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Monday, April 11, 2011

Please Do Shut Up! or I'm Feeling Almost Delightfully Crotchety...

One of the more annoying trends in commercial advertising – aside from the men-are stupid, children-are-wise/adorably-sassy, everyone-on-TV-is-attractive continuum – is the repetition of inane phrases.

You know what I mean.

Shot of grinning teenager astride a bike: “Since the removal of my sphincter…”

Quick shot of bleached-toothed senior citizens sitting, inexplicably, in bathtubs on a beach: “Since the removal of my sphincter …”

Cut to a shot of a remarkably attractive woman playing pool: “Since the removal of my sphincter, I’ve really discovered who my friends...”

Shot of the grinning teenager pedaling down the street: “… who my friends…”

Back to the codgers in the tub: “…who my friends are.”

Quick successive shots of woman, outdoor-bathing folks, and teenager on bike: “And if you think losing your sphincter couldn’t happen to you…”

“… to you…”

“…to you…”

Geezers climbing out of tub, strategically placed towels keeping the scene both G-rated and
“real”: “… then you need to pull your head out.”



This commercial message brought to you by the Council on Round Muscle Awareness.

46 comments:

Sarah Has Moxie said...

God I love you Pearl. :)

Pearl said...

Sarah, so glad my love for you is requited.

:-)

Can I say that? "Requited?"

Ahh. Monday morning.

Oilfield Trash said...

Hilarious Pearl.

Drake Sigar said...

Marry me?

Simply Suthern said...

Sticking with my usual I love tools theme, my most annoying commercials are the ones where someome cant turn a wrench or a screwdriver without busting a knuckle or stabbing themselves. Then with this new amazing all in one tool they suddenly regain their fine motor skills.

BLissed-Out Grandma said...

Funny. I don't really mind the interconnected phrases that jump from one person to another, but I am totally flummoxed by those couples who sit in bathtubs on the beach. Wha....?

Roses said...

Oh boy.

Methinks it's just that kind of day.

Mamma has spoken said...

Thanks! Now all I can think about are those commericals that when they list the possible side effects, anual sepage is there. Why would you want to take something that is going to make your butt leak? Or how about erections that might last for hours?

Pearl said...

OT, not too crotchety? :-)

Drake, the best part of that is, having read your blog more than once, you're just my type. :-)

Simply, I know what you mean. Will the ad agencies ever treat their markets with any respect? My bet is "no".

Bliss, I think it's an attempt at showing some sort of intimacy. I dunno -- it's for erectile dysfunction medication, yes?, so I'm thinking we're supposed to think of them naked without actually seeing them naked. Or maybe that's just me and my fondness for picturing people naked.

Pearl said...

Roses, hopefully we don't string too many of these kinds of days in a row. :-)

Mama, one of my current favorite jokes is some guy saying "Let your doctor know if you have an erection lasting four hours?! If I have an erection lasitng more than four hours, I'm letting EVERYone know!!"

:-D

savannah said...

i hadn't noticed the similarity, but then again, i mute every commercial, sugar! sometimes i really love technology!
xoxoxoxo

IndigoWrath said...

Hey Pearl! I have no idea what you're talking about, but by golly, it sounds interesting. Indigo

Hilary said...

Snort.. you need to go video. We need an enactment. ;)

Sweet Cheeks said...

Indigo's honesty is quite refreshing - isn't it?

=]

Pearl said...

Savannah, wait, what?! There's a mute?! Next you'll be telling me there's an on/off switch!! :-)

Indigo, you must tell us about English TV commercials. Wonder if they're as repetitive and smarmy as their U.S. counterparts...

Hilary, now there's an idea!!

SweetCheeks, that's what I like most about Indigo. His refreshing honesty. :-)

Jan said...

Gee, I musta missed that one (shucks)!
Mute is good....we've worn off the words on the button.

Louisiana Belle said...

My husband hates repetition of the 800 numbers. For me it's the blood sucking lawyers that want to know if you've had your sphincter removed in the last 5 years. :) That's why the majority of our programming is dvr'd and if we do happen to be watching live tv, the offenders are muted.

Cheeseboy said...

My real life is like a shampoo commercial. You should see me shake my hair out in the water. It is marvelous.

Although I still have my sphincter. For now...

Douglas said...

I have never been able to figure out the symbolism of the bathtubs either. Now, if they were both in the same bathtub at the end of the commercial...

But what you are describing is the lack of creativity in the advertising industry. What works for one product is then used on all.

This is also why all cars start to look alike over a period of three years.

And why we all wish we could emulate you.

Eva Gallant said...

I agree...those two should be in a bathtub together if they want to portray intimacy! And who has their bathtub outdoors on the beach? Insane.

jenny_o said...

All I can think of when I see those bathtubs on the beach is, Who carried all the water to fill them? And just how do they (or their lackeys) drain them? Because, seriously, I don't see any signs of plumbing there.

I really want to know.

Pale Rambler said...

There are many sphincters in the human body, so why is it so obvious which sphincter we mean when we use the word?

Anyway, great piece.

Leenie said...

I love this place!

a Broad said...

One of the many blessings of living in a country where you don't follow the language... television is just one long blablablablabla ..

Glen said...

i think I've seen that one...

Crystal Pistol said...

The first paragraph was my fave. I too have tired of the "men are stupid" "everyone on TV is attractive continuum".

Why can't an enormous, gelatinous belly and acne be considered attrative for a change? So blatantly unfair.

Mandy's Kidding said...

Have you seen the Manifesto Manifesto? I think you'd love it:

http://www.kimmok.com/514799/THE-MANIFESTO-MANIFESTO

The Vegetable Assassin said...

OH MY GOD, PEARL! I've been saying the same thing for ages. The HORRIBLE editing to seem hip and cool by repeating phrases that have ALREADY BEEN SAID. I hate it so much, I want to KILL IT WITH FIRE. It's bringing out my caps lock rage.

Of course, I'd forgive it if it were really people talking about sphincters.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Okay, never mind the repeating oneself, I'm totally distressed by the bathtubs on a beach as being something people think as hot & romantic.

There are very few commercials I will watch (outside the infomercial), but love all M&M commercials.

Happy Frog and I said...

Too funny, thank you! :-)

G-Man said...

Pearl...?
You visited me today!!!
You have a very cool blog...WOW!
Thank You for your very gracious comment.
You are always welcome at the G-Man's Madhouse!

Gigi said...

As usual - loved the post but the BEST. LINE. EVER?

"....If I have an erection lasitng more than four hours, I'm letting EVERYone know!!"

And yeah - WHAT is up with the separate bathtubs on the beach? Because I'm thinking if I tried that 1)the people with the straight jackets and/or cops would certainly be called and 2)how do you "flip" to tan the backside after thirty minutes??

mrwriteon said...

Well, I really resent using Booker T and the MG's wonderful 'Green Onions' as the theme music for an incontinence pants ad. I just cannot find the connection.

Mr London Street said...

If the person on the bike really didn't have a sphincter, they probably wouldn't bother with a saddle either.

GYPSYWOMAN said...

always such fun coming by your place, lady - notwithstanding i'm sure i don't fit anywhere at all within the confines of today's post!!! ;)

lifeshighway said...

What bothers me, is I know exactly what commercials you are talking about so that would indicate that I watch just a whole lot of old people channels.

imtsmom said...

We saw the play "Viagra Falls" the other night. The morning of my husband was reading the blurb that came with the tickets - "If you're still laughing ater four hours, seek help immediately!" Seriously he said "Did you know this thing is four hours long ?" Gotta love em!

IWASNTBLOGGEDYESTERDAY said...

we not only get those annoying ads over here we get these.............http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zM3PLKSVOHY

Daisy said...

I love the belly laughs I get on this blog, Pearl! Thanks!

I'm not familiar with the commercials you write about, but we have some really terrible ones. I'd like to trip the stupid jackass who dances his way out of the house and down the street ... because he took viagra the night(I presume)before. If I ever run into that kid and her mom with the skin tag I'll smack 'em both. But most of the time, I fast forward through the commercials....except for the "Old Spice Guy" who is adoreable!

TALON said...

lol! Oh, how sad the commercials are because really, would anyone smile after losing their sphincter?

What always kills me about commercials is the idea of people sitting around in the ad agencies thinking they really created something unique and fabulous - that always cracks me up (but that's only because I still have a sphincter).

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

You are at your prime when crotchety. I always enjoy visiting.
xoRobyn

Maundering mutterer said...

Good post. I laughed so hard I nearly ruptured my sphincter.

vanilla said...

Nice work, Pearl.

The saddest thing of all is that too often the commercials are the best part of the programming. :(

Susan in the Boonies said...

"I love..."

"I love..."

"I love..."

"...you."

"...you."

"...YOU!!!"

cue music, written by my husband, that will make us big drug money.

Dr. Cynicism said...

You make my frickin day. And yes, so sick of the sphincter line in ads.

IndigoWrath said...

You know, I'm sure I'm being insulted.

*pouts adorably, in a way that whispers "Order Me Pizza, I'm Daft"*