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Saturday, September 11, 2010

Wherein We Scrutinize New Bus Guy

There is a young man hopping on the bus on the corner just before Broadway who cannot be bothered to wake up, apparently, more than five minutes before the bus arrives.

The bus stop is directly in front of his house, and I watch him come flying down his front steps, a rumpled and un-made bed of a person. His droopy-drawered basketball shorts are pulled down to expose three-quarters of his faded yet inexplicably extroverted underwear, his tee-shirt fresh from a four-day stint in the bottom of a clothes dryer, his hair saluting the many directions of the wind.

Luckily he sat his scruffy self down the other day with Pre-Coffee Pearl, a person blithely on her way to work and generous of spirit. Pre-Coffee Pearl struggled to remind herself of how late she used to stay up and how cruel the mornings could be. Pre-Coffee Pearl smiles indulgently and thinks, “Some day, he’ll see this particular version of himself get on the bus and he’ll be aghast…”

Post-Coffee Pearl would have seen it differently.

Post-Coffee Pearl, however – although prone to referring to herself in the third person, as seen here – would not have an opinion for another 45 minutes.

In the meantime, Pre-Coffee Pearl fights to keep her emotions from her face, although, to the non-Midwestern eye, she’s already failed. You see that? She’s pursed her lips in disapproval. And you see that? That was the ever-so-slight shake of the head she reserves for flagrant flauntings of free-form fashion.

And funky facial fauna.

Because Pre-Coffee Pearl may not fully appreciate New Bus Guy’s clearing the sleep from his eyes and using a disposable toothbrush on the bus, but she does love her alliteration.

14 comments:

a Broad said...

Pre or Post Coffee Candice would have been making all sorts of faces and tiny not quite audible noises .. tsking and fehing and sighing ...
I heart Pre/Post-Coffee Pearl.

The Jules said...

Awesomely artisitic alliteration!

Sam Liu said...

This is rather wonderful, Pearl. I think we all have a pre and post coffee state, though most people's pre-coffee identity is not such a marvellous wordsmith as Pre-Coffee Pearl!

savannah said...

see? this is why i don't use public transportation, sugar! i'm too old and have no self control and have to be forcibly restrained from saying things like, bless your heart, honey, but did you forget to get dressed this morning? or my daughter's personal favorite - an exasperated sigh and then a long drawn out, really? at least in my car, only the MITM hears me and then he laughs, of course! xoxoxox

Sweet Cheeks said...

I like both Pearls...
=]

Casey Freeland said...

Wa sit because he was late, or because he was rumpled? Or maybe because the two were together. If I was late but immaculately dressed, would that be OK? What if I was on time, early even, but my shirt was wrinkled and my hair was all slept on?

Just wondering.

Cheers,

Casey

Symdaddy said...

You never fail to please Pearl.

But ...

I had to look this one up ...

al·lit·er·a·tion   [uh-lit-uh-rey-shuhn]–noun
1. the commencement of two or more stressed syllables of a word group either with the same consonant sound or sound group (consonantal alliteration), as in from stem to stern, or with a vowel sound that may differ from syllable to syllable (vocalic alliteration), as in each to all.

2. the commencement of two or more words of a word group with the same letter, as in apt alliteration's artful aid.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

A few weeks ago my hubby and I were people-watching in downtown Minneapolis at the end of a workday. Several young-ish people were dancing down the street to music only they could hear. Individually...although eventually some of them met up in Peavey Plaza. We both said, "Wonder what Pearl would say about them."

Dumbwit Tellher said...

flagrant flauntings of free-form fashion; I love it. I'm afraid pre-Chi Deb would of pursed her lips too.

Sadly our personalities do transform post caffeine! I guess it's a good thing?

Happy weekend to you Pearl!

Douglas said...

I have lived in places where one people watches only surreptitiously. In my own pre-coffee state, that would be easy... assuming I could even open my eyes. It is fortunate that I never took the bus to work then, just a motorcycle, and I could easily sleep through the commute.

See Mom Smile said...

I don't drink coffee so I always have that pre-coffee look. My family loves that look.

Gigi said...

Pre-Coffee Gigi would have never even noticed. Plus with Pre-Coffee Gigi it's best that you aren't noticed. Because Pre-Coffee Gigi is pure evil. This is why at least two cups are required before I am allowed to leave the house.

Carla said...

HI Pearl, lovely to have found your blog. Pre-coffee Pearl sounds like pre-coffee Carla. made me laugh. thanks CArla

The mad woman behind the blog said...

I love you and your tales from the bus. That's all.