I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Plus I Still Have All of My Own Teeth

Every day, I am flooded by people offering compliments.

I’m not entirely sure that they’re meant as compliments, but dagnab it, that’s how I’m going to take them.

As long-time readers will no doubt recall, I’ve got the posture of a Midwestern goddess. After a childhood of “sit up straight, and suck in that gut!” I appear to be the most upright of citizens. I sit ramrod straight. No backs of chairs for me! Slouching? Well, we’re not slouching people, are we? No, we are not. I assure you that if you ever come across me in any sort of slumping or stooping position I am most likely dead.

You may have whatever is in my pockets.

And so it is with all of this in mind that I tell you that, once again, the compliments are coming fast and furious.

The latest one?

“You know what? Your head is the perfect size for your body.”

What?! And here I thought no one would ever notice this! Here I’ve gone years privately thinking, well, whatever else happens, at least my head is the right size for my body.

And now? To have had it noticed, and commented on, by a perfect stranger?

Score!

Thank you, Drunken Appreciative Stranger!

39 comments:

Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

I have never heard that- head/body ratios in order- I have been told my boobs are the right size for my body-read small/petite- is that a compliment?

Gigi said...

Well now - that certainly is a compliment!

Maundering mutterer said...

Oh well, so it goes. At least he was more interested in your head than what is down your shirt! My favorite compliment: 'You look beautiful in the dark'. Gee. Thanks.. I think!

Sioux Roslawski said...

I've heard, "Your boobs are the longest I've ever seen," and "Your hair color is the exact same color as rat fur." Those are both compliments, right?

That Janie Girl said...

I've had lots of compliments, but they're NEVER about my body.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

Susan in the Boonies said...

A guy once told me that the whites of my eyes were incredibly white.

Of course, that was early in the evening....

Oilfield Trash said...

I had a stranger say I had nice feet once. I told the person thank you and that it must be nice to have x-ray vision because I had shoes on. Turns out she was hitting on me, and I didn't even know it until I got to my office two hours later.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Make sure they weren't weighing you up for disposing of the body...

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Well on the upside, at least no one said "Hey lady, you totally look like a bobblehead!"

Which I'm sure they say all the time to that Italian chick on the Food Channel...

Will Burke said...

Well. Umm... as far as drunken come-ons go, he sure gets the Unique prize.

IndigoWrath said...

Hey Pearl! Compliments from drunken strangers? Sweet! And just think - they could have collared anyone. But you were their first choice. You're special! indigo

Camille said...

AND we could also say you have a high tolerance to extreme cold and hardly EVER succumb to hypothermia!

Eva Gallant said...

This feature, I'm sure, will make you easy to recognize, should I ever make it back to Minneapolis!

Douglas said...

The person complimenting you was likely an artiste, someone who is into the aesthetics of the human form. Ratios are important to such people.

On the other hand, I cannot understand people being complimented for something over which they have no control. Like the color of one's eyes, the size of one's nose, or the size of one's feet.

"Thank my parents," is all I can say.

powdergirl said...

I'm big on posture too.

A little kid at the hockey arena recently told me my mouth was too wide for my little thin head.

He never made it to 7, tsk.

Bouncin' Barb said...

I'm just shy of 6' and when I was a teenager my aunt used to punch me in the shoulders if she saw me stooping. If I had your height I'd be proud as hell was what she told me over and over. Then when I went to typing class my teacher showed us the proper posture for typing. Thankfully I still use that and rarely sit in a chair and lean against the back. It paid off.

Flea said...

Was this encounter on the number 10 bus? What en endearing thing to say!

Kal said...

I was once told I was very quick for someone who should be the slow and weak of the herd. But that person had a bobble head. I guess we all are freaks in some way. You are just more perfect than others I guess.

Mandy's Kidding said...

Head-to-body proportion is the new skinny.

Jhon Baker said...

Drunken compliments are the best. Honest to a fault.

Roses said...

Wow! What a...beautiful compliment. I think.

They breed 'em strange in your parts.

Pearl said...

I really must stop making eye contact. I think that's the problem. I made eye contact with people and the next thing you know they're telling me all sorts of things... My dad, my brother, me: people confess to us. Really, I shoulda been a cop. :-)

Belle said...

Love that compliment. It is totally unique!

I used to make eye contact and smile at people when I moved to the big city of Vancouver. After a few years I understood why people didn't do that. The men seemed to think I wanted sex right there on the street, and the women usually asked for money.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Oh, geez, now I'm going to be watching for people who have heads the wrong size for their bodies. What are the guidelines for right and wrong head sizes?

David L Macaulay said...

oh no - the secret's out. That's kind of up there with 'your arms of both the same length'

David L Macaulay said...

are both the same length even...

alwaysinthebackrow said...

I know that sounds like an odd compliment. You may be just oblivious to the gift of having a proportional head. But have you ever seen someone with a very large head, or a very small one? Really, it is not a pleasant sight......so, take the compliment in the spirit in which it was intended. Or not.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Just think, had you been slouching, he may not have complimented you at all.

I found myself forcing a more upright position while reading this. It didn't last long; I'm a habitual sloucher. I guess that's why no drunken fool has ever paid me such a compliment. (Perhaps you should slouch a litte.)

xoRobyn

becca said...

lol..glad to know your head is the perfect size. great post

Su said...

Ah, but are your ears & nose of complimentary sizes? That't the real test.

Terry said...

Howdy Pearl
Oh girl you do make me smile !
I enjoy the way you turn a phrase :)
Thank you for dropping by my blog today .
Until next time
Happy Trails

Simply Suthern said...

Proper head size, Good posture, All your teeth? What more could one ask?

Symdaddy said...

I have never received a compliment.

No one even knows I have a head, never mind the rights sized one for my body ... which would probably make my head somewhere near the size of a medium sized family car.

One day I'm gonna go to Mini Apples, or whatever it'scalled, and get me a compliment!

Mr London Street said...

My compliment to you, Pearl, is that I noticed this was a re-post.

Macy said...

Erm.. not wanting to be a glass half empty kind of reader here, but your body is a sorta normal size isn't it???

Yes? Just me that needs a bigger head then?

Lynne H. said...

Ha.. I was a bartender once and this guy pulled me aside, in a dead serious moment he said, "You have the most beautiful neck".. Really?
Guess I can be a neck model, right?

Kate Mohler said...

Right on the money, Pearl! I had to move from MN to PA in high school, where I was regularly (and horrifically) teased for walking around "with a stuck up my butt". Hey, it was my Minnesota Good Posture!

Gary Baker said...

In my fifty-six years I've received one compliment regarding my physicalitynessitude:
February 19th 2004, 2:17pm, “You have nice eyes.” The charming young lady who uttered those kind words looked up from the photograph of me, back at the photo, back to me, the photo, me, photo, me, photo, then said, “And they say the camera never lies ... huh.”

Dr. Cynicism said...

Oh yea? Well your blog is the perfect dose of happy for all of us readers! (I admit, the head compliment was much better - congratulations on proper cranium size)