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Sunday, November 21, 2010

My Next Number Goes Out to the Ladies on the Bus...

I’m sorry to keep dragging you back on to the bus like this, but if you’re going to keep hanging around?

Then I’m going to keep dragging you back. Hey – if I have to ride the bus, so do you.

And if you keep squirming like that? You’re going to get a firm swat.

But not you. I get the feeling that would not be a punishment for you… I saw the look in your eye at the mention of a swatting! Man! I’d never noticed that before, but you’re kind of a pervert, aren’t you?

I’m sorry – what was I blathering on about again?

Oh, yes.

A new lip-syncher has made his way on to the bus, an old-style-pro-wrestler-looking dude in his mid-50s.

You know the kind – shaved head, thick neck, looks like he might have a velvet cape somewhere in his closet?

There he is, fingers a’poppin’, his be-booted foot keeping spastic time with whatever is on his headphones. Seriously, how could anything be in that time signature? I watch his feet, trying to catch the beat. I watch the fingers of his right hand as he plucks at the string of his imaginary bass.

Or could it be an imaginary banjo?

Remember back in the day, when you thought that by the time you reached the age of, oh, 54 or so, that you would acquire some dignity?

Oh, how I wish the woman with the Serious Headphones was here. If I could get both of them in one little cell-phone video, I would risk the disapproving glare of, well, someone, I’m sure.

(Minnesotans are known for their pursed-lip shows of disapproval. Most of us won’t actually say anything, but we’ll openly frown on you! Oh, yes we will!)

Anyway, the lesson I got from this morning’s bus ride?

Today’s message is that you’re never too old to enjoy a hard-rockin’, Live-and-In-Concert, on-the-bus-in-rush-hour fantasy of drivin’ the wimmins wild with your crazy lead-banjo self.

And if you need proof, he’s riding the 17.

27 comments:

Hilary said...

I've seen some of the most amusing characters and interactions while riding the bus. You paint this image as if I were right there myself. Too funny.

Chandrika Shubham said...

I enjoyed reading about the bus ride. :)

Simply Suthern said...

Is it easy to dicern between pursed lips of disapproval and just plain puckered up?? One wouldnt wanna confuse them I would think.

Being an out of time lip-synching head bobber my self I applaud his efforts. I am just fortunate enuff to blame it on my wore out Monroe shocks.

alwaysinthebackrow said...

When he sings out loud, the pursed frowns will change to out loud scowls. We Minnesotans know how to keep these weirdos in their place. Nicely.

Kay Dennison said...

I like your perspective on these folks!!!

a Broad said...

My bus ride, if I were to ever take one ( odds are 0 to none) it would be nothing like yours.
Mine ( where I currently live) would feature me being dragged to my death because the driver took off and slammed the door shut before I had quite made it onto the bus.
I hate it that I can picture , so clearly, the air banjo player :(

Leenie said...

Wish I'd been there to see him. But you've described your bus companion most vividly. I'd suggest you smack a few of those pursed-lip tight butts showing their disapproval, but they might like it.

My twelve years of hours of bus riding during my school days are over, but certainly not forgotten. That is one place you get to know people in ways you never wish you had. Sorta like shopping at Wal-Mart.

Symdaddy said...

I play drums for an air guitar band!

Roses said...

I have been known to dance to my own soundtrack at the bus stop.

Surprisingly, no one invaded my personal space while queueing, nor did I have any company when the bus finally arrived.

I don't understand it myself.

EcoGrrl said...

i love the diversity on the bus - everyone is themselves and that's a beautiful thing even if it makes us giggle :)

Eva Gallant said...

Just to let you know....I'm 66 and still haven't found my dignity!

Oilfield Trash said...

At least they don't play with themselves on your buses. People do that all the time on the buses in Houston.

Logical Libby said...

I would take the air banjo player any day over the religious zealots on the buses in SLC.

Douglas said...

I don't mind riding on your bus, no dragging needed... unless I have to pay the fare.

In your car no one can hear you sing off key.

WrathofDawn said...

This means I only have 32 more days to acquire some dignity? Feets, don't fail me now!

Pat Tillett said...

I hope to gain some dignity someday! Nah, not really...

becca said...

i love to people watch and yes i'm the crazy person mouthing the words to songs while tapping my foot with the headphones on and music blasting

powdergirl said...

Over here in beautiful BC, just last year, we had some guy lose his shit entirely, and actually cut the head off another passenger, really, he cut the guys head. Off.
Makes lip-pursing seem fairly benign, no?

I stay off those Grey Hounds m'self these days.

bruce said...

found you thru Rabbit...

great story...

and so was the previous bus story...

i keep a not pad with me always cuz you never know when you might see something that needs to be written...

at 47 i am unable to remember all i see, so i write it down, while driving, drexting, puttin on lip gloss, and eatin' a gas station hotdog...

great blog

Windsmoke. said...

G' Day From Australia, That was a bizarre bus ride indeed i enjoyed the fellow playing air banjo and bass he was just rockin' out enjoying the ride.

Flea said...

Suuuure Pearl. You're just pullin' my leg. And you know you can get away with it because I can't get my butt to the bus stop on time in the mornings. Dang.

loveable_homebody said...

I'd pretend it was air banjo instead of air guitar. Rocking out in public takes guts, but it makes you wonder who just wants attention...

I'm such a fan of your original phrasing.

Tempo said...

I like trying to work out what theyre listening to my their actions...so funny!

haphazardlife said...

Oh lord. The bus. How I hate the bus. - Jazz

Vintage Christine said...

I had the great good luck to be able to commute to my job via San Francisco cable car in the early 70's--then I moved out near Golden Gate Park and reverted to streetcars and buses for transportation. I LOVED it, and we always had any number of characters as fellow passengers. When you rode the bus through Chinatown you had every chance of sharing your seat with a Chinese woman holding a caged live chicken. Thanks for your post--it brought back some great memories!!

white rabbit said...

Christmas always takes me by surprise too. Not sure why it should. 25th December. Every year. Totally predictable.

Doreen F. McCabe said...

wtf.. you guys all have buses??? oh in Massachusetts we don't. why? cause we gave them all to the illegals...just sayin'