i'm still giggling like a schoolgirl over meat thermometer and titular, sugar! xoxoxox

Gigi said...

You? A dirty mind? I would have never guessed (fingers crossed behind my back)!

Come sit over here next to me - I'm sure we would have a grand old time.

pilgrimchick said...

Life provides many moments when having a dirty mind is an advantage, and perhaps even preserves one's sanity.

Irish Gumbo said...

In this case, a dirty mind is a right mind ;)

River said...

You would have got on well with my mum and mum-in-law. A few shandies in those two, then sit back, listen and laugh till you cried.

Kal said...

"You Can't Ground Wit" is in competion for phrase of the year. That is genius.

jenny_o said...

Everyone thinks these things; you're one of the brave ones who admits it.

Everyone but me, that is. I'm pure.

:)

IndigoWrath said...

Hey Pearl! We're gonna compare NOTES?! Well damn, now I'll hafta DRAW it. Indigo x

Sara said...

I think many think this of me as well. And while I don't really swear regularly, and my parents are a no-swear zone, I do on occasion swear. I just happen to like swear words to be like the fine china. You bring it out on only the most special occasions and drop them unexpectedly to give gravity to a situation.

Pat said...

I empathise. I once disgraced myself when an ancient academic proclaimed that the definition of love was 'Pursuit of the whole,'in his quavery voice. I'm afraid I snorted.

Joshua said...

I'm notorious for the TWSS jokes at work. I wonder why I haven't been fired yet? Oh, that's right, people laugh at it. Every meeting I go to, I put a "TWSS" at the top and start the tally. It's a fun way to actually pay attention in meetings.

Timoteo said...

Clean mind...clean body...take your pick!

Susan in the Boonies said...

I hung out with a bunch of guys and girls in high school - there were maybe 20 of us in our "gang" - and the guys taught me to be wary of anything and everything I ever said. They could turn ANYTHING into a double entendre. They trained me well in proactive dirty thinking: it was self-defense - I swear it!