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Sunday, April 24, 2011

I Think That Stripper Likes You

You’ll find this hard to believe, but I used to date.

I know! I know! But there you have it. Totally true.

In the early 90s, it was my pleasure to have dated a man who came with friends, a number of friends who would have preferred that he be female-free.

I had stepped on the season of their fabulousness, put a big, high-heeled foot in the middle of their plans for a debauched summer.

As my boyfriend’s birthday approached, they assured me they had it under control. That’s okay – I had a lot going on, so sure! Tell me what I should bring to the party and we’ll see you there, huh?

Hmmm.

I’ve learned a lot since then, primarily that when you let guys like that take over party planning, you’re going to end up averting your eyes.

Shall we skip straight to the averting of the eyes? Because it could’ve been held at any seedy, underground-style bar. There could’ve been any number of people from anywhere in the world wandering around and muttering to themselves in Drunkish.

She was dressed as a nurse. You know, the kind that show up around Halloween: white fish net stockings, a little white cap on her head, a tiny white bra, a tiny white g-string, six-inch white stilettos.

You’ve been to the hospital, right?

Boyfriend was not happy. This was not to say that he didn’t like mostly-naked women. Mostly-naked women was one of his favorite things. But he had a woman. A steak-at-home versus hamburger-out monologue ensued wherein he sought to assure me that a lap-dance from the guys was not what he wanted on his birthday and that he wanted to leave.

I couldn’t stand to see him so nervous.

I approached the nurse.

“Hi. You see that guy over there? His friends have paid for a lap-dance from you for his birthday. But he’s really shy, and we haven’t been dating long…”

“Oh, honey,” she interrupted. “I can be really nice to him if you want.”

“Would you? That’s so sweet,” I said. “You have lovely legs, do you know that?”

The girl blushed and pulled one leg up behind her head in a stunning arabesque. “I was in gymnastics in high school. Went to competitions and everything. Look.”

She did the splits.

“I can see that,” I said. “You’ve got a great body.”

She smiled up at me, still in the splits. “I’ll be really gentle with him, nothing dirty, okay?”

“OK.”

And when the music changed, and they put Boyfriend in the hot seat, this simple, beautifully limbed woman gave one of the cleanest lap dances I’ve ever seen, leaning into him coyly, running her fingers through his hair.

Throughout the performance, she looked to me, giving me the “OK” sign several times, and, in a move that I am still in love with purely for its complete lack of guile, pushed her perfect breasts inches from his embarrassed face, pulled back and winked – at me!

It was dang-near tasteful.

She brushed by me, when she was finished. “How’d I do?” she whispered.

“You were great,” I said.

“Hey – can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” I said.

“I think I should go to school to be a veterinary assistant. Do you think I’d be good at it?”

Even today, it breaks my heart, how sincere she was.

“Absolutely,” I said. “I can see you doing it, too. You’d be great.”



I hope that she became a veterinary assistant. I’ll bet she’s great at it.

38 comments:

Sioux said...

And it sounds like she already has puppies she'll be bringing when she starts her new career...

powdergirl said...

I worked in strip club back in the day. Met a version of that same girl a few times myself. I hope she's a vet's assistant now too.
Nicely played, Pearl : )

Teresa Evangeline said...

I Love it when two women see beyond the boy stuff and respond from their sisterhood. Good stuff. And, as always, good writing.

Eva Gallant said...

She was a great sport, and his friends were douches!

ellen abbott said...

you were a good girlfriend.

mapstew said...

Nice on Pearl! :¬)

xxx

Shieldmaiden96 said...

My mother is a waitress who has worked with a number of young women over the years who danced as a second job. Statistically, if you have a female lawyer in SE Pennsylvania who is unusually gorgeous there's a good chance there were probably some law school tuition bills paid with the aid of a brass pole.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

To clarify: Danced as a second job while going to law school. I should never comment before my second cup of coffee.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

To clarify further: They went to school, worked at the restaurant where my mother works, AND danced as a second job. My mother is not, nor has she ever been, a stripper, nor are there strippers where she works.

Except the ones who are working there who strip elsewhere.

I'm glad we could have this talk.

Oilfield Trash said...

What is dating??

alwaysinthebackrow said...

Sisterhood trumps debauchery. Your boyfriend was a good one, you were a good girlfriend, and the stripper was a good person. Then there were the boy buddies-not so good.
Good story,too.

Irisheyes said...

Years ago, I went to a strip club with a male friend of mine. I started talking to the stripper also and somehow we got on the subject of potato recipes...scalloped, au gratin, soups, etc...My friend was so angry with me when we left. He said I ruined the strip club for him because I brought the "human" out of the dancer!! Oh well, I still make the ham and potato casserole that we discussed, to this very day!:)

jenny_o said...

@ Shieldmaiden96 - That was too funny; please comment before ANY coffee at all next time!

@ Irisheyes - Your comment about the "human" in the dancer is right on the money. The neanderthals!

@ Pearl - Hard to believe a post about stripping could be sweet, but you did it. Nice post.

Tom said...

Pearl, You have a great writing style. I love how you combine humanity with humor. The closest experience I have to that is when my friends chipped in and bought a Christie Brinkley poster for my 16th birhday and put it up in my room. Not quite as embarrassing as a lap dance.

becca said...

wonderful post

Susan in the Boonies said...

I hope she did!

I love your ability to be kind to her, and her willingness to be kind to you.

Happy Easter, Pearl!

Bossy Betty said...

Anyone who can do the splits has a bright future ahead.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Nice post.

SparkleFarkle said...

Ahhhh! Yours is the perfect Easter Day blog-title! I couldn't help myself from getting snagged. LOL! Happy chocolate bunnies,
SF~~~~~*

P.S. I can't be sure but I think my cats' doctor might be your dancer.

Kristy said...

Strippers are people too. I have found them to be quite down to earth. Fun post!

Vic said...

This is why I like you Pearl. Happy Easter!

Jhon Baker said...

That is awesome. Not many a guy has a girl like you.

On My Soapbox said...

Pearl, you rock!

mrwriteon said...

What veterinary clinic does she work out of? Guess it's not one near her. I never got a stripper for my birthday. My ex wife once sent a clown to my office for my birthday. I hate %&&$#@ clowns. May be just one reason she is my ex.

Little Miss Sarcastic said...

Wonderful post Pearl.

That stripper probably appreciated that you were honest with her, but not snarky about it.

Cheeseboy said...

It is a proven fact that former gymnasts make great vet assistants. Not sure why, just that it is true. There have been studies...

Julianna said...

I love when women can use their sexuality to repect other women.

(I hope that makes sense.)

Well played Pearl. Well played.

Gigi said...

Oh Pearl, I love you like the sister I never had....

HermanTurnip said...

It's the feel-good post of the year. Very well done, Pearl!

SherilinR said...

i like it when strippers can be seen as the women they are when they're clothed. they're not just sexy bimbos, they just play one at parties.

W.C.Camp said...

Wow if I were only 30 years younger I wish I had a dog to take to the veterinarian like you did!! Cute post! W.C.C.

Amanda said...

Dang it. Now I'm all teared up for the dancer. I really hope she made it to school to become a veterinary assistant.

Pat said...

We didn't have that sort of thing. When did it all start I wonder? I admire your sang-froid:)

Tempo said...

Oh, this post brings back memories...memories I will never forget...no matter the brain damage I'm currently doing with all the alcohol and such. But being a shy kind of guy......

Gaston Studio said...

Sioux's comment made me burst out laughing and I havn't gotten past that... as yet!

LeeAnn said...

Back when we lived in a place where strippers actually had teeth, H used to go to the nudie bars a lot. I didn't mind, I know he's a visual kinda guy. But one night he almost insisted I go with him. Turns out he'd been all conversational with the girls and they wanted to meet me, since he told them about me and my... uh, specialness.
They were, for a large part, just as sweet as your would-be vet assistant.
Yes, I've mentioned "strippers" and "large part" in the same statement. It could happen.

Joshua said...

I knew you were classy, Pearl. This proves it.

IndigoWrath said...

Hey Pearl!

You're a princess, the lucky lad! As for this:

"She was dressed as a nurse. You know, the kind that show up around Halloween: white fish net stockings, a little white cap on her head, a tiny white bra, a tiny white g-string, six-inch white stilettos."

No, I don't. But if you still have her number...

I dated once too.

Indigo x