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Saturday, November 27, 2010

Fruit Flies Like A Banana

Unstructured time and I are not on good terms. I rattle around like a firefly in a jar for a bit, brain synapses firing randomly until I just fall over.

Although now that I think about it, maybe I’m just not getting enough oxygen…

I start out with the best of intentions, of course; but like many busy people, the moment I don’t have a deadline, my rear end goes in search of a couch.

Don’t be so hard on yourself, Mary says. You do plenty. Go ahead and watch TV.

Oh, Mary, Mary, Mary. You have no idea what you’ve just unleashed.

So I was laying on the couch yesterday, four hours into a What Not To Wear marathon, breathing deeply, blinking slowly, a pillow-seam slowly imprinting itself on my cheek, when a tiny bug flitted into view.

Fruit fly.

Fruit fly? The porch now doubles as a freezer, the number of clothing items I am now required to wear at any given time almost guarantees that I will never lose at Strip Poker in the winter and I find a fruit fly in the living room?

I set off to investigate.

A review of the kitchen revealed nothing out of line, nor did the bathroom or the bedroom.

I was stumped. What’s going on here? Did I fall asleep in the winter and awake in the spring? Is there a banana stuffed between the couch cushions?

Am I on a new “reality” show?

And then I looked up to the heating vents.

No way.

They’re coming through the vents from the upstairs tenants.

Don’t get me wrong. I got mad respect for the fruit fly. Small and relatively harmless, entirely splatter-free when I kill it for invading my space, the fruit fly comes from out of nowhere.

You gotta respect that.

But respecting the mighty fruit fly is a far cry from providing it housing.

And talking to a tenant about housekeeping ranks right up there with expressing concern over a friend’s weight gain or choice in men.

Shoot. Here I thought I had free time.

27 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

What not to wear marathon....perfect use of unstructured time.

Tay Talk said...

I would have gone and said something to the tenants above. That's gross.

*High Five* for watching the best show on TV!

Douglas said...

Never play strip poker in a bikini. That's my advice. I guess the corollary would be always play strip poker in the winter.

I didn't know fruit flies actually liked bananas, I just thought it was peaches or oranges. I always worried about tarantulas when it comes to bananas.

Gigi said...

Hmmm, maybe charge the upstairs tenants extra for the "pets?" This could work out to your advantage.

vanilla said...

See, I warned you about that landlordin' bidness.

ellen abbott said...

I'm convinced fruit flies appear through immaculate genesis...or something like that.

Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

I do like the splatter free aspect of them as well-

The Retired One said...

You can always run up and ask them if they have any "old banana" you can "borrow" to make some banana bread??? hahaa

powdergirl said...

I love "What Not to Wear." Fruit flies, not so much. They get in my wine : (

Leenie said...

But.....bananas don't fly. And I know fruit flies do. They announce, as in your case, the decomposition of an abandon edible in a dark place. Sometimes they take up residence in a favorite, but neglected, house plant and delight in flying up the nostril while one is trying to impress someone. Now flying bananas---you need to put that on Youtube!

Oilfield Trash said...

Go with the banana bread story. Yea that's it.

Symdaddy said...

1. What not to wear? You've gone down in my estimations now Pearl!

2. A fruit fly ain't nothing like a banana!

Louisiana Belle said...

My mother has lived in her apt. for over 30 years. She keeps her place immaculate. Five years ago roaches began appearing when there had been none before. After talking with the apt. maintenance people, the man that lives upstairs from her - a hurricane Katrina refugee whose brother pays his rent - is apparently a complete and total slob. Whenever it's time to change filters or spray for insects no one wants to go inside because of the smell and filth. After mom complained about the roaches they gave him two weeks to clean up his place. He claimed he didn't know how to clean and could not afford to pay anyone. They have sprayed enough chemicals to wipe out the Taliban, but the man still lives like a pig and my mother still sees the occasional roach. So yeah, I feel your pain.

a Broad said...

Good luck with the tenant.
What might work would be to just tell them that you are doing your yearly winterizing for fruit flies and other pests and they have to be open for the exterminator .. .would that work ?
Louisiana Belle, someone should call the Health Department .. of course, the management/maintenance people don't want to get involved ..
A long time ago, when we rented an apt .. I was startled by what I thought was a cockroach of epic porportions in my kitchen one night ( in NY).
They heard me screaming in Canada.
We called the owner, he did nothing.. I knew it was coming from the filthy people downstairs. So I called the Health Dept.
They sent someone around, he investigated Downstairs and found they were over run with 'water bugs" ... shuddering.
The landlord was ordered to fumigate the entire bldg.
We moved.

Casey Freeland said...

We don't have fruit flies... that I know of. But we do have what I call Asian Cockroaches. I don't know if that's what they are actually called, but they are black and fast and can be 2 and 1/2 inches long, Luckily they are outside bugs. But once in a while... (shudder)

imbeingheldhostage said...

eeeeewww. Do fruit flies go into your mouth when you're sleeping like spiders? If so, I might actually step right out of that non-comfort zone and talk to the people upstairs... after What Not To Wear is over of course.

Pat Tillett said...

Oh my gosh! You are missing the point! They call them fruit flies because they taste like fresh peaches! Don't kill them, eat!

great home...

Gary Baker said...

Your title reminds me of a sentence of mine I, thankfully, caught in time: "The morning sun bleached the colours from passers-by and parked cars." When the sun gets its driving licence I may reconsider.
As for my choice of men: I lean toward heavy drinkers ...

Kay Dennison said...

Fruit flies -- yuck! My favorite cure is a small glass of cider vinegar on the kitchen counter. It works!!!!!

bruce said...

gifted...

the fruit fly was a gift...to remind you of warm thoughts.

and when it is cold out there is nothing like having to do something uncomfortable to warm upyour cheeks...

Chelle said...

Today my daughter brought me a rock. Upon closer inspection, it was actually a beet. A dried up beet. Do beets dry up? Yes. It dried up in her toybox.

This year Santa is bringing turnips.

No fruit flies, though.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Love the title. Hate fruit flies. The end.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

If I saw fruit flies coming out of the vents, I'd be going bananas. Good luck with that one. xo

Ponita in Real Life said...

Get a chameleon... That long sticky tongue will make short work of those little buggers. :-)

alwaysinthebackrow said...

I was watching the same marathon. I wonder if they will ever surprise me. I could use a new wardrobe. How about you? Then the tenants would so respect you if you were appropriatley dressed. They would just say "yes, ma'am, we will get rid of those rotten bananas."
It's all about having the appropriate wardrobe.

Simply Suthern said...

I like me some bananas too but I can't fly.

You shouldnt wear the Chiquita Banana Outfit in the winter.

becca said...

I love "What Not to Wear." Fruit flies, not so much. but glad to hear you will win should you play strip poker anytime soon