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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Accompanying You to the Bathroom This Evening will be D. G. Squeakers

Every family has one, I suppose, a loved one who has claimed a certain part of the house for his own.

I, for instance, seem to have claimed the kitchen. If I’m not hunched and giggling over a laptop somewhere, that's where you’ll find me, up to my elbows in dirty dishes.

You’d think they’d make a machine for that sort of thing, wouldn’t you?

And then there’s my son, with the benefits of three-quarters of a college education, a second-shift job, and weekend drumming gigs, who is somehow never seen entering his bedroom but only emerging.

Squinty-eyed and blinking against the filtered light of the living room, I fear he’s become nocturnal.

And that brings us to Dolly “Gee” Squeakers – AKA Dali G, AKA Squeak Monger, AKA No, Kitty, No!. A badger-shaped long-haired Siamese cross of the mewing persuasion, Dolly Gee Squeakers, formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers, is a cat of simple pleasures.

Relentlessly teased as a kitten for her lisp, Dolly is an easy-going puss, an animal with few desires aside from the odd bit of dangled string and a need to accompany you to the bathroom.

Three a.m. Quick run to the bathroom, is that it? No need to go alone! Dolly insists that she join you. She mumbles queries whilst doing so, and I am nightly reminded of Columbo, the TV detective of my childhood, with his nonchalant, seemingly pointless questions. Whatcha doin’? Goin’ to the bathroom, huh? Why? Goin’ back to bed right after? Hey, what thay you and I thtay up, huh, talk about what’th goin’ on in yer life?


Once inside the bathroom, Dolly Gee throws herself at your feet, purring loudly, every fiber of her fuzzy little body radiating goodwill. It’s special, this bathroom time with you; and if you’re silly enough to turn the light on at that time of morning, you will see her vividly blue and ever-so-slightly crossed eyes looking up with all the love she can muster.

It never fails, this mid-night trip and its feline accompaniment. She escorts me to the bathroom, mutters various questions at me, then runs out only to throw herself on the living room floor, demanding one more “pet” before I go back to bed.

Dolly “Gee” Squeakers, Bathroom Kitteh.

We all have our purpose, don’t we?

And sometimes that purpose is bathroom attendee.

49 comments:

Jellybaby said...

LOL all the more reason to adore the fluffy little monsters XOXO

Jeannie said...

My dog always accompanies me to the upstairs bathroom. The cat attends if I go to the downstairs one.

Maybe it's a thing for animals. I always get the feeling they want to make sure I'm not going to escape out the window.

Sarah said...

It seems like all of my animals have been obsessed with bathroom accompaniment. My theory is that it has something to do with the extra humidity from showering.

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

I love these routines, and miss them if they are there 'bothering' me...but once in the dark as one of my cats was wending it's way round my legs as I lowered myself to the pot...I sat on her tail and well, we both jumped and yeowled and well, you can just imagine, can't you?!

Simply Suthern said...

Our cat, Festus, (of the Humane Society Gunsmoke Series) cant get enough Bathroom time with you. We have the litterbox in there as well so he uses the facilities along with you. He needs a fan.

Oilfield Trash said...

When I grow up I want to be able to tell my life story like you do Pearl.

You are very gifted.

Eva Gallant said...

That was cute. I can just see Dolly G.!

Glen said...

have you tried training her to clean it for you?

bruce said...

hi. i am tucker. i am a puppy...i write daddys blog on 2sdays...

and i gotta say...

dolly gee! you are BRAVE! i will never go in the bathroom. it is scarey...


(daddy says this post is awesome!)

Bruce
bruce johnson jadip
evilbruce
stupid stuff i see and hear
Bruce’s guy book
the guy book
Dreamodel Guy
dreamodeling!

Bouncin' Barb said...

Awww, that reminded me of my Sheltie Amy, who used to follow me everywhere including the bathroom. Just to make sure all was ok!

Bossy Betty said...

How wonderful to have your own escort! You must feel like royalty as you sit upon the throne!

Big Fat Gini said...

*Snicker

That was ridiculously cute. Much cuter than Mr. BFG's Crazy Aunt's dog. She wouldn't eat unless someone was in the kitchen with her. So, if you went to quickly get a drink of water, she would run in there, gulp down a few bites and then run back out behind you. Oh, and then, she'd jump in your son's carrier and lick him half to death. Which is exactly what you want as a first time mom.

Wait. What were we talking about?

Jhon Baker said...

oh, just one more thing...

Pearl said...

I think Dolly sees it as one of many functions (let's see, there's Bathroom Monitor, Hot Water Bottle, and Frying Pan Licker, just off the top of my head). She's a good kitty. :-)

Sausage Fingers said...

That little feline that I found back in October is now running my house. Cats are the devil I tell ya...

Chelle said...

OMFG. I just blogged about Peter Falk before I even knew about this blog entry. What is happening?? Moog blogs about Steve Buscemi simultaneously the day before yesterday and not BAM. Columbo.

Chelle said...

My mind is melted.

Chelle said...

*not= now in case you have no imagination and have never encountered a typo before.

Pearl said...

Chelle, I hear ya! :-)

Maundering mutterer said...

... and then sometimes they actually get up on hind legs and try to get a look at what you're doing - disconcerting, especially if you're a seat-edge percher.

haphazardlife said...

I had a cat like that. Every time I went to the bathroom he demanded in, jumped on my lap, and facing the same way as I, would lean back into me and demand petting and neck scratching.

It was a tradition it was.

I miss him.

- Jazz

Sweet Cheeks said...

My theory is that cats think humans are idiots and need constant monitoring.

Seriously. They're mocking us right to our faces.
=]

becca said...

got to love the kitty

Will Burke said...

If anyone's going to follow you to the can for the express purpose of getting affection, I'm glad it's Squeekers. I've had six black eyes and two lost teeth trying that trick.

Jumble Mash said...

Love it! I guess it's nice having some company while you do your business? My dog thinks that when I go into the bathroom there is a secret hidden door and that I'll never come back out. He sits and cries outside the door until I emerge again.

Symdaddy said...

It would be nice to be followed into the bathroom by just a cat or a dog ... but I get followed in there by two cats that are followed by three curious dogs that are just wanting to see what the cats are up to.

It's a small bathroom!

One stinky doggy fart could do for us all!

Fragrant Liar said...

I think it's time you started training her to give you a damp, warm hand towel (via tongs) and a squirt of cheap perfume. Fair exchange for the litterbox sanitation, I'd say.

Leenie said...

Sweet Cheeks nailed it.

Jon in France said...

The kitchen is also my domain, right next to the wood burner if I can manage. But here I conflict with Bonnie the Wonder Dog who - despite being a shaggy dog - believes it to be her space.

Usually I lose.

Roses said...

I don't know how to go to the bathroom alone anymore. I find going to the bathroom at work a traumatic experience.

First, it was my baby. He needed to come in with me. Then he grew out of that and we got The Cat.

The Cat will follow me or Boy into the lav. And God forbid I try and shut the door! She unleashes the Claws of Fury. It's so much easier to leave the door open.

Douglas said...

Dolly Gee is just anticipating a lap.

My (self-)assigned space is the living room sofa... right side only. And, of course, Master of the DVR Control. My secondary job is Mr. Fixit but I often fail at that.

You've Got to Be Kidding Me said...

I think she keeps hoping you'll leave her a dollar.

Kal said...

Admiral Fluffy Von Scoochie-Baloo (of the Manhatten Scootchie-Baloos) can't be left out of any visit I made to the bathroom. He never stops talking from beginning to end. It's like he is telling me what he thinks of the article I am reading in Entertainment Weekly. By the volume of his meowing I can only guess that he is not a fan of Snookie but thinks the 'Situation' is 'dreamy'.

Belle said...

I used to let my dog come in the bathroom with me, but then she would put her head on my lap. It was a little disconcerting! She lays outside the door now.

Douglas said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Douglas said...

Sorry for the double comment but I thought I might bring up the possibility that Dolly Gee is concerned about what you are doing to her "water bowl."

Louisiana Belle said...

Cute and wonderfully told, Pearl. You have a gift.

Boom Boom Larew said...

I'm lovin' this one, Pearl! I'm visiting my sister in Florida this week and sharing a room with her cat. Good times!

darsden said...

How sweet is that! purrfect

HermanTurnip said...

Cats are bizarre creatures. Ours claims the pillows on the couch. It doesn't matter which pillow, just as long as it's the one you want to use. Get up for a second and she sprawls all over it, then goes both limp and stiff at the same time making it impossible to move her. Heh...

Steve Gravano said...

Yes, I can relate. We have a cat that follows us into the bathroom. And if you shut the door, she meows from the outside.
She also sleeps in the bathroom sink. Go figure...

alwaysinthebackrow said...

I miss having a cat. The little dog stays with me in the bathroom, but it just isn't the same.

Irish Gumbo said...

Does she offer up a towel, or some scented soap?

Lazarus said...

If I had a cat following me to the bathroom at 3 a.m. I would feel bad for the feline because the ole aim ain't that good when groggy...My guess it would be a short-lived escort experience before the cat wised up.

Gigi said...

And this is why I can't have a pet. I prefer privacy while in the bathroom. It about killed me to have a small child follow me in there.

hoodyhoo said...

Calpurnia Jean also has to accompany me to the Throne Room for chit-chat (must be in the Siamese genes)... and gawd forbid you try to shut the door, then it's a cacophany of thumping and desperate paws beneath the jamb!

IndigoWrath said...

It never fails to amuse me how they find these new opportunities to be fed. 3am? No problem. Mind you, I got up at 3am once and ordered a pizza. Hey, I was peckish. Don't judge me.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Nice!

Susan in the Boonies said...

Aw! I like this post a lot! She's slightly crosseyed, just like Columbo.

The other night, I was taking care of business in the middle of the night, while coughing out my lung, when my needlenosed German Shepherd Pillie, silently padded into the pitch dark bathroom and put her wet tongue on my face. My cough nearly turned into a SHRIEK! Didn't see her coming! And then, ....nothing but tongue. Make that tongue ON cheek.

Why do they DO that???