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Monday, October 18, 2010

I Was Complaining, But Then I Started Thinking About Gravy

There was nothing to do Sunday but turn the heat on.

I gave it a good run – it is mid-October, after all – but did not break last year’s record. It’s not like there was money riding on it, but still. One likes to stretch one’s limits.

It’s a perversity specific to those of us with four seasons, I think, this denial of the temperature changes; but there comes a time when the house cools at night and never truly regains the heat necessary to live comfortably, a time when you must go outside to warm up.

A time when you must take a good, hard look at the number of layers of clothing you’re willing to wear in the house, perhaps have a good cry – and then turn your furnace on.

A comedy sketch has taken up residence in my mind recently, one I’ve tentatively titled “Minnesota Strip Tease”. In it, a woman seductively removes her scarf, sweater, long-sleeved shirt, camisole, trousers, leggings, slippers, et cetera, the scene finally ending with the hopping, one-legged removal of her socks and her goose-pimpled, barefooted dash across the ice-cold hardwood floor to the bed.

Winter is dead sexy.

But there’s no escaping it, is there? Because fall has come; and each day is progressively colder, each day is just a little bit darker than the one before it.

We’ve nothing to live for but holiday parties, piles of blankets, big wooly socks, cashmere berets and liberally applied gravies of various types…

Mmm. Gravies.

I'm sorry. Where was I, again? Something about parties and gravy and gravy parties, wasn't it?

33 comments:

savannah said...

no heat yet, but i did find the MITM's hunting socks yesterday and i've been wearing them since! (i DID take them off once i got under the covers, if only to stop him from laughing.) xoxoxox

p.s. gravy yummy!!!

Simply Suthern said...

White or brown gravy?? Heck it don't matter it's all good.

We actually turned the heat on here this weekend. I dont do layers till January.

Minnesota Strip Tease?? Is that the Brett Farve Autobiography?

You've Got to Be Kidding Me said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
You've Got to Be Kidding Me said...

I turn the heat on whenever it drops below 70. I do play the "how long can I go without air conditioning in the summer" game. I can usually hold out until 90 degrees. Although in my defense I will point out that I have hypothyroidism and Reynaud's Syndrome which makes me extremely intolerant of cold. I really shouldn't live in Michigan. Ha.

Pearl said...

Savannah, honey, someone needs to create a giant sock that we can slip into in October and out of in April...

Simply, very funny! :-) And yes, all gravies are good gravies.

You've got to be Kidding Me: I play that game, too, but heaven knows that the heat I can tolerate is offset by how much humidity there is... And no. Doesn't sound like you should live in Michigan!

IndigoWrath said...

I never got past the GRAVY in the title. Mmmmm.

Oilfield Trash said...

Being from Pittsburgh I love the fall and winter time. My favorite time of year.

Ms Sparrow said...

I laughed out loud when I read your title. I had some bad gravy once. A friend had a rack thing to roast a chicken upright. You inserted a can of pop or beer in the middle and positioned the chicken's cavity over it. This would imbue (how rarely one has occasion to use imbue) the bird with orange or lemon flavor. Unfortunately, the orange pop dumped into the drippings and the resulting gravy was icky sweet. However, I won't let one bad gravy experience jade me!

Sausage Fingers said...

Believe it or not, gold old wifey had the heat on yesterday morning, it was a testicle shrinking 62 degrees here in the state of the sun. She keeps bugging me about that trip to Scotland and I keep threatening to take gold old miss Florida there in December. Brrrrrrr...

Jay said...

I haven't turned the heat on in the apt. yet, but I have had to turn it on in my car a couple of times. But, I can tell that the carefree, easy going days of hanging out pants-free are just about over for a few months.

ICKY said...

I feel ya, its all the way down in the 80's here !
In honor of your suffering, I am offering free snow removal to my neighbors. Its the least I can do.

Enjoy the north woods.

Wierdo said...

I have been hassling the boyfriend to make me chille con quorn wraps for at least a week and finally in about two minutes I should be getting some, but alas, now all I can think about is gravy....

Stav88os said...

cool story Bro!;)

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Sending warm, sunny thoughts from California! (Please don't hate me. You have much better gravy over there, I'm sure.)
xoRobyn

Charlotte Ann said...

A/C running and I'm sooooooooooooooooooo pissed.

Captain Dumbass said...

Gravy.... mmmm. I had to cut my lawn yesterday. Fall can start for real any time now, I'm done with grass for the year.

mrwriteon said...

And I do thoroughly empathize, I do. Damn four seasons. Damn furnace that I keep putting off getting serviced for the winter months. I commend you for refusing to give in for so long. I wimped out weeks ago.

Jhon Baker said...

I love winter - it gives me a reason to keep warm with the wife under covers.

Vic said...

I am so enjoying the use of the word "perversity" in your post that I can't even process anything else.

Forget gravy. I am living for candy corn.

Gigi said...

That's the one good thing about turning the heat one - it means that we can turn our minds to turkey, gravy, stuffing, pies.......

a Broad said...

Lawsy, I vaguely remember Real Gravy. Grandma made, when I was a wee girl living in North Carolina. Now that was gravy , not that runny peppery watery stuff my mother tried to pass off on us.

Cold ... I live in a place that brings to mind, warm sultry nights under amazing starry skies, big shiny moon up there... and a gazillion mosquitoes and humidity that will make you need a shower before you reach the end of the block and where every humid crap day I ever remember living through in NC, comes back to me.
So I sort of look forward to winter. Which is during Your summer. But you know what ? I enjoy the fall briskness and the smoke scent in the evening air, but I hate getting out from under the covers, I hate having to get up in the night and go to the bathroom, the bathroom marble floors turn me to ice instantly, I fall asleep shivering.
No matter where you go , it is the same .. if you have summer and winter ... but then, I wouldn't enjoy summer so much if it didn't come after winter.. or winter after I can't stand one more hot humid day ..
( we have no furnace , we have individual room heat) .. and no fireplace.
I am deprived .
Pass the gravy.

Pearl... sleeping with Pup has helped me get well, but there is nothing like a little cat ..

Kal said...

Ah winter with the sweaters and the puppies they contain. I totally get what you say about the temperature variations. There is always those days between fall and winter when you don't dress properly for the weather and don't have your winter gloves or shoes with you because you are in denial that it will ever get cold enough again to need them. Only after you have given yourself a good soaker or froze your fingers do you actually give in an accept the truth. Then you are fine until you wear the heavy coat on a warm spring day and feel like a goober amoung those whose hope matches their warm weather wardrobe. If you don't understand what I am talking about it's okay. It's a four season thing. I will take the cold over the hot and humid every time.

Kavi said...

Ah the seasons ! The seasons of the world. The seasons changeth.

And boy, is it gravy time..!!

hmm !

Stacy Q said...

I thought out here in the West we knew cold... But we only know a DRY cold. I know people from back here who moved out where you are and they assure me We Don't Know Nuttin' Bout Cold.
I tremble in your presence. (shiver)

Joanie M said...

ugh. winter. cold. oil bills.

Tempo said...

I found out where your heat is going Pearl....
It's here in Australia. The days get longer as we nick a few minutes from you each day. The temperature climbs as we drag the sun kicking and screaming closer by the day... The shorts have come out, the T-shirts too.
I'm thinking of you over there...but I'm not giving the warmth back just the same!

Symdaddy said...

Oh, Puh-leeeeeeeeeze!

I lil' bit o' cold never hurt anyone!

I only read this cos I wanted to know how to make a rich, thick gravy.

Lorraine said...

you cant beat a nice gravy on yorkshire puddings and roast beef..good autumnal food to warm you. I love autumn with all its colours and love cooking casseroles unfortunately my husband is fed up of eating them so back to lasagne etc!! Thanks for visiting my blog and I have enjoyed reading your blog..I like the funny way you write

River said...

Mmmmm, gravy. Over roast beef and mashed potatoes, with hot apple pie to follow.
I had pan-fried steak for dinner last night, made the gravy with the pan juices, oh yum!

dosfishes said...

Hi Pearl, Thanks for your comments. Gravy, yum, in all forms and the Minnesota Strip Tease, that's for me. But don't you have to keep the sox on in bed, when the wood stove goes out and there is not heat in the bedroom anyway? Funny stuff. Thanks for visiting my blog, I will be reading. xox Corrine

Steve Gravano said...

Gravies sound good, and hot cider and hot chocolate and just forget about the Minnesota strip tease, I'd fall asleep before she got to the socks.

Marla said...

Being a native Californian, I would have never understood this if I hadnt moved to Oklahoma 16 years ago.

Oh, I get it now!

R. Jacob said...

I think the dive for the covers might need a line up of olympic judges for your final score.