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Thursday, October 14, 2010

A Seated-Massage Just After Lunch Would be Nice, Too

After nearly eight years of steady and righteous tax-paying employment at Acme Grommets and Sprockets, I have made a discovery. Something that changes how I see my job – nay, changes how I see my life.

You see, my office chair reclines.

I discovered this Wednesday morning, after having been out sick Monday and Tuesday. I came in, shedding several layers of clothing, all applied liberally for the Good-God-it’s-cold-and-dark walk to the bus – and all well within Human Resources’ silly restrictions, I’ll have you know – plopped down into my chair and –

Reclined.

I reclined by accident! It was an accident!

I can only assume that the look on my face, as I “discovered” office-chair reclining, mirrored the look I had the day I discovered “office fudge” (four packs of hot chocolate and not nearly enough hot water).

As my Grandma would say, Well, I’ll be…

I am torn between self-congratulations (What a fabulous work ethic you have, Citizen Worker!) and giving myself a dope-slap square to the center of the forehead for having had this same chair for almost eight years and never noticing that it reclines.

All this time...

So what else am I missing?

I mean, I’ve come to grips with the fact that all the people who appear to be muttering to themselves on the street are, in fact, talking on tiny, tiny telephones attached to their ears.

I got that.

And I got the fact that you can lock your car while walking away from it, that its headlights go out well after you’ve left the vicinity. I mean, I got that.

Duh.

Of course, I say all this after repeatedly preferring to believe that the people “talking on their phones” are actually talking to their imaginary friends; after locking my side of the car when leaving it (despite the driver’s assertions that they’ll do it, no worries); after telling people “your lights are on” only to be told, once again, that they’ll go off on their own.

So what else has been going on all around me whilst my head is in the clouds? Where are we with my desire to be able to snort “vitamin air”? How're we coming along with the spray-on face lift?

Where’s my Hover Car?!

I mean, yeah. I was astounded that my office chair reclined, but that was hours ago…

43 comments:

Stav88os said...

Nice!

Visit and follow my blogs!;)

Toomuchtime said...

Hehe, this made me smile.

Simply Suthern said...

Either:

It's your 8th Anniversary so HR had Maintenance unpin your recline mechanism.

Or someone was sitting at your desk in your chair plundering your desk while you were out and pulled the pin?

Hmmmmmmm??

Louisiana Belle said...

You're just too cute.

Molly Potter said...

There is SO much I don't know about how the material world in front of my very eyes works - things that others seem to have instinctual knowledge of....doorbells, dress sense, coffee dispensers, gates.... Thing is I am so in cloud cuckoo land dancing with fairies that I have only just noticed that others can do basic things I hadn't even a hint of acknowledging could be done.

Congratulations on your brief experience with a down to earth practical and real life experience. I'm jealous. Recline well.
x

Jhon Baker said...

Indiana Jones never had it so good.

That Baldy Fella said...

I'm still waiting for food in pill form and futuristic silver jumpsuits...

Kavi said...

8 years is an eternity. I mean..eternity !

Symdaddy said...

One day you might catch up Pearl. Keep trying!

Gigi said...

An office chair that reclines? That isn't in an executive office? Hmmmm, guess what I'll be checking out upon my return to the office this afternoon.......

Oilfield Trash said...

I love my office chair.

Canadianbloggergirl said...

Funny!

CBG
canadianbloggergirl.blogspot.com

Pearl said...

Stav, done and done.

Toomuchtime, I’m glad. :-)

Simply, what?! Someone sit in my chair and risk being mistaken for ME?! Ha! People avoid my desk for just such a reason!

Louisiana, awww. Thanks, ma’am!

Molly, I suspected you would understand. I will be reclining in your honor in 5, 4, 3…

Jhon, well it HAS been a bit of an adventure. (And btw, your book of poetry shipped yesterday. I am excited to get it!)

Baldy, and I will be waiting for you to post a picture of yourself in a silver jumpsuit, if and when that day comes…

Kavi! It was like discovering a third nostril or something. I’m still astounded…

Symdaddy, all I can do is try!

Gigi, seriously, give it a try. I’m thinking of staying the night tonight, sleeping right here in Cubicle 4-B.

Oilfield, I’ve yet to love an office chair, but I think this might be the one.

Canadianbloggergirl, thank you!

diane rene said...

be careful with that knew knowledge ... you'll get comfortable with it one day and go to recline only to have the whole chair tip you on your head

... and I speak from experience. I learned this soon after I figured out I didn't have to bang my knees and tear my stockings on the under desk keyboard thingy every day, I could turn the darn thing AROUND!

WrathofDawn said...

Being a bit older than you, I am now on the downswing of knowledge. Instead of learning new things daily, I now daily forget things I previously knew.

I think.

Where are we again?

Pearl said...

diane, good advice!

WrathofDawn, you were just about to repay me that $10 I borrowed you... Yeah. That's the ticket.

lesinfin said...

That is AWESOME! And I just sat back as far as I could and nothing. No recline. My chair sucks. (Yes, I'm at work.)
xoxo

Fred Miller said...

Tessa's kid and I share a work station in our home office. We have a NICE chair, and Sean just discovered how to make it not recline. I love to kick back and think. But it messes up his game when it dumps backward on him. Now my blog is going to suck since my chair won't recline. I'm too lazy to re-adjust it.

Jodie Kash said...

Did you know on a roll of aluminum foil you can push in the ends to create a "roller" device to keep the entire thing from spinning out when you tear a sheet?

Folks in the know call them, “locking tabs.”

Shazam-to-the-hells-WTF.

Kristy said...

We better not find out that there's an easy button, and every one's been using it but us!!!

Gregory said...

http://pirateneo1.blogspot.com/2010/06/signs-for-stupid-people.html
not inferring any judgments, thought you would get a kick out of that.... there are things my cell phone does that I don't know yet... it may even have a cigarette lighter on it.

ICKY said...

Next week, I'll tell you about the glasses with eyeballs painted on them.

alwaysinthebackrow said...

Hmmm-what can be done in a recining chair, anyway? No good can come from this!!!

Hilary said...

Don't look at me. I haven't even figured out texting yet. Of course, it would help if I had a cell phone first.

Another good laugh-evoker.

Cheeseboy said...

So very funny today Pearl. One of my favorite Pearl posts actually. I wonder how long you have had that chair before you realized it reclined. It took me four years to figure out the fact that I could dim my front room lights.

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

y'know when I make little discoveries like this?
It just makes life all brandy-new again...

did I just say brandy?
love some :)

Vic said...

Man, all my desk chair does is lose air pressure and make a farting noise all the way down. Then I'm sitting really, really low.

Some people have all the luck. :)

lgsquirrel said...

A reclining chair? Wow. that's got to be the coolest thing since sliced bread. I think they should work on a massaging, reclining, hovering, musical chair next. And make it solar powered please.

Cloudia said...

An early Halloween scare!
Thought you'd lost your gig...



Warm Aloha from Waikiki

Comfort Spiral
><}}(°>

Joanie M said...

It felt really good, did it? to recline in your chair.

Douglas said...

All of my office chairs reclined. Well, after I worked on them a bit. Some resisted but I persevered... I have a remote start for my car... love to use it when someone is leaning against it.

Murr Brewster said...

Don't ask me. I went through an entire life's worth of hormones without once discovering the secret of keeping a sanitary pad in the center of things.

jenn said...

Dang. I want a reclining desk chair!

KathyA said...

Office fudge???? Dang that sounds good!

Pauline said...

clever piece - office fudge is about to become my new favorite ;)

slommler said...

Ha! You made my day...I could just see the look on your face when your chair reclined?!!!! Too funny! And it sets me back a bit when I see people "mumbling" to themselves as they walk down the street as well.
So I decided to join them...and I now have an "ear bud" too! Ha! Now I can mumble to my hearts content and no one will be the wiser. Because I always talk to myself...just saying!
Congrats on your POTW award. Well deserved
Hugs
SueAnn

kcinnova said...

Office fudge AND a reclining chair? That's nearly heaven!

Congrats on your POTW. Hilary never steers me wrong.

Dianne said...

you made me laugh
and now I'm wondering if my chair reclines

congrats on POTW

ladyfi said...

Thanks for the giggle! People seemingly talking to themselves still makes me look twice though!

Land of shimp said...

That was very enjoyable! Congratulations on the post of the week mention at Hilary's. I came here to laugh, as advertised, and indeed I did.

As for what else you've yet to discover, nothing much. Teleportation, that's big this year. All the kids are doing. Incidental Late-Fee Avoiding Time-Travel is just so last-year, it's barely worth discussing.

The Fountain of Youth is actually located in Flatbush, which came as something of a shock, all ills have been cured and the secrets to happiness are in the final stages of clinical development.

But other than that, you've missed very little.

Bimbimbie said...

Hehe - I'm sitting on a wooden chair and can't get my head around phones that take photos*!*

missbehaving said...

You might already know this, inwhich case forgive me and ignore me, but my son recently showed me that inside battery operated devices is a little diagram that shows you which way in to put the batteries. how cool is that. You live and learn hey!

CherylK said...

Congrats on POTW! I love discovering new blogs thanks to Hilary and this one looks like a winner, for sure.

Technology-wise, I'm know just enough to be dangerous. I'm one of those fools who tries to figure out stuff on her own, often much to my own chagrin. So I get where you're coming from.