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Friday, March 25, 2011

Sometimes I Sits and Thinks, and Sometimes I Just Sits

A long time ago, I decided that whenever possible, I would not only create my own reality, but I would do my best to convince others that it was substantive.

Welcome to Friday.

Join me, won’t you, as we trudge to the bus stop. Ah. There’s the guy wearing the helmet with the little light on it, there goes the Minneapolis School Systems Pipefitters Machine Shop van, and here comes the bus.

Right on time.

And the future? That’s on time, too, if you, like me, believe that it can be discerned by my iPod’s shuffled playlist.

Burn by The Cure
Tommy Gun by The Clash
Ahh… The Name is Bootsy, Baby by Bootsy Collins
Dance Like a Monkey by New York Dolls
Ballroom Blitz by Sweet
Shadrach by Beastie Boys
Psychotic Reaction by The Count Five

And there you have it. Schizophrenic and bound to burn more calories than normal. I’m likin’ it already.



So I’ve been listening in on the bus again.

It’s an art. Don’t let the iPod fool you. Sure it looks like I’m listening to music; but if it looks like you’re having an interesting time of it, I just may turn it off and eavesdrop…

Hey! It’s a public space, for cryin’ out loud! If you don’t want everyone to hear about how that stain got on your living room couch, I suggest you lower your voice.

Which brings me to yesterday morning. Come sit by me on the bus, where we keep our eyes ahead and our ears on scan…

It’s 6:24 a.m. Still dark. The bus is occupied by heavy-lidded, blanket-coated folk who want nothing more than to be back in their beds.

That’s how it normally is. Except for when it’s summer, of course, when the bus is occupied by heavy-lidded, cotton-clad folk who want nothing more than to be at the beach.

But back to our bus. And it is our bus, iddin it; and look how cozy we are! So cozy, in fact, that some of us have forgotten that we’re not alone…

The man directly in front of me, a young, skinny man in a heavy jacket and a Minnesota Viking hat is speaking loudly enough that I can hear him over my Earbuds.

You’re gonna be that loud? It’s on, fella!

I reach into my bag and turn my iPod off.

“Dryer sheets? Yeah – what? No, dryer sheets!”

Brief pause.

“What? You know they are! What are you doing? What do you mean, where do you put them? You put them in the dryer!”

Brief pause whilst the Vikings fan briefly loses it.

“Because they’re dryer sheets! They go in the dryer! That’s why they call them “dryer sheets”! Where do you think you’d put them, woman?!”

That was enough for me, and I went back to listening to The Black Keys.

Me, I’m torn between concern for someone who has called someone during their commute to ask about the dryer sheets, and pity for someone who has been called, during their commute, to explain where the dryer sheet goes.

I may have to give up listening in for a bit. It’s gonna give me wrinkles.

40 comments:

Simply Suthern said...

Maybe he just couldnt handle the static cling anymore.

Pearl said...

Simply, from her or the clothes?! I am still stumped as to what she might've thought a dryer sheet was. A drier sheet? Maybe English is her second language and the word "sheet" was a concern to her??

Bouncin' Barb said...

This was funny. I'm waiting for the good juicy sex stories or the ones where you here confessions and stuff. I'd evesdrop too if I were you!! Good post. I've been really behind in everything since I'm moving and all but I've been peeking in and just not taking time to comment. Sorry :-( But I just love your writing.

Oilfield Trash said...

You like The Cure? Because that would be cool if you did.

laughingmom said...

Maybe phone person thought that you dried the clothes with the sheets?!?

Sioux said...

Maybe she DOES speak another language other than English, and for her, sheet is "sh_t" and she was asking about cures for loose "sh_t..."

Sounds like every bus trip results in more fodder!

Pearl said...

Bouncin', been by your site as well and saw that you'd moved. Don't worry about the drop-in -- I'm comign up on my three-year anniversary here and have no plans on going anywhere!

Oilfield, I DO like the Cure. :-) They make me feel all young and angst-y inside.

laughingmom, it's possible! You never know what people are thinking. Have I written yet about the woman who got on the bus recently and proceeded to SUCK HER THUMB?! I was perplexed for quite some time... I mean, let's say you're full-grown and still suck your thumb. Why wouldn't you keep that to those quiet evenings in front of the TV? Why would you do it in public? Just how much comforting do you suppose that woman needed?

Pearl said...

Sioux, hmmm. :-) Drier sheet. :-) I like it.

powdergirl said...

This was extremely insensitive of you Pearly Girl. Irene is very ill and I'm suddenly confronted with laundry and you make fun of me for asking a few simple questions about the proper application of dryer sheets? Tsk.
Next you'll be mocking my newly all-pink wardrobe.

Jinksy said...

I like the 'listening in' syndrome,too, but now I no longer travel to work by train every day, I don't get the chance to indulge very often. Passers-by in the pedestrian precinct only give tiny snippets for me to play with! LOL

Pearl said...

powdergirl, I apologize. :-) I'll be popping by later with a blender and the margarita fixins. Makes the pink look better.

Jinksy, sometimes the bus ride is the only reason I go to work in the morning. :-)

Cheeseboy said...

I read that the Beasties are coming out with a new album this year. Could I be dreaming?

I need to take the train/bus more often. Clearly my laundry is suffering because of it.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I'm ashamed to say, as usual, I have not heard of any of these songs that will take me through the weekend. I have heard of drier sheets. Never used them.
Have a good weekend, Pearl. I hope your door has defrosted.
xoRobyn

Pearl said...

Cheeseboy, I heard that as well. "bout time!!

Rawkn, you don't recall Ballroom Blitz or Psychotic Reaction? First one was, what, '78? the seocond one was late 60s, maybe early 70s... I could be wrong about that...

Eva Gallant said...

Sounds like his woman is either poor little rich girl who never had to do her own laundry or and idiot, or both.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Last night at the doctor? The woman on her cell phone was SCREAMING at whoever she was talking to for smoking a joint. It totally distracted me from my bejeweled game, and I nearly spit my complimentary graham cracker out. We Minnesotans rock.

Pat said...

Hey I am English and I don't know what a drier sheet is. Drier that a wet one?

One of the sad things about getting older is the difficulty in eavesdropping on buses and it looks a bit odd if one starts putting the facilitators in. Make hay while the sun shines:)

Nezzy said...

Could be Alzheimers or as Hubs and I like to call our current state of forgetfulness.."Part-timers"! I personally have 101 uses for the smelly little sheets! :o)

Thanks for lettn' me sit by ya...enjoyed the ride!

God bless and have a fantastic Friday!!!

Leenie said...

Dance like a monkey. Do the Ballroom Blitz and see what kind of Psychotic Reaction you'll get from your bus people. Probably none. All too busy trying to explain sheet to their spouse or wishin' they were back in their beds to notice.

Caleb said...

Wait....so you *stopped* listening to this conversation?

Oh Pearl...


Caleb

ThreeOldKeys said...

I hope the sequel to the Dryer Sheet conversation will be the Downy Ball conversation. Because some people don't know where to put those either.

lime said...

i'd have to cook up some elaborate backstory for how these two people came to have this conversation in such a place and time. then again, sometime ago i switched to dryer balls. makes you wonder how that might figure into their conversation...

ok, off to dance like a monkey, i've caused enough damage here.

Yandie, Goddess of Pickles. said...

I read that iPod list as meaning that you were going to be caught in dancehall shoot-em-up.

Thankfully I'm usually wrong about these things.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I read a thing once where some lady was trying to convince everyone that dryer sheets could be used as a sort of dry shampoo on non wash days. I don't buy it myself. Who wants to smell like a dryer sheet? Scary woman.

Antares Cryptos said...

His 90 year old grandmother from a country were women still use the local river to wash their clothes is visiting and has been tasked with washing his clothes. Poor woman.

I could be making this up.

Cake Betch said...

SHIT! I went to the store TWICE yesterday and I KNEW I forgot something. DRYER SHEETS! Dammit!

Juli said...

I LOVE eavesdropping. OMG. This is probably why I adore taking the train and the bus. And sitting in the cafe. And the library. Oh, public places. So rich.

who said...

You'll have to forgive me Pearl, my murmory ain't what it used to be, but knowing there was only two instances wherein all the ingredients were in sequential orders in a ring, I have to take a wild guess, but at least it will be a 50/50 circumstance of guessing correct, not the first, but the event happened during the second time.

that's my final answer

Cloudia said...

you are a whimsy magnet!



Aloha to you
from Waikiki!


Comfort Spiral

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Kal said...

A person who can't figure out what dryer sheets are used for? OMG...she must have been pretty because that is the only reason for anyone to be with her. There is stupid and there is STUPID. I am horrified just thinking of what else she doesn't know. We're talking 'Snookie' level dumb here. I am certain it's time to reset the bar.

Happy Frog and I said...

I adore The Cure so was very pleased to see them on your i-pod list. I really enjoying overhearing conversations and writing about them on my blog but I can completely understand why you went back to your music in this case! I hope you have a great weekend.

Gigi said...

Even the semi-literate should be able to figure out what a dryer sheet is for...I mean come on....they even put instructions on the box for how to open it! So you know there are instructions on there for the usage of said dryer sheets. Methinks, there is *something* about this chick that rocks his world - and it ain't her brains.....

lisleman said...

dryer sheets - it is a universal question. Why add more to the laundry when you don't even want to do the amount you already have.
Since you like Southern Culture on the Skids, I think you would like Hayes Carll. One my favorites is "She Left Me for Jesus" - great redneck music.

Belle said...

Imagine him trying to teach her how to drive!

Susan in the Boonies said...

Somebody needs to fluff and tumble their brain, a bit. Bless their hearts.

Jerry said...

I used to ride the bus to and from work -- and it drove me crazy when people jumped on their cell phones just to say, "Oh -- we'll be pulling into the bus stop in three minutes." Cell phones should be banned on buses.

John McElveen said...

I've always wanted Dryer Sheets! I can NEVER get them dry enough!

Great as always Pearl!!


John

Crystal Pistol said...

You CAN'T give up listening in, Pearl! You just CAN'T! I simply won't have it.

Wrinkles be damned! That is what BOTOX is for, my friend. I mean, I don't use the stuff but far be it for me to deny anyone else!

After the injections your face will be frozen to such a degree that you will have the freedom to listen in on any convo without giving yourself away with knee-jerk facial expressions. IT'S BRILLIANT! I can't wait!

River said...

Eavesdropping on my bus is useless. The only people who talk loud are the ones who don't speak English.
I remember liking Ballroom Blitz.

dogimo said...

I'm pretty sure the shuffle function of the iPod proves that we live in a deterministic universe. I'm pretty sure.

I'm also pretty sure The Shuffle Function is a good band name!