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Thursday, September 16, 2010

You Think There Are Fights About Cleaning the Litter Box NOW...

I go places. I do things. I listen as often as possible and I interrupt far less than I used to. It’s a pleasure, being out and amongst the peoples, not to mention that it is the field from whence I glean any number of perplexing ideas not my own.

And just the other day a conversation with my friend Sarah revealed something I had not previously considered.

She told me, over ice water (her) and a pale ale (me) that one of the men at her Condo Board Association Meeting last week wanted everyone to know that he had 40 fifty-pound bags of kitty litter in storage.

You know. For 2012, when “it all goes down” and the water is no longer running.

For “waste management”, as he put it.

Let us now pause and consider the Condo Board Association on their way to the litter box, newspaper tucked under their arms.

“’Mornin’, George.”

“’Mornin’, Ralph.”

You know, it’s a question I hadn’t previously considered, but now that I have, I have my concerns.

Just where will us city folk poop when The End comes and the facilities of the porcelain variety become elaborate and impractical kitty-litter holders?

It does give one pause.

Not that I consider The End much. There was, of course, the Millennium, the misnamed year that was to see the computers unable to digest the numbers “00” and send us back to a simpler, more kitty-litter-free time. People I thought I knew bought guns, ammunition, and sought real estate with defendable hilltops, while I personally bemoaned the upcoming loss of summer-time ice.

It’s not that I don’t believe that the End is Near. For some, it is; and for me? Well, it certainly could be. Of this I remain unaware, which is as I like it.

Until then, I shall continue to go places and do things.

Because there’s a lot of funny ideas out there.


Simply Suthern said...

Will you be required to scratch and cover your business just like the cats? Will it be in an open or closed litter Room? Is it dust free or multicat? Where did they get a newspaper and is it for reading or for finishing the paper work. It does open lots of questions. My cats go thru 10 lbs or more a month. That ton-o-litter aint going to last humans very long. Of course if all the apocalyptical movies are right, hygiene won't be high on the list.

MJenks said...

Man...I hope someone remembers to reinvent shovels after the apocalypse. I really don't look forward to burying my own make with my hands.

Douglas said...

The condo neighbor should be stocking up on lye instead of kitty litter. While kitty litter is excellent for sopping up the largish oil spill in the driveway after someone made a mess changing the oil in his car, it will have little effect on breaking down "organic solids". And that is, after all, the need when the toilets no longer work.

The lye would come in handy for decomposing the random body in a shallow grave too.

Kate said...

Great. Something I totally forgot to think about in my disaster planning obsession. (I'm not prepared. I just like to read about it.) I'm totally googling this today. Whee! Something to do at work!

powdergirl said...

Um, real estate with defendable hill tops NEVER goes out of style, they NEVER lose their value, and um, well, you can have a PICNIC up there.

Sorry, I just felt someone had to defend defendable hill tops.

My only disaster plan is to own a flame-thrower. Well, who wouldn't want to own a flame thrower and a hill top?

Sweet Cheeks said...

Zombies are attracted to kitty litter.
Storage man is doomed.

Theresa Milstein said...

If the end comes, I will NOT use a litter box.

chlost said...

Wait, I thought that when the end is here, all of the "good" people (obviously the condo guy would consider himself one of those!) will be magically transported out of this world into their just reward....they won't be needin' no kitty litter there.

Cheeseboy said...

This dude clearly was a boy scout at one time, or at very least a boy scout's house cat.

lunamother said...

kitty litter? ewww. seriously- I'm surrounded by "preppers" and even have some of those tendencies.

compost toilet- 5 gallon bucket, toilet seat and sawdust/shavings.
step one- go.
step two- cover with one handful of shavings

this can either be turned into real compost along with other stuff, or buried discreetly when full. truly- there's no odor.

I've used one of these out at our undeveloped property for 5 years and we know a couple who are 'off grid' and that's ALL they use- their bathroom is cleaner and less stinky than mine in the 'real' house with the flush toitie.

ok, now ya'll know how weird I REALLY am and that I'm a terrible housekeeper LOL

Kal said...

I didn't find this weird at all. I am someone who thinks that clumping cat litter is in the top five of greatest human inventions of all time. It's sick to admit but I don't mind doing the scooping at all. It's like looking for treasure and gets me out of having to do the dishes. The Admiral just waits patiently for me to finish and smooth out the top layer of fresh before he gives me a 'good job boy' deposit. I used to look at that as a sign of disrespect but in truth he's just showing me that he's got class and doesn't just crap in any old pile of sand.

Gaston Studio said...

Well, if/when the end comes, I wonder if there will be enough to eat to support the saving of so much kitty litter. I think I'd be stocking up on water and staples myself.

Lisa said...

Well now I AM grateful for the woods out back.

Flea said...

I'm thinking 40 pounds isn't going to last very long, unless maybe it's the crystal variety, and then maybe only a month or two. He's going to need a shovel for scooping. So he's only expecting the end to last a few weeks then?