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Thursday, November 11, 2010

So I’ll Be Boiling Everything From Now On…

If you’re like me – and I see no reason to believe that you’re not, outside of your successful interpersonal relationships, fulfilling careers, and fabulous physical attributes – then it’s time to go through the brain-twisting process of determining the direction of your corporate medical and dental insurance for next year.

You have my condolences.

It’s an incredible responsibility, filling out those forms. One wrong move, and the dentist is fitting you with cheddar-cheese crowns.

And having gone through the ordeal of filling out all those forms, you’d think I’d be of some help to you, wouldn’t you? Be there to hold your hand, walk you through it, maybe offer you a soothing lavender spray mist and a joke at the end?

Alas, all I remember of the experience, now that it’s over, is that there was an online calculator involved, questions regarding what they pay me, how many prescriptions I’d had over the past year, how many I suspected I would have next year, and various undignified pop-up-style comments regarding public transportation, handwashing, and safe sex.

They didn’t really ask about the safe sex.

But I’m surprised that they didn’t. Everything else seemed to be open for discussion.

In the end, I received a $2500 medical deductible and best wishes for my continued wellbeing.

I feel good about this.

To a healthy 2011! Skol!

31 comments:

Oilfield Trash said...

I hate this time of year. It seems like November should be renamed "Corporate America Fucks It's Employees Month".

Camille said...

Mornin'Pearl; Good grief, you just reminded me that I have that same medical insurance decision making "to do" list for today. I know this is aging the bejeebers out of me - but I remember the days when 100 clams a year for a deductable was considered outragous - the bastards! I had a $2,500.deductable last year.*sigh* May you be showered (or at least heavily sprinkled) with fabulous health next year.

Simply Suthern said...

We had our yearly benefit open enrollment meeting yesterday. Somebody remind me but aint we in the computer age? Dont they already know more about me than I do. I know the Google Street view guy came by and whilst shooting my house pic scanned my home network for all pertinent info including my kids password to Club Penguin. So why all the forms? Maybe I have changes? I'm Baptist, We dont change anything. But I have the packet, the forms and a webinar to go thru. PPO or EPO? Extra Life? Gotta pass that test. OCD? We gotta program for you. I might just take them up on the Free Psych exam tho.

Pearl said...

On the one hand, it's nice having options; and on the other hand, all of the options are confusing.

I'm tellin' ya: one wrong move...

Douglas said...

I get to do this twice over the next 8 months. First, there is the selection process for my ever shrinking (it seems) medical benefits from my former company and then, about mid-2011, I get to sign up for Medicare. I will then officially be an Old Fart. I didn't intend to live this long. I am still trying to sort out whether this is a Good Thing.

Pearl said...

Ah, Douglas. It's a good thing. :-)

Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

So happy for you- hope you didn't get carpal tunnel from filling out all the forms- that would bite!

Eva Gallant said...

I agree; it's a formidable task!

Susan Higgins said...

I'm working on my elderly mom's insurance now... there is NO WAY on this Earth that a senior can figure out insurance by themselves. I sure do wish we had Universal Healthcare coverage for everyone.

blueviolet said...

I don't have insurance at all. I think I'll be following in your footsteps soon!

Gigi said...

I hate this time of year - I always open the information with great trepidation - waiting to see what has been cut from the package this year. It's always something - and it's usually something important! Maybe I should just buy funeral insurance and be done with it.

Willoughby said...

So many forms! Aren't we supposed to be "going green"???

Jon in France said...

Sounds dreadful! Our health insurance is obligatory, but can't be denied us or its cost increase whatever medical history we might have.

The government underwrites the cost.

Sorry, that should read "taxpayer."

lisleman said...

cheddar-cheese crowns - now that's an idea to sink your teeth into.

Sweet Cheeks said...

Ooo...next year CALL ME! This is what I do 5 days a week/8 hours a day, Honey. I handle the medical insurance companies for our patients at the clinic.
It's also the reason I've gone totally mental, but hey, that counts as a bonus for you - right?
;-)

Kate said...

Well, in my case, they chose the deductible FOR me. And if that wasn't enough, when they asked who the beneficiary should be for my life insurance policy and I said my dad, the lady looked at me and said, "What? You're not married? No kids? That's weird. You're the first one today." Really, lady? You take everything I've ever come to see as my failure as a woman and sum it up in one sentence while I'm signing up for my health insurance that also pays my therapy bills? You just added another whole year on. Thankyouverymuch.

Grant said...

I just remember Aetna - good, Metlife - bad, and I get through it. For added fun, my employer frequently switches insurance carriers mid-year and doesn't tell us. It adds a bit of whimsy to go to the hospital and discover you don't know your insurance information.

Lisa said...

Health care seems to get more and more difficult :P

Sausage Fingers said...

Ah yes one of the benefits of self employment, have the wife fill in the forms while I plan my next grab ass attack.

Linda Medrano said...

Oh Honey, I hate options. Direct me. Don't give me choices! Doctors even do this now. I mean, give me a break. Tell me what I'm supposed to do. You went to medical school, I didn't.

Jinksy said...

Thank goodness for UK's NHS!

Jhon Baker said...

ug, I've been putting off getting insurance as ours will run out in December. Private insurance now - what a bother and I am not sure that I would do it if it weren't for having a little one to care for. It's all a gamble - for you and them, they are betting you will not get ill and you are basically betting that you will; I'd like to reverse the option and not get insured but like I said - with the little it seems so irresponsible to not get it.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Ah bliss... I shall enjoy the NHS while we still have it.

The closest I've come to all this palaver was when I had the nervous breakdown and I had to visit the council's health insurer's clinic to make sure I was barmy enough to go back to work.

"Are you a practising homosexual?"
"Do they need a lot of practice?"
"Have you a history of drug taking?"
"I work in a library, I can probably get it for you."

Serves me right for being such a smart-arse: they decided I was fit for work.

Elly Lou said...

By that title I would have sworn that post was gonna be about bed bugs. Sadly the idea of medical enrollment forms are even more terrifying. I'll take that lavender spray now, thanks much.

Cheeseboy said...

Is 2500 good? Mine is like 5 stinkin grand. I should send mine to you and have you fill them out. I'd even pay you. This could be an entirely new business opportunity for you.

Or you could write funny posts about it, which I enjoy just as much.

EcoGrrl said...

This is a time, readers, to be glad you have health insurance. I do not have the option to fill out paperwork as I am a contractor at my company and therefore if I get sick, I take a Vitamin C.

Sue said...

We somehow lost our vision coverage last year. I'm hoping we can regain that this year. Cross your fingers for me.
This is another example of our lack of communication after 25 years. He forgot to ask me if we wanted to see next year.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

I fancy myself as being somewhat intelligent, except when it comes to doing my taxes and selecting health insurance. Seriously, how do stupid people get by?

HermanTurnip said...

I recently went through this bit of corporate hell, and wasn't quite sure what I was doing. A trip up to HR for some answers and I now have dental coverage and, somehow, a membership to the hairclub for men.

I really wish they'd make these things a bit more understandable...

vanilla said...

Oh, gosh. We oldsters aren't exempt from the nightmare, either. I've gotta go "examine" and select a choice for Medicare Part D. Thanks
for the reminder. One wrong move, you know--

Mrs.Trellis said...

UK NHS fixes most things for us for free.
Translation: "Free" = someone else pays for it.
British General Practitioners reckon that something like 80% of patients have a self-inflicited condition caused by eating too much, drinking too much, smoking and sitting on their fat asses watching TV/riding in cars/ twittering, facebooking, blogging, texting instead if getting down to the gym/riding a push bike/jogging/swimming . . .
Aw what the hell . . . rant over. Byeee!