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Monday, November 15, 2010

Another Pint, Please, for my Friend Here

Tara is home.

An interruption to her projected year-long stay in Brussels (the city, not the sprouts) has brought her back to Minneapolis, if only for a couple of days.

This called for a celebration, of course, a happy hour gathering at Cuzzy’s, a small-ish and dimly-lit bar with a most curious number of dollar bills taped, tacked, and otherwise affixed to its walls and ceilings.

I’ve no idea what that’s about, by the way.

One of the wonderful things about Tara – aside from intellectual horsepower, culinary bandwidth, and curiosity about everything – is her ability to attract a wide variety of people: happy, story-telling, eating and drinking people.

Like Florian. Florian is a story teller, a raconteur, and if you were to walk in, say, towards the end of one of his tales, you’d soon wish you’d been there at the beginning.

“... and that's when I discovered,” he is saying to the crowd as I sit down, “that more often than not you’ll find that wandering into the “clothing optional” part of the beach will cause your dinner plans to fly right out of your head.”

Aw, dammit. I should have known better than to leave the table.

Florian takes a measured sip of his martini. “Really,” he murmurs. “Why is it that so many of the very people you’d not want to see naked are the ones that are always taking their clothes off?”

Tara laughs. “I’ve heard that nudist etiquette requires one to always travel with a towel.”

“Douglas Adams recommends the same,” intones Katrina.

“A towel?” Terry asks.

Tara smiles in that all encompassing way she has. “For the furniture. Who wants someone’s naked rear end on their wicker patio furniture?”

“Wicker furniture!” Florian laughs. “Well there’d be no problem identifying the philistine that fails to abide by the towel rule in that case, would there?”

I smile even now, remembering the evening.

Until you come back, Tara.

32 comments:

Bossy Betty said...

Yes, I can see how there would be marks.....

Pearl said...

Waffle-y marks. :-)

Elizabeth said...

Not to mention the possibility of splinters...
I swear I used to know the story behind the dollar bills at Cuzzy's. But that was ages ago and the knowledge has been nudged out of my mind.

Irisheyes said...

Sweaty, waffle-y, cauliflower-y, smelly marks.:)

Pearl said...

Elizabeth, that's just teasing...

Irisheyes, hence the towel rule!

Flea said...

Who on earth would want to sit naked on wicker anyway?

And don't panic.

Sarah Has Moxie said...

Oh this was the perfect antidote to a slushy weekend! You are just so damn funny!! :)

Simply Suthern said...

I spose that would be called "Wicker Tail"

Wicker stickers would serve you right tho if you planted your nekkid behind on someones patio furniture.

Wheres my lysol?

Chantel said...

So right you are love, nudity does not mix well with wicker....or chilly weather, pet dogs that "fetch," and jewish people.

Florian rocks.

Sweet Cheeks said...

Perhaps each dollar bill represents an excellent tale heard at the bar?

=]

ps
Way to dominate the Weather Channel, Pearly. All I heard about all weekend was the foot of snow you guys got. Yah, yah....Minnesota blizzards and all that shoveling. Whatever.
;-)

Sausage Fingers said...

The $$ are for every time a women flashes her ta-tas at the bar, or so I have heard

Lisa said...

If I ever meet a guy named Florian, I'm not leaving the table until he takes a potty break.

Linda Medrano said...

I do not sit on wicker nude. So why do I have waffles?

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Nudist Wisdom. Luff it. and yes, in my experience, the first to get nekkid are the least desirable to SEE nekkid.

Eva Gallant said...

Okay, I guess that means I'd better put my clothes back on!

Boom Boom Larew said...

Waffle butt! Just what I need to add to the muffin top! On second thought, just give me a REALLY big towel... one that's big enough to cover all the scary stuff!

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

nooks and crannies all up in their fannies :)

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

You know you could create a whole short story based on the adventures of Muffin Top and Waffle Butt...

just sayin'

Gigi said...

Pearl! Priceless! Between your post and all the comments . . . . I soooooooooo needed this today.

Jeanie said...

Those clothing optional beaches can cause more than your dinner plans to fly....a dinner you just ate could be a bit disturbed by the sights.
Funny, I never thought to check the texture of the beach chairs at such a beach.

The Retired One said...

Nor should they sit on cane chairs! LOL

HermanTurnip said...

I've always thought it would be uncomfortable to be naked and sitting on the beach. There's just too much potential for sand to wind up in places where God never intended for it to go...

K A B L O O E Y said...

Muffin Top and Waffle Butt? I used to love that cartoon. And I've got to say: Florian sounds a little too charming to me, what with the measured sips and philistine rolling off his tongue and all. Like someone you'd "meet cute" and then 6 months later you'd be hurling CDs at his head.

Cheeseboy said...

Definitely depends on the person for me if I want them to have a towel or not. Should I be buying wicker furniture? I think I need some wicker.

Doctor FTSE said...

A towel to wipe up the coffee snorted all over the place as I read this!
Pearl . . thank you for visiting my Very Silly Blog. You asked for another story and yea verily I have even today posted one, even nastier than the first.

Doctor FTSE said...

Drat! Now I see I'm following you twice. Buy One FTSE, Get One Free. Or something!

River said...

All the above comments made me laugh. And just to reassure you, I've seen my nekkid body in my many mirrors and there's no way I would inflict that sight on anyone else.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Why IS it that people that shouldn't take their clothes off are always the ones to do it??? River made me laugh, can I just add "ditto" to her remark?

lesinfin said...

“I’ve heard that nudist etiquette requires one to always travel with a towel.”
This is very good life advice!
xoxo

Jinksy said...

I would have thought that wicker furniture would be enough make me think twice before planting my bare bottom on it! I reckon the modern, leather chairs would be a bit odd, too - like peeling off a second skin it'd be when you stood up...Thank goodness for the Towel Rule! LOL

Jinksy said...

P.S. I see you have a FREE Dr FTSE! I'm jealous! hehehe!

Pat Tillett said...

You've just filled my mind with images of wicker imprints! Oh, the horror...