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Friday, September 10, 2010

So Apparently There are FISH in the Ocean Now…

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it, no doubt, until I’m forcibly restrained, but looks like we’ve made it through another work week.

As on previous Fridays, I’ll be divining the overall tone of my upcoming weekend by the songs on my iPod during the morning’s commute.

Exciting, no?

Here goes:

One Man Guy by Rufus Wainwright
Catch All This by Del the Funky Homosapien
Move Over by Janis Joplin
Conventional Wisdom by Built to Spill
This is Radio Clash by The Clash
Believe Me, Baby by James Hunter

What’s it all mean? Near as I can tell, Fall is coming. Everything’s looking rather thoughtful, don’t you think?

And thank heavens I wrote today's post last night, before I realized I was to spend more time thinking…

You may not know it to look at me, but I’ve spent very little time in the ocean.

What would give this away, you say? Oh, I don’t know. My skin's hue, the color of mashed potatoes (without the peelings) would probably be the stand-out indication. I may be wrong about this – I am, after all, from a landlocked state – but I equate the ocean with sun, with wind, with laughing and splashing and the formation of new freckles.

What I had not associated it, surprisingly enough, was fish.

Yes, yes, yes, everyone have a good laugh now. Get it out of your systems.

I’ll wait.

Now, I’ve known, since the year that Jaws came out and my brother and I paid for and saw this movie 7 times over the course of a weekend, that there are large, carnivorous things in the ocean.

I just never thought I’d see one.

And I still haven’t. But you wouldn’t have known that by my reaction Monday.

Monday I went swimming off Bradenton Beach, an island ostensibly governed by the State of Florida. Those living on this island may argue with you about that – they have a lot of strange ideas down there – but take my word for it: Florida – and all its bits – are part of the U.S. of A.

So there I am, standing in water up to my armpits, staring out toward open water, thinking about the time my brother Kevin chased me down the beach at Lake Superior holding the remains of what may have been, at one time, a very, very large muskellunge, when some thing slams into my lower legs.

I am not a dignified person. I found this out on Monday.

“Ack! Ack! Fish! Fish! Big fish in the water! Ack! Ack!”

Oh, it’s all very funny, isn’t it? Laughing at the tourist? Watching her graceless and hasty departure from the ocean?

I like to pretend now that it was all to get a laugh out of T.

And laugh he did, on and off, until my plane departed the next day.

Who ya gonna laugh at now, T?!


Fragrant Liar said...

Yowza, you know in that water, there are about 15 kinds of sharks, including the bull shark which likes to bump into humans a lot. Just saying, you may have been on the edge of disaster! What a vacation! ;-)

Pearl said...

Fragrant, you LIE! You are LYING about that, yes?!

Holy Hannah. I am not much of a sport about ocean stuff!!

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Not only are there sharks, but there are sting ray and jelly fish. Take it from and B&B Florida girl... jelly fish 'stings' are NOT sensational.

Sweet Cheeks said...

Think about all the drama going on in your fish tank at home. I'll bet that same shady business happens in the ocean...murder, sudden disappearances, witness protection...and you were standing in the middle of it.

I shudder.

Symdaddy said...

I really wanted to be able to write something stylish,with just a hint of good old British 'toilet' humour, but to be brutally honest I'm so tired that I couldn't understand what you had written.

5 am starts and 12 hour days are just too much.

Bum = Bottom (said instead of fruitier expletives)
Pants = what I do for two minutes on Friday nights (if I'm allowed)

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I can't blame you. That muskellunge would send me acking too, though I'd think you'd be desensitized after 7 showings of Jaws in 1 weekend. Didn't take, huh?
Thanks so much for your comment and joining my following, Pearl!
Happy Friday and weekend.

Pearl said...

Midwestern, all of that, that you just listed? I'm against it.

Sweet Cheeks, with that in mind, what in the world was I THINKING getting in the water?! The investigation into Yang the Goldfish's death continues at Chez Pearl!

Symdaddy, that's an awful lot of workin'!
(Nice definitions!)

Robyn, you'd think it would have desensitized me but what it really did was freak me out on the subject of deep water, boats in deep water, Richard Dreyfus.

The Retired One said...

I know what you mean Pearl! When we were swimming in Mexico a few years back, I had water shoes on (I know, say it now: GEEK!) because it was rocky in the water..and I kept loosing my one shoe...reached down to find it and looked under the water, and unbeknown to me, there were about 20 beautiful white and yellow striped fish swimming about me (did someone say NEMO?). Then they did start bumping my legs, which freaked me out a little....hahaa

Pearl said...

Retired One, you have to laugh, don't you? On the one hand, there are fish in this water! and on the other hand, why are you so surprised that there are fish in this water?!

Simply Suthern said...

Lionfish, Tiger Sharks, and Polar Bears, Oh My!!! Well maybe not polar bears but there are no fish named after bears. That doesnt seen quite fair does it?

chlost said...

Hello-I have never been to Florida, so I can't comment on that, but don't Muskies bite in our Minnesota waters? I think I heard that when I was a kid. They do have horrible looking teeth, I think. Almost as big as some of those little ol' sharks, I bet!

Pearl said...

Simply, you're right! Who do we talk to about that?!

chlost, I'd heard that, too, but have never met anyone bitten by one.
Great. Another thing to worry about.

Sam Liu said...

*stifles laughter* It is a little funny, Pearl...think how funny it would have been if you'd have been the onlooker, and not the victim :D

Personally, I love fish and I'm a keen scuba-diver, though I'm sure the fish in Florida are big and scary, so your fear is entirely normal :D

Dragonfly Dreams said...

Has anyone considered that it just might have been a very hunky merman? And the quick exit out of the water was akin to escaping out the bathroom window during a date-gone-wrong? Uh huh. Didn't think so.

Pearl said...

Sam, I must admit that, even at the time, I found it a bit funny. The way I jumped and flailed was silly. :-)

Dragonfly, I hadn't looked at it that way, but now I shall. (And I am looking forward to my dreams tonight!)


i love coming by your place late in the day when i especially need a fun refreshing pick-me-up which was quite the need for the day today - so i thank you, again, miss pearl, for your wit and wisdom and words!!!

Cloudia said...


Aloha from Waikiki

Comfort Spiral

Douglas said...

I have a couple of shark stories, being a long time Florida boy, but I won't bore or frighten you with them. Suffice it to say, I still have all my limbs, feet, hands, fingers, and toes. Sharks bump into you in order to find out if you might be tasty as well as edible. They are not so picky about the tasty part. So whatever bumped into you wasn't just doing it because he lost his glasses.

Jeanne said...

Did you see any of those GIANT COCKROACHES that Floridians try to pass off as "palmetto bugs"?

Cheeseboy said...

Boy, you listen to a lot of Rufus, don't you? Love Built to Spill too.

Beta Dad said...

My family from Montana is skeeved out by ocean critters too. But they don't seem that worried about grizzlies and mountain lions. Weird.

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Wow!!! Too funny! I grew up in So. Cal. Lots of beach time...Thanks so much for stopping by! I so appreciate it! I love to make new friends, and it seems we have a lot of mutual friends!! So, I hope you won't mind one more follower...:-)) Looking forward to getting to know you! ~Janine XO

24 Corners said...

Pearl...first of all, I'm glad your legs are still attached to you and that all your flailing and what-not only got you some teasing, better that than, well, no legs - or worse! JAWS has been on TV it seems everyday for the past month and I'm a bit sensitive about all that stuff right now.
Second of all...thanks so much for stumbling into 24C and for the follow. When I read your profile I thought (because it's fall), she's funny...and lo and behold, you're seriously/professionally funny! Well it's nice to meet you!

Have a great weekend...

Gigi said...

And that, dear Pearl, is why when I venture out to the beach most of my time is spent sunning myself on the beach with a good book!

Glad you made it home in one piece!

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

You know, Jaws is still the scariest movie I've ever seen! But unlike other scary movies, I realized early on that I could greatly reduce my risk of being put in a similar situation simply by never getting more than ankle deep in the ocean! Yes, there's fish in there... I just don't want to know!!

Thanks for your visit over at my place. You're welcome anytime!!

Maggie May said...

One thing for sure.... I would NEVER get in there again.That *thing* would never get a chance to bump me a second time!
I enjoyed that post.
Thank you for visiting me.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

lgsquirrel said...

I can't believe it! You should get yourself one of those T shirts that say "I survived!"caused you survived a dip in the ocean. I have blogged on all sorts of reasons why I don't go swimming. If you would like to see what you escaped from, check out http://lgsquirrel.wordpress.com/2010/09/06/fishy-tale/, http://lgsquirrel.wordpress.com/2008/07/29/more-reasons-for-not-going-swimming-soon/ or http://lgsquirrel.wordpress.com/2007/08/03/still-not-going-swimming-soon/ .

Tempo said...

It could have been anything Pearl, but I suspect it was a clumsy something or other who ignored the warnings about going into shallow waters and who then swum away very quickly indeed screaming something about “Ack! Ack! people! people! Big people in the water! Ack! Ack!” to the undying laughter of all it's peers...

Unfinished Rambler said...

I think that's one of the reasons I can't swim.

When I say "that," I mean fish in the water. When I was a kid, one of the neighborhood swimming holes was in the creek behind our house. All I could think upon stepping into the creek were the carp around my legs that I couldn't see, because the bottom of the creek was so muddy.

All this to say, don't worry, I'm not laughing at you. ;)

Bossy Betty said...

UM...Listen, I live by the Pacific Ocean and you would have heard me all the way in MN if that had happened to me. I believe overreacting is essential in these situations.

Greenfingers said...

'Built to Spill!'
Ahhhh, Pearl!!