I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Wherein The Evening Temperature Drops and The Bus Stop Gets Aerobic

The night-time temperature here in Southern Canada, aka Minnesota, continues to drop; and I’ve noticed that I’ve started doing what I will no doubt do until spring.

I’ve developed a twitch.

I didn’t notice it at first, this need to move. But there it was. And once I’d noticed, what could I do but adjust it to the music?

Pips, my butt.

That's when I decided, there in the dark, that I would make an outstanding back-up dancer.

It is 6:20 a.m. on a Tuesday and already I have the moves of a young William Hung. If I keep this up, who knows where I’ll be at noon?


The truth is that the dancing, spinning, marching in place that those of us in the cooler climes do is not for the faint of heart. It requires sturdy footwear, a cool head, and an even cooler temperature. I’ve seen whole bus stops appear to march in unison. They’ll deny it – who wouldn’t deny it? – but it’s true.

The best part is that with the mornings now in the mid-40s (Fahrenheit, of course), we have a further drop of a mere 60 degrees to look forward to this winter. Eyelashes will stick together, ice balls will form in the nostrils, and somewhere, someone’s toes will freeze, turn black, and be surgically removed.

Or worse.

And now that I look at that more closely, I have to ask myself: why am I living here?

The truth is that everything I know is here: the people, the food, the streets, the language. I know what it means when someone says “That’s interesting” (it’s probably not), I know what it means when someone I don’t know smiles at me (“hello, I mean you no harm”), and I know when the bars close (2:00 a.m.).

Still. It seems I’ve taken up light marching in the mornings.

And it seems I’ll be doing it until spring.


Simply Suthern said...

When we get cold here you would prolly call it a chill. I dont know how you folks do it but you do. Ya'll is tuff. What can ya say but...
"She Bangs"

Pearl said...


Simply, it's not so much that we're tough as much as it's just the fact that we have all our stuff here. :-)

Simply Suthern said...

I did see a Minnesota family here that had all their stuff stapped to the top of a Buick Roadmaster station wagon. They were all jammed up but they was warm.

Big Fat Gini said...

I'm so jealous. Today's forecast? 87 degrees with some ridiculous amount of humidity. But, that's fall in Texas for you. Wanna trade?

Willoughby said...

I know what you mean. I'm a lifelong Michigander. Today we are enjoying 52 degrees and a steady rain. My husband and I often wonder why we live here when there are so many warmer places.

lgsquirrel said...

I think you are on to something there. Imagine for a moment, a franchise that equips bus stops with gym equipment that allows you to do aerobic exercises. Why you could get people to pay for the privileged of keeping warm and losing weight while waiting for the bus. And then we could redirect all that sweaty heat to run the lights too. Wanna be partners in this sure-fire business venture?

Pearl said...

Gini, can we go halfsies on the humidity?

Willoughby, I think we think the seasons keep us honest somehow. :-)

squirrel, actually I think that's a great idea! We have what's called a "pedal pub" around here -- same principle!

Louisiana Belle said...

I would trade my inferno for your nose-cicles any day!

Sweet Cheeks said...

I hate to admit it, but I'm longing for snow.

I know...I'm going to hate it once it gets here!

Travis Erwin said...

I ready for it to cool off, but I still run the Ac on my car heading to work every morning.

Madame DeFarge said...

So, let me get this right. You're complaining about the cold now? You've lived there how long?

Gigi said...

Move South Pearl!! We speak the same language (sort of) and all the rest you'll pick up fairly quick. I can just imagine the blog material you'd get out of the transition!

Lisa said...

Thank you for reminding me why we moved to Georgia. One too many mornings of Chicago winters while waiting for the train. I like being able to feel my extremities. Odd, I know.

Join us here in Georgia. It only took my native Chicagoan husband 6 months to learn the language. And you're way quicker than MathMan.

Cheeseboy said...

I am thinking you are in Minnesota because of the blogging fodder. It's always about the fodder, right?

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

They use that "interesting" line in Southern Canada, too? I'll be looking for you on "Southern Canadian Idol."

Cloudia said...

You make me happy to be a transplant in Hawaii, LOL

Warm Aloha from Honolulu

Comfort Spiral

Unknown Mami said...

As long as you march to your own beat.

Thank you so much for being so kind and supportive.

lunamother said...

I spent my first 33 years in Wisconsin and finally made a break for it. I moved to Texas 17 years ago and NEVER looked back.

Cold so piercing your eyeballs ache? No thanks.
Snotcicles? Never again.

Lemme clue you into a little secret- East Texas.
Trees, hills, over 80% of all the surface water in the state in the form of lakes, rivers, creeks and ponds, true fall color and more wildflowers in the spring than you've ever seen.

66 right now at midnight. Average winter temps are 50's or 60's during the day, 40's at night.

Tempo said...

On the flipside, we're wearing our shorts now and then, taking the kids to the beach to play on the sand (not quite warm enough to go in the water yet)and enjoying those warm rays on our backs as we cook a BBQ for family gatherings. This weekend most of the fam is going camping in the ranges before summer gets here...
Feeling sorry for you Pearl..

Nick said...

I spent a couple of years in Chicago. After three winters, all I could say was "I'm outta here." Don't know how you can survive the Minn winters!

Shrinky said...

I'd probably do well enough in your climate, I'm a toughie (grin)! I come from generations of hairy, Scot's Highlander's, used to walking through 6ft snowdrifts to reach the sanctuary of their draughty, non-centrally heated hovels.

On the other hand, I might have grown a wee bit soft since migrating south..

24 Corners said...

My husbands family is from Minnesota...Moose Lake, and when his Gma would visit us (Seattle) in the winter, I was always astounded that she could think our 40 degrees was warm...I was freezing to death and she's running around in shorts & a tank. You Minni's are one tough bunch!

I on the other hand grew up in Los Angeles...took me 20 years to think 60 degrees was warm-ish...now I pride myself when I go out of the house with no jacket when it's 60...such progress!