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Thursday, January 13, 2011

Wait. Yoga’s Not a Competitive Sport, Is It?

Here we are, half-way through January, and the newly reformed have yet to give up.

And the yoga studio is packed.

It’s all part of the practice, I think to myself. He/she doesn’t know an outward expression of calm is part of it, that his/her heavy sighs and grunts are distracting others, doesn’t know to be cognizant of where his/her feet/arms are in relation to his/her mat…

It’s enough to drive me/you/one mad.

It’s a New Year’s resolution of theirs, no doubt; and I’m sure all across the world something or other is full to bursting in January, what with people turning over leaves in varying stages of new-ness, only to return to normal operations by mid-February.

I can’t wait.

Not that I don’t wish our newly arrived brothers and sisters success! Of course, I do! Anything else would be stingy and mean-hearted, and I am neither of those things.

True, I once told a panhandler to “touch me and I’ll scream”.

And I have wished ill to droopy-drawered men, their pants belted just inches above their knees.

And then on one occasion I screamed across the street at a man known for consistently failing to pick up after his German Shepherd in the park to “…never come back here! I know who you are!”

Hmm. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen that guy or his dog in almost four years…

OK. So I’m not stingy, anyway.

Still, attendance at the yoga studio will be like last year, and the year before. They come in, riding the high of heartfelt resolutions and tingly with the excitement of the first week of yoga being free and in short measure discover that a hot class makes you sweat by the bucket, that holding a position until you tremble is hard work, and that the firm young bodies surrounding you are a blow to the ego.

In time, however, should they stay, come the discoveries that one adapts to the heat, that the mind gives up long before the body, that the nubile youngsters lack the determination of their elders and give up easily.

And that there’s nothing that feels as good as successfully doing the splits next to someone half your age.

39 comments:

haphazardlife said...

I need to get in shape before I start an exercise program.

- Jazz

Laoch of Chicago said...

Just the word Yoga brings images of hippies writhing in pain while chanting about the purity and happiness of being.

savannah said...

damn, sugar, i got tired just reading that! xoxoxo

That Janie Girl said...

Holy splittolie, you can do the splits? Thinking about taking up yoga as soon as I'm released from the doc post surgery. I think I'll like it.

bruce said...

positvely not for me this yoga thing, but enjoy!

Bruce
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Bruce’s guy book
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dreamodeling!

Oilfield Trash said...

I also need to get in shape before I start running again.

Does watching beautiful women do yoga count as getting in shape?

Big Fat Gini said...

Ugh. Yoga. It hurts too much to think about right now.

Pearl said...

I think it's the stretching -- yoga makes me feel taller.

And yes. In the splits, I'm about a quarter inch off the floor. :-)

I seem to enjoy individual style sports the most: ran cross country in high school, cross country skied in high school, now yoga. I want to be alone in large groups, apparently. :-)

Grant said...

Also thanks to NY resolutions, the liquor stores are now mostly empty. Maybe you could patronize them during this season instead.

Barbara Blundell said...

Our Aerobics was packed this week Over 60 there . Just have to watch out fir the domino effect

Symdaddy said...

Hahahahahaha! Get in shape before starting to exercise! I like it!

But I've gotta get in shape in order to get in shape before I start exercising!!!

I have become rather rotund following the Christmas excesses and would roll dangerously around the floor of any yoga class that was foolish enough to take on my blubber!

I envy you Pearl for your devotion to fitness ... but not as much as I envy my wife, who at this very moment is eating a bacon and egg sandwich.

Leenie said...

Way to go Pearl. Show those newbies how to sweat and stretch. Only the strong survive. Namaste.

Eva Gallant said...

Damn.....I couldn't do a split 50 years ago when I was IN shape!

Gary Baker said...

"And yes. In the splits, I'm about a quarter inch off the floor. :-)" ... I have absolutely nothing appropriate to say to that.

Pearl said...

Gary, I was afraid of that, but I've been playing the straight man for so long I couldn't resist.

Wait, Grant -- the liquor stores are empty?! Well we need to do something about that, don't we? I shall look into it tonight. Got a weekend coming up you know!

Sweet Cheeks said...

That Yoga...what a nice bear. Oh, wait...I may be slightly confused this morning.
;-)

Marlene said...

As much as I would love to try yoga - it would have to be in the privacy of my own home. I'm afraid I'd fart with trying to get into all those unnatural poses.

Cheeseboy said...

I was thinking of starting Zumba, but reconsidered because I thought I would show up everyone in the class. Also, I learned that Zumba is not pretending to shoot animals on safari.

Gino said...

i get sweaty just watching yoga.
does that count?

Pearl said...

Marlene, valid fear! :-) Actually, have been going three years now and have overheard only one fart.

Cheeseboy, LOL! :-)

Gino, I'm gonna think on that one and get back to you. :-)

Anonymous said...

I have wished an STD on a tailgater... if I believe in hell I would be going there.

Janis said...

I'm a terrible poster... "if I believeD in hell.."

mrwriteon said...

You can do the splits? I am so impressed. I wouldn't dare. I know I'd do myself and grievous mischief and would have to retire to a monastery.

Oh, and Wendy has just gone back to yoga, and she'll be one of them newbies as she hasn't done it for a few years.

becca said...

i hear the word yoga and i think of being tied into a pretzel

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

You sound like me when i belonged to a gym--all those people showing up in January made me SO CRABBY. GROWL!

Bouncin' Barb said...

While I'm all for doing whatever makes you feel good mentally and physically, I for one could not imagine bending and twisting like that. Of course I have back and nerve issues so it's not feasible. But I watch yoga on TV and I cringe at what looks like PAIN.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I started doing yoga at home last year and my initial thought was "Ah yoga! It's like meditation but also a gentle exercise, I can do that!" Then proceeded to groan, creak, sweat, ache and yes tremble (Thank you!) for days after. :) But it sure makes you feel good after!

Douglas said...

"In the splits, I'm about a quarter inch off the floor."

Yeah, I am just slightly higher than that... about 3 feet.

I don't do yoga. I think about doing Tai Chi but that's about as far as I get. Does golf count as exercise? It's sometimes a struggle to climb in and out of that cart...

Lazarus said...

Yoga class? No thanks, I'll take the frozen yogurt instead...

Belle said...

I used to go to aerobics class when I was in my late thirties and loved it when I could outlast the twenty-year-olds. I'd say that is pride and mean hearted! Oh dear.

alwaysinthebackrow said...

I'm with Marlene. It was one of my resolutions this year to try yoga, and I even had "yoga DVD" on my Christmas list. But no one gave me one for a gift. I haven't bought one for myself yet. It would only be in the privacy of my own home, with only the dog as witness. I am not sure how to teach him to dial 911, though.

tony said...

it's The Same here in England.All those New Year Resolutions!
It's Always Great For Me as I'm Always having to think up excuses for Not going to The Gym.So ,come each January, I can always say 'I'd love to go, but it will be too full' .
My New Years Resolution This Year is to think up some novel excuses for Febuary & Beyond!

Ocean Girl said...

I do yoga! A little, well even that not in the last one year or so;) My sister, Baby-pose (blog and call sign) is a yoga instructor and she has a great body. Keep it up, it is the best kind of exercise, I believe.

Cloudia said...

Again your lightness shows steel `neith the silliness!

Great post...


Aloha from Waikiki

Comfort Spiral

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Revenge Of The Flipper Kids said...

I've never really tried yoga but I used to take part in that torture that Billy Blanks used to push - Tae Bo. OMFG. If you want to know what being a prisoner of war feels like, do Tae Bo. It's the best exercise ever, granted, but it's not pleasant. You exercise muscles you never know you had and the guy is a slavedriver. Thank god that fad is over. :)

Tony Spunk said...

Yoga is a bitchin' sport. I don't partake myself although I like standing around outside rooms where ladies are doing yoga. They bend over a lot don't they? I admire their brave moves. Not that it's creepy in any way or anything. It's purely for research purposes. Same thing when I get home and am thinking about it all over again with a jar of Nivea.

Whoa that reached a new level of creepy huh?

Powdered Toast Man said...

New Year's Resolutions are for suckers.

(My resolution is to stop being a sucker)

Roses said...

The yoga classes I did in the summer were awesome and finding a good class is on my list of things to do.

First though, I shall be having more cake.

River said...

The splits?
Holey doughnut! I can't even touch my toes anymore.
I never could do the splits anyway, even when young, my hips just don't move that way.