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Friday, September 17, 2010

Wherein Pearl Throws a High-Pitched Whine Out Into the Universe

I rarely get sick, but when I do, I do it right.

Take, for instance, last year’s foray into the H1N1. Have you had it? On the one hand, it certainly gets you out of anything you didn’t feel like doing for, oh, the next two-three weeks. And on the other hand it is a venture into an exquisite pain that leaves you unable to blink without wishing for unconsciousness. It was almost fascinating in its ability to generate pain.

I heartily do not recommend H1N1. And you can tell whoever asks that I said so.

I told you that to tell you this: I went home from work yesterday an hour early, an event akin, in my family, to wearing flannel pajama bottoms to the grocery store or failing to make enough turkey gravy for Thanksgiving.

It just isn’t done.

But if you find yourself sick enough that you sit on the bus with a plastic bag close at hand for fear of spontaneous vomiting, then we’ll let this work-ethic transgression go.

And when you find yourself using said plastic bag twice in the two block walk from the bus stop, then you’ll know you made the right decision in leaving early.

I feel like the ice-cold, blank-staring, empty-stomached, lurching undead.

And I look as good as I feel.

How’s by you?

30 comments:

Will Burke said...

Well, you didn't hurl your creative juices. Very thoughtful to use the bag; you're a good neighbor!

MJenks said...

I think I had the H1N1 at the tail end of last summer. It wasn't pleasant. Especially since I made myself come to work for that week or so, just because I'm hardheaded like that.

savannah said...

i hope you feel better soon, sugar! *making note to go get my flu shot asap* xoxoxoxox

Sweet Cheeks said...

Oh no!

...what if you are the undead? How will we be able to tell the difference between the 'sick' Pearl and the 'zombie' Pearl?

When I come over to make you chicken soup...you better not eat my brain. Just sayin'...

Feel Better Soon, Pearly
xxx

De Campo said...

Silly Sweet Cheeks. We all know that it's Zombie Pearl who has the phenomenal singing voice.

I hope you return from the land of the undead soon.

Symdaddy said...

I am very rarely ill, but I always sympathise with those who succumb to the 'little nasties' that invade our bodies from time to time.

If I could send you my home-made chicken soup to aid your recovery, I would (recipe is a secret).

Get well soon Pearlchen.

Kate said...

Get better soon! Riding the bus while ill is my worst nightmare.

Simply Suthern said...

Hurl'in Pearl

Hope you feel better soon.

Gigi said...

You can't catch germs through the ethernet, can you?? Cuz, I love you and all, but I don't want to get sick. I hope you typed this out with one of those little face masks & gloves on.

Feel better soon.

thedailyg said...

I like being sick like a zombie! Like, the flu? I feel super-relaxed and start cracking jokes real off-the-cuff. It's better if someone can fuss over you a bit too. About the only time I ever feel, 'ah it's great to just lie in bed, mm.'

Sickness is unpleasant if there's something niggling at one's attention, like pain/coughing/sneezing/vomiting. Puke on/near your boss and get time off.

Pearl said...

Thanks for all your thoughtful and clever comments. I still can't keep anything down, but I have caught up with my dishes and am hitting the internet, catching up on my favorite blogs.

Pearl

Douglas said...

Get well soon. But I have a question... just where did you throw that (now full, one presumes) plastic bag?

BALLET NEWS said...

Aw, that's just too bad that you are not feeling great. Have some rest and enjoy catching up virtually. Take care ! And I hope you have a lovely weekend all the same !

SeaD said...

Oh Pearly girly (is it alright that I give you a nicname when we are merely internet "friends"?) wishing you a speedy recovery. I am going on 4 weeks of bronchitis fun.

Sam Liu said...

Oh dear, my heart goes out to you, Pearl. Like you, I very rarely get ill and I cannot stand it when I do. It's terribly inconvenient. Hoping you feel better soon :)

Crazy Mo said...

Well, this puts a new spin on you crapping your hands, doesn't it? Get better soon, Pearl. If nothing else, laughter is good medicine ... glad I could help you out.

Erin said...

Eff H1N1. I had it last year and finally understood how some people die from the flu. Have literally never felt so awful, and thank you for the reminder - I'm going to run out for my flu shot, pronto. I hope you feel better soon!

GYPSYWOMAN said...

oh, you poor dear!!! i am SO sorry - and your [as always] deliciously detailed accounting of your gushing trauma left me wasted right here at my desk! ;)

and such a timely little thing - this tummy issue of yours - well, for me, anyway, because i was just going to run get my this year's raging flu shot plus the H1 thingamajiggy! -

in the meantime, should you require an extra bowl of gravy for turkey day, i'll be happy to send over a little bowl from my own kitchen!!!

feel all better soon!!! :)

Bossy Betty said...

Hope it was a Zip-Lock bag!

Hope you feel better soon!!!

mapstew said...

Think how slim you'll be by Monday!
(Glad you enjoyed the music!) :¬)

xxx

Stacy Q said...

Ah, I give up. I was trying to come up with something clever to say about not tossing you cookies, but it all sounds better in my head.

Get well soon!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

So, no iPod readings today, huh? Feel better soon, Pearl!

Anonymous said...

Oh Pearl; Barfing into a plastic bag while struggling to get thyself home into jammies and safe harbor is right up there with Herpes Simplex 1 and shingles. Oh yea; been there and done that. May tomorrow be a kinder and less nausea riddled day for you. Tell Liza Bean to whip up some chicken soup...she owes you.

Yankee Gal

The Retired One said...

I am so sorry Pearl! And, I can't believe you BLOGGED today...good Lord, woman..take a few days off and hug that pillow and get better soon!!

UBERMOUTH said...

I told you not to kiss that pig! :)

ladyfi said...

Oh you poor thing! Go home and rest... at least you'll have a toilet nearby and can ditch the plastic bag. Get well soon!

the walking man said...

All things considering Pearl, as I had my yearly complete physical yesterday and with the exception of unchangeable medical realities, I am healthy as a mule on a trail carrying five hundred pounds, whistling and chewing cud at the same time...I would say I am in better shape than you right now.

Get Better.

Lisa said...

I hope you're feeling better. It's bad enough to be sick, but to have to worry about yacking on the bus had to be some kind of torture. I mean, it would have been for me. I used to have a nervous stomach and I can remember mornings on the subway into Chicago feeling that gurgle and just praying to make it the city before the bottom fell out, so to speak.

a Broad said...

I have to admit that I lived/live in fear of a vomiting flu.
I am no good at that kind of sick ... you can imagine how great I was with 2 small children .. who always shared germs with me too.
So from way over here, I will press a cold cloth to your fevered brow and give you chips of ice to suck on and hope you sleep it off.
Thank God these things don't last as long as H1N1 etc and the hidden good side is that you Lose Weight .. so if you were pigging out shortly before this happened ... it is gone now.
one gentle beso from afar ~ C

Flea said...

Oooo. A plastic bag? Isn't that what the neighbors' bushes are for, Pearl?