You've been introduced, yes?
Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) is a small, symmetrically-striped puss, a cat I often find reaching a clever paw toward my dinner plate. At five pounds, Liza Bean is a bird/mouse/bug killer of the first water, the kind of cat that makes you think both "What a delightful kitty!" and "She gets much bigger than she is and we'll have to register her as a weapon...".
Liza Bean is one of those neat, tidy cats, a cat who remembers when cats were gods and has yet to come to terms with her fall in status.
And she's been on my computer lately.
I can always tell when she has by the water bowl near the keyboard, the catnip laid out in neat little lines.
It appears that the cat is looking for a job.
I must say, her resume is impressive.
I've cut-and-pasted it here for your pleasure:
Liza Bean Bitey
PO Box 114
Minneapolis MN 55413
Summary of Qualifications:
- Drove a taxi in college -- highly familiar with area roads.
- Short order cook in the late 90s. Ask me about my Potatoes a la Schultz!
- Unlicensed plumber from '04 to '05. Have been cleared of all charges.
- Walk-on part of Cat #2 in Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels.
- Tour with Gogol Bordello periodically. Cannot re-enter Bratislava but am free to move about the rest of Central Europe.
- Positively motivated cat with an affinity for playful poses, chasing things straight up a wall, and tugging at your earrings in the middle of the night.
- Experienced in pest removal (up to and including family members, unwanted guests, birds, mice, and those of the bug persuasion).
- Excellent claw-eye coordination.
- Dependable, flexible, and able to maintain a sense of humor under pressure.
It's about time she got a job.