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Sunday, March 13, 2011

MAN But You're Pale, Aren't You?

In a bid to test our weather mettle one more time – or perhaps in just a perverse display of “because I can!” – the temperature this morning dropped to a meat-preserving 18 degrees.

And frankly, I was against it.

It was a shock. While 18 degrees in February is almost cause for an open window or two, 18 degrees mid-March is grounds for hot baths, discussions pitting wool against “thinsulate” and introspection regarding attempting a life lived entirely indoors.

My response, if it can be called that, was to add a cap, gloves, and scarf to my jaunty spring jacket and shiver miserably.

“Local Woman, Smug in her Ability to Dress Properly for Winter, Fails to Carry Common Sense Through to Spring”.

It’s not much of a headline, but then again, there’s not a lot going on.

March is a fairly quiet month. The thugs are just rising from their hibernation, their tobacco-stained fingers rubbing their squinty little eyes, yawning their cough-syrup-and-Tahitian-Treat yawns toward the far walls.

Shhh. Shhh, my pretties. There will plenty of time for you to spray paint your creatively-spelled “tags” on my garage.

Can summer be far behind? And speaking of behinds, what are the odds that I will actually make it to a beach this summer?

In the meantime, of course, there is litter to pick up and a sidewalk to be swept, neighbors to be reacquainted with after a season of run-away indoor-ness and charcoal briquettes to be purchased.

“Local Woman Waxes Rhapsodic About Spring, Excitedly Contemplates Trying on Swimsuit.”



Let’s not go crazy just yet.

26 comments:

Hilary said...

You just can't trust March.. for anything. And after all winter.. it's the worst month to try on a swimsuit. I like your image of hibernating thugs. :)

Irisheyes said...

Swimsuit?!! Since I am a believer that, like many animals, I must stock up and store blubber on my body for winter, a swimsuit hasn't been part of my vocabulary for years. You'll be lucky to catch me jumping in a lake with an oversized men's t-shirt and capri pants! On the other hand, if we are ever on a plane together..feel free to bring salt and pepper in case of a crash!

Gigi said...

March is such a fickle month - it irritates me to no end. Because of the fine weather we've been having (when it's not raining) I donned ankle pants and ballet flats (no socks or hose!) for work on Friday. Needless to say I froze as the temperature dropped dramatically. But this morning finds me on the back deck having coffee and reading blogs - go figure.

Symdaddy said...

I don't know!

It gets a little bit chilly and you women dig out the winter woollies again!

Brit. women are hard! They can dance though snow,ice, wind and rain in all temperatures wearing nothing but handkerchief-sized clothing.

Dear, dear, dear!

What is America coming to?

bruce said...

my new motto...wake me in May...

(and i did try on my speedo the other day! i know fighting visual)

after seeing my shadow i retired back to under my rock and will await warmer temps...

Sioux said...

"...and speaking of behinds" is a great line. Perhaps Liza, after she graduates, can get a high-paying job and SHE can foot the bill for a trip to the beach?

Ponita in Real Life said...

I think hibernation has its merits. Perhaps I will try it next winter. It is a frigid -13C/8F here right now but at least the winds have stopped. The past couple of days saw a blizzard roll through with winds at tropical (I wish!) storm strength (67 kph gusting to over 90 kph - that's up to almost 60 mph!). Luckily we here in Winnipeg didn't get much snow, but I hear other areas to the south were not so lucky.

Although contemplation of spring is cruising through our minds, let's be mindful of the actual weather conditions and not get ahead of ourselves (or Mother Nature - she's clearly stuck in the past!). Stay warm, Pearl!

alwaysinthebackrow said...

This is the time of year when the question "Why am I living here?" becomes a refrain repeated over and over in my mind. No answer yet.

Eva Gallant said...

Were it not for my need for the proximmity of my grandchildren, I would have high-tailed it to warmer climes years ago!

jenny_o said...

Love the headlines - I make these up too and am delighted to find others who do the same.

IndigoWrath said...

Salt the road, get out your skateboard, hoist the sail, and by the weekend you could be in Baja and the endless sunshine. Hola!

Leenie said...

Spring? Wha....? Is that why someone stole one of my morning hours and left debris all over the sidewalk where that pretty snow belongs?

Belle said...

It's warm, it's cold, it's warm, it's cold. I don't appreciate March. Pick a temperature already!

On My Soapbox said...

Swimsuit? Haven't worn one for years. I'm pretty sure I know where it is, though. Not that I want to be seen in it.

Linda O'Connell said...

I am right there with you and ready to head South! You are so funny.

Robin said...

Ya just had to use the "s" word.
:)

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Pearl Pearl Pearl - we are on the same wavelength. My Facebook post this a.m. was:
"March: a schizophrenic mental patient of a month. Suck it, March."
And thank you for visiting my lowly little blog! Made my day yesterday!

Douglas said...

Life is cruel, March just emphasizes the point.

becca said...

march weather is proof that mother nature is a woman she has PMS

Susan in the Boonies said...

If you're contemplating trying on a swimsuit, you better wax more than your rhapsodic, if you know what I mean. Some things continue to grow all the cold winter long.

a Broad said...

No, stay away from the bathing suit !! it will only bring tears.
Even if you look fabulous in a bathing suit, the whiteness is scary :)

Yesterday it was 90ºF here.
Today it was 65ºF ... ahhhhhh~

Autumn ! come and get me !!

Amanda said...

Down here in Texas, the high temperatures have run between 60 and 75. It's been fantastic. Glorious! July, August, and September will see eggs fry on the sidewalk, but March, April, and June are wonderful.

Happy Frog and I said...

'Shhh. Shhh, my pretties. There will plenty of time for you to spray paint your creatively-spelled “tags” on my garage.' Loved that line. We have anti graffiti patrols in the summer where I live. They come round and remove graffiti if any idiots decide to put it on. Shall I give you their number?

Cake Betch said...

Um, I'm pretty sure I've NEVER 'excitedly' contemplated trying on my swimsuit. 'Dreaded', 'loathed', 'feared', 'rued'... those are more of what comes to mind when I think about getting into a bathing suit.

gayle said...

I don't like this time of year!! I never know what to wear.......sweaters and socks one day and the next sandles (and I can't wear them...cause my toes are not done)!!

Kate Mohler said...

I'm from MN and I have enjoyed reading your winter chronicle. I enjoy it from the warmth and springiness of AZ.