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Friday, February 18, 2011

We Have Buck Owens on Line One

Honestly, I don’t know how we do it; but every week we do. We get up Monday morning, blearily shuffle through our wardrobe in the hopes of finding something that showcases our best features while masking the regrettable ones, and suddenly – whoosh! – it’s Friday again.

When the going gets tough, the tough see the world in terms of wardrobe possibilities.

But what about the weekend, huh? What’s in store for us?
Jeans? Jammies? Strategically placed pets?

And here, my friend, is where we’re in luck; because I just so happen to have, in my pudgy little fist, the answers to all your questions, because as is well known in these parts, particularly between my own two ears, my iPod, set on shuffle and played on my Friday-morning commute, has prophetic and danceable qualities.

Shhh. Let’s listen.

Burma Shave by Tom Waits
Mr. Grieves by Pixies
Never Been to Spain by Three Dog Night
La Grange by ZZ Top
Sunny Side of the Street by The Pogues
Crazy by Gnarls Barkley

Whatever happens, clearly you’re going to do a bit of traveling, perhaps in uniform. There will also be margaritas, possibly with shaggy folk from the southern states. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So when I got on the bus this morning there was something new to consider.

See him up there? The guy at the front? He’s got a new cap, bless his heart, and he wants you to know just how very new it is.

And, apparently, how much he paid for it.

Remember Minnie Pearl? C’mon – ‘fess up! Who here remembers Hee-Haw?


This is Minnie, in her store-bought hat, the price tag proudly hanging, proof that she bought it, proof that she could afford it. Minnie was a comedian, and the hat was both a poke and a bit of a valentine aimed at country folk.

Ladies and gentlemen, Minnie’s back, in saggin’ trousers and a Chicago Bulls warm-up jacket, and she’s been reincarnated as a young man riding the bus.

I look at him from my seat toward the back and wonder if he’s heard of Minnie Pearl and what he’d think if he knew I was comparing him to her.

He’s sitting in the sideways seats behind the driver. The holographic sticker he’s failed to remove from the brim attests to the fact that this is a genuine cap made by a genuine manufacturer. The price tag hanging proudly in his line of vision corroborates the cap’s – and perhaps his – value.

I briefly toy with the idea of walking down the aisle, tapping him on the shoulder and whispering “Hey, you forgot to cut off your tag”.

I, myself, am unwilling to wear an article of clothing with the price tag still attached, partly because a good deal of my clothing has price-reduction stickers all over its tags and partly because unless it's part of your act, it's stupid.

There is also, of course, the subsequent need to carry the receipt with you. Hey – if you’re going to wear a hat with a price tag on it, you may be asked to provide evidence that you purchased it.

Minnie departs at the Light Rail stop. The bus proceeds; and we are poorer for his absence.

Human beings are fascinating.


Happy Friday, everyone. Don’t forget to come back tomorrow.

40 comments:

Joshua said...

Ohhhh...I hate that. I understand mistakes -- the size sticker still stuck on the pant leg that attests to the fact that you bought them and haven't washed them yet -- but leaving that tag on it is just stoopid. Yes, stoopid with the double "oo" for emphasis. Of course, I'm not going to take it off or even mention it too him. Why? I avoid conflict, that's why. I'm a guy. Sue me. Better than avoiding commitment, right?

Pearl said...

Joshua, I once wore a sweater for the good part of a day before I realized that I had a clear sticker with the letter "M" still on it. "Medium". That's nice.

Charlotte Ann said...

Have I missed something? Are there really people that do this on purpose? ...and if so..what is the purpose? Strange.....very strange.

George said...

I am befuddled by this fashion statement. I'm sure the bill of the cap was very flat as well. I will say that I'm a little disappointed that you teased me with Buck Owens and he didn't appear. No picking and grinning as I had hoped.

Pearl said...

Charlotte Ann, honey, you're not missing anything. :-) I seriously believe the tag is left there to show you how much he paid. Unless there's a reason beyond that? I don't know!

Pearl said...

George, I really should've fit the "I'm a'pickin' -- and I'm a'grinn'" bit in there somehow...

Camille said...

Loved that Minnie Pearl. Flash back 40 years, me and sister spied a woman several pews ahead with a tag hanging from her hat just like on Hee-Haw. Practically choked on the snorts and giggles until our Mother pinched us - HARD - to stop it this instant! A fine Christian woman she was. Boy that hurt - thanks a lot Minnie.

Simply Suthern said...

I was singing "Never Been to Spain" yesterday as I worked in the shop. I was sounding fine. Of course "Never been to Spain was about all I could remember.

I wore my new jeans out a couple months ago with the size sticker running down the back of my leg. Or was that wide load? Never Mind, means the same thing. LOL

Simply Suthern said...

BTW, Loved Hee Haw growing up. Loved Minnie Pearl. Howwwwwwdiiieee!!!!

AS a young lad I never seemed to find the young ladies dressed here like they did on the show tho.

Oilfield Trash said...

I never really watched Hee Haw growing up. Maybe I was too busy watching Benny Hill to watch much else.

And "La Grange" is the song that launched ZZ Top's career. It is actually rooted in some real local history (ZZ Top is from here in Houston) and the song is about a "brothel" that was out in La Grange, Texas.

Happy Frog and I said...

Smile at you by Fleetwood Mac was playing as I read this which is quite a nice way to start the Friday countdown to the weekend. I haven't got a clue about Hee Haw but will check it out on wiki later. Not sure if it reached the UK shores?

Price tags left on? Hmmm, anyone who does that on purpose needs help. I hope you have a lovely Friday/weekend.

Fragrant Liar said...

I do remember Minnie Pearl. Don't hold that against me, people. What a silly little man on the bus with his price tag hanging out. Better than something else, I guess.

Sweet Cheeks said...

My mom loved Hee-Haw and made everyone watch it at our house. I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for Roy Clark and Buck Owens. =]

Maybe the guy with the hat on the bus was secretly testing society to see if anyone would ask him about it?

Happy Weekend Tweety Pie!

NotaSupermom said...

When I need Buck Owens I dial BR-549.

Minnie Pearl and the Hee Haw was a big deal where I'm from. We studied her in history class--true story.

We went to the Smithsonian last year and her hat is in the Pop Culture section. I took a picture of that and Carol Burnett's "Went with the Wind" dress. So, just the important stuff.

Sausage Fingers said...

La Grange - a how how how how how.
Funny thing about the zzees, the shiny faced drummer is called "Frank Beard"
Imagine that. Have a great weekend and may many drinks with wee umbrellas make you smile.
Cheers, Sausage...

Sausage Fingers said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eva Gallant said...

I do remember watching Minnie Pearl on "The Grand Ole Oprey" on our black and white tv as a kid! That was a blast from the past for sure!

Pat Tillett said...

I have to go right to La Grange. A great song off of one of the best rock albums EVER! "Tres Hombres." If you don't remember the music, you gotta remember the orgy of mexican food on the inside cover! Damn I'm old...
Great post Pearl!

lisleman said...

"Strategically placed pets" - good - I remember my mom would strategically place the back of a chair in front of her if she spotted a camera.
Your Ipod did a good job today.

Andrew Green said...

I hate it when I put on a new dress shirt and realize it has pins in it....

Symdaddy said...

I never remove a price tag!

It gives people on the bus something to write about.

I should be paid for my contribution to literature, don't you think?

Douglas said...

Probably no worse (or different from) wearing a shirt that says "Tommy Hilfiger" or "DKNY"...

Debbie said...

I do remember Hee Haw. I was livid that my parents would watch it and I would be forced to watch it too if I wanted my tv fix:)

laughingmom said...

Tag displaying syndrome is closely related to droopy draweritis - same guys showing you their boxers are the ones that want to impress you with the amount of money they spent on a hat - should spend the bucks on a belt!

Jhon Baker said...

any day that starts with Tom Waits is a good god damned day.

Susan in the Boonies said...

I was hanging with my favorite local gal pals this morning. Near the end of our time together, I slipped into the powder room. To, you know, um, take a powder. (I really kinda needed your voice there with me, though, to help me relax....but I digress...). Now, this afternoon, 4 hours later, after once again stepping into the um, powder room at my own domicile, I discovered that during my last half hour with my gal pals, my old barn door open must have been hanging wide open.

~sigh~

I hope they don't blog about it.

Tracy said...

I loved Hee Haw growing up and adored Minnie Pearl! Now about that fashion sense you speak of? Fashion to me is whatever is comfortable; I am NOT the queen of fashion nor do I pretend to be. I actually am probably stuck in LL Bean, and Land's End, Eddie Bauer but is that so wrong? My fashion faux pa (however you spell it...) is when I strategically pull a dryer sheet out of my sleeve or the front of my blouse..yeah, that makes for a respect for a teacher!

PAMO said...

I've worn price tags on my clothing in the past. Oh how I wish someone would have told me! Oh how I wish....

Cathy C. Hall said...

I searched the world over and I thought I found true love, you met another and Sbbbbth, you was gone! Nothing to do with price tags. I just loved that Hee Haw bit. Kinda fond of Three Dog Night, too.

Enjoyed my little self-tour here. Y'all are kinda funny in MN.

On My Soapbox said...

I don't know.... Wouldn't keeping the "genuine" sticker on the hat make it more of a target for thieves? You know, like wearing the stock white iPod earbuds?

Kelley Simpson said...

If you cut off your own tags and see someone else with a tag should you tell them? I stood behind a woman at the Starbucks wondering this very thing. Maybe because I'm a mother, maybe because I have very little personal pride and wouldn't mind if someone told me I had a tag out, I told her. I waited till she was looking at the mugs, stalking her planning what I would say. When I did, and she looked at the tag, with the red reduced price on it from old navy, you would have thought I told her left breast had been out all day.
She was not thankful and all I could do was step back and get out of her personal space of flailing turmoil.
I will never do that again, lol
I confess to remembering Hee Haw, it scared me.

Mamma has spoken said...

This reminds me of a student who wears new clothes all the time. I wondered how her family could afford all these name brand clothes. Turns out they buy, them wear them, and return them with the tags still intact!

Gigi said...

How did you know I was shaggy?? Why yes, I *do* need a haircut, but I didn't realize it was that obvious!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I loved Hee-Haw and Minnie Pearl. I'm so glad she's alive and well and riding the bus with you. Bring scissors next time and sit directly behind him.
Happy weekend, Pearl.
xoRobyn

Cheeseboy said...

I had a size 34 sticker on the back of my pants for 6 hours yesterday. Fortunately, only 6-year-olds saw it.

Love the Gnarls!

24 Corners said...

Loved Minnie Pearl...are you two related, is she a namesake?? Just askin.
xo J~

Maundering mutterer said...

It has happened to me - they put so many stickers on stuff these days! And once... a jumble sale tag with a price on. Oh dear!

Dr. Cynicism said...

Let me take a wild guess - was the waistline of his pants set right around his kneecaps? Just curious.

bikim said...

great fun to discover it!

lovely blog!
happy weekend :)
Rosa

River said...

I usually get home from clothes shopping and cut off al the tags before I even have a coffee.
My weekend attire is jeans and t-shirts. After wearing uniform all week, it's a relief to finally be comfortable.