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Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Call Now! We're Waiting Just for You!

Oh, hi!

I’ve been waiting for you.

Be honest with me – did you ever think you’d find your soul-mate at a bar?

Me, neither.

But on a 1-800 number? Oh, yes.

So why haven’t you called? I’ve been waiting for you, and so have all my drop-dead gorgeous friends, all luscious blondes, red-heads, and brunettes between the ages of 18 and 24. There’s just so much more to us than our beautiful faces, our firm, taut bodies, and our ability to recline seductively while talking on the phone.

What, you say? Why in the world would there be hot chicks on the phone, waiting for me to call?

Because, silly, we’re just like you. We’re lonely, we’re scantily clad, and we’re tired of the run-around at the bar, just like you! It gets so tiring, being continually hit on, having men buy us drinks in the hopes of seeing us again, answering the same tired questions on what cup size we wear, what it would take, money-wise, to see us again, fielding questions regarding who we live with and whether or not he’s armed.

It’s so tedious being beautiful and well built, don’t you think?

I can just tell that we’re going to get along.

So why haven’t you called?

I’m waiting.

28 comments:

Simply Suthern said...

I have always imagined it would really suck to be beautiful. I don't know but I sure hope so. LOL

Barbara Blundell said...

Hi Pearl,
I had a heavy breathing phone call last week and thinking it was one of my 'friends 'winding me up went along with it until a throaty voice said that it admired my 'sexy legs '( Ha ha .little did he know the true state of them ! ) and then other lewd comments followed. I put the phone down smartish- but really was quite flattered !

Elly Lou said...

All true. Hot girls love to wait by the one while wearing nothing but saran wrap. Also, women love to hear strange men on the street scream things like, "Can I get some fries with that shake," while minding their own damn business. Now I'm going to go feed my unicorn. He only eats twizzlers.

Fred Miller said...

Message brought to you by AT&A.

Bossy Betty said...

That's funny, because I've been waiting too. Thanks for taking my credit card number and putting me on hold. You are so nice!

Tamsin said...

I didn't know you had a second job, Pearlie!

K A B L O O E Y said...

I'm a beautiful nearly naked nymphomaniac just waiting for a call from you, the 42 year old who lives in his parents' basement ("It's like my own place -- I have my own entrance, but there's always food in the fridge"), laughs at his own jokes and chews with his mouth open.

Sweet Cheeks said...

...press 1 if you would like foreplay
...press 2 if you want to know what I'm wearing
...press 3 if you would like 10 more minutes
...press 4 if your have no limit on your credit card
=]
Naughty Pearl...

Douglas said...

Been watching a lot of late night Spike channel lately, have you?

Magpie said...

867-5309 ?

Dean said...

I could lie about how we met if you'd like?

Symdaddy said...

Dammit Pearlchen! Your phones always engaged!!!

Tail-Kinker said...

This kind of stuff is exactly why I loved my DVR.

And why I love On Demand!

Sam Liu said...

Ha! This is great, Pearl. What was the number again...? :D

Caleb said...

I knew it!

Madame DeFarge said...

I suspect that they're all tired 40 somethings, filing their nails and doing the crossword. Or is that just me?

Ian Lidster said...

Because you've never given me the full 1-800, or I'd be there, and would believe every single purring thing you told me about your undies, cup size and intense yearnings. Really, really I would.

powdergirl said...

Can you imagine who's REALLY sitting there talking dirty to the horny masses? I think it would be a pretty hilarious job.

Argent said...

Thanks goodness I've never had to bear the heavy burden of excessive beauty!

Jude said...

I always hoped someone would do a great blog post about those commercials - voila!

Gigi said...

Priceless, Pearl! Simply priceless. Now I know where to tell my son to start looking when he's ready to settle down and get married.

bunny said...

My friends are always telling me I should get a job as a phone sex operator due to the fact that apparently I have a sexy voice...but I can't imagine sayin' all those naughty things to people I don't know...OH WAIT...yeah, I can imagine...

too funny~

bunny

Stacy Q said...

I want to comment but all your other commenters have said it so well...

Ditto

Kal said...

Are you once again a victim of this scam where some beautiful girl with her broken english (spelling Calvin wrong but constructive conversation correctly) only serves to make be believe that I can be loved and find a soul made. They are cruel with this 1800 scheme.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I am so relieved to read this post and find that another woman truly understands how tedious this phone gig gets. What's a gorgeous, sexy, mindless gal to do? Excuse me, I've got another call.
xoRobyn

Jon in France said...

Pearl!This is a side of you I never knew existed.

Being English, I'm not too au fait with the whole business of you-know-what, but I'm told it is very popular on your side of the pond.

I did meet my wife in a bar. But I had been stalking her for a while before that.

Tempo said...

I dont ring those kind of numbers...not since the judge said he'd lock me up if it happened again...

vanilla said...

Bwaa ha ha ha!

[There is a wee giftie for you over on my front page]