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Thursday, November 4, 2010

But What If The World DID Come to a Halt?

You should see me when I’m sick.

If you’re into people who lose their train of thought and gaze off into space, say “what?” a lot, and can’t be trusted to run numbers sequentially, I’m the chick for you.

I keed! I keed!

I’m not really a chick.

True, I’ve been going to work, as is the American Way; and I’m still writing well-thought-out, engaging pizzas with hairy an error, but that’s only because I’ve willfully let go of my zip code and my shoe size in order to accompany such a brain-cell expenditure.

It started Tuesday, right around lunch time. Apparently my head has had a falling out with the rest of my body, the result of which is the impression, at least internally, of my head having become twice its original size.

As you can imagine, this has led to the appearance of me being quite slender.

I’m stoked.

But now that I’ve got a giant head I can’t really think with and a much smaller body by comparison, I find I’m not feeling well enough to truly enjoy either.

So as much as it pains me to admit it, I’m going home.

My parents, of course, would not understand. “Sick” happened to other people, probably lazy, slovenly people who didn’t know when to come in from the rain.

You may be too sick to go to school, missy, but you were never too sick to push a vacuum.

But now?

I declare myself too sick to type. Or think. Or to push a vacuum.

I’m going home.

Don’t tell my mom.


Bossy Betty said...

Oh Pearl! You just crawl into bed and sleep for hours! I hope you feel better soon!

Oilfield Trash said...

Get better.

Camille said...

Awwww; Poor Pearl. Hope you start to feel better soon and if not, do try and drive your immediate family members nuts with sickly demands like...More soup!...Tissues!...and where's that damn errand monkey!? Remember, Liza Bean Bitey also owes you big time after tossing her a party last month. Cash in.

Elizabeth said...

Go lay that giant head on a pillow. We won't tell a soul.

SeaD said...

Take care of yourself Pearl. You're the only Pearl we have.

Symdaddy said...

If the 'Daddy' could, he would slip you a paracetamol or two then tuck you gently into bed with a hot water bottle and your favourite teddy-bear ... before popping into the kitchen to steal your beer and ransack your fridge.

Get well soon.

Yes! I DID say "tuck".

Symdaddy said...


I dun tol' yer mommy on you!


Elly Lou said...

It's for the best. I mean, look at it from a basic physics angle. How could that tiny body support a head that size? Get horizontal - STAT!

WrathofDawn said...

Mo-om! Pearl's faking!

Feel better soon, Pearlster. Even sick, you're one of the funniest bloggers around.

Friko said...

Ahhh, poorly Pearlie Girlie,

get well soon!

much love and best wishes,


lesinfin said...

Hope you feel better soon, Pearl!
(Drink chicken soup--they use it to heal gunshot wounds in Cuba, and for colds and flus and all kinds of other stuff. I think there's magic in it. Or crack. Not sure—but it works!)

Sweet Cheeks said...

Pearly Girly~

I hate to tell you this...but Mothers are clairvoyant...she already knows you're home sick.

Feel better soon, Baby!

vanilla said...

Get well soon.

I have it, too. It isn't fun.

Sausage Fingers said...

Forget the chicken soup, heat up a Scottish toddy, the old Scots grannies swore by this.

1 cup whisky
2 tablespoons of honey
squeeze the life out of a lemon
1 cup whisky
heat in the microwave and prepeare to feel better.

Eva Gallant said...

Chicken soup, a warm bed, and a cuddly teddy. You can't gor wrong with those!

Eva Gallant said...

Darn, it was go wrong, not gor wrong! Duh!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Time for an afghan and a remote control, honey.

a Broad said...

Oh maaan, I thought you were kidding when you said I gave you my germs !!
I am sorry, please forgive me, these freaking South American germs are potent ... I think the men might be also but we won't go into that ... not now anyway- who thinks of this sort of thing when sick ... Not I !!

Having just been through this .. although my head seemed the same size, it was the inability to swallow or breathe that was uncomfortable, I did find that of all things they sell here, Ramen Noodle soups were good.
Steamy hot and gallons of liquid are what you need so try them .. all the MSG will probably make your heart burst as mine did but it helps the all round achy miseries.

Once a boyfriend gave me Brandy in a cup of sweet hot tea, I woke healed !! I am telling you, that stuff is better than penicillin .. so keep that in mind also.

A cool hand to your fevered brow. .. besos .. C

Fragrant Liar said...

I'm not a tattler, so go ahead and go home and rest. And if your mom finds out about it, it didn't come from me!

Susan Higgins said...

Your writing is so darn good, EVEN WHEN YOU ARE SICK!

Thanks for making me laugh and I promise not to tell your mom.

a Broad said...

Your Mom called, I said I had no idea where you were but I heard that someone named Obama had been wanting to talk to you ...

Boom Boom Larew said...

At our house, you had to be barfing before you were allowed to stay home. Consequently, to this day I tend to go to work unless I'm actually barfing... spreading joy (and germs) to all those around me. Sorry... I just can't help myself!

HermanTurnip said...

Here I am coming down with an illness, standing on the precipice of the deep drop, anxiously awaiting for the full force of the flu to hit me some time in the next few woeful hours. This, my friend, was the perfect time to read such a post, knowing that we suffers-in-arms are not alone...

Roses said...

Take yourself off to bed, with a hot toddy, a teddy, an afghan and a pile of trashy reading. Don't forget the drugs!

Don't be spreading them germs around girl.

I'll have a word with your mom.

alwaysinthebackrow said...

Maybe mom is sick, too. She probably got it from you. Take care, hon.

24 Corners said...

Oh Pearl...are you feeling better? Hope so. Your Chainsaw post was pretty good for a sicky!
I drink copious amounts of Echinacea tea and have bowls and bowls of homemade chicken soup (which I have to make) when I'm sick...which I just was and kind of still am, and it helps tremendously...adding Brandy to the tea ala Abroad might make it even more healing (worth a try).

Healthy wishes...
xo J~

Tempo said...

Hmm, thats not good..But dont worry, I'm ok because I sprayed the screen with Glen20 before I started reading you..

Jenn Jilks said...

Thank you for visiting Cottage COuntry !
I hope you can rest and get better.