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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Wherein I Step Out of My Own Head and Into Someone Else's

I’m tired of being on the inside of my head. I need a new vantage point.

I want to be inside someone else’s head for a change.

For example, that guy over there. No, not that one. The one at the juke box. Have you been watching this guy?

“My man!” he shouts at the machine. In this case, it appears that George Thoroughgood is this guy’s “man”. One arm up in the air, faux-clutching what may be an imaginary lighter, our man at the juke box sways, enthralled. “B-b-b-b-bad to the bone!” he stutters.

He raises the beer he’s set onto the bar and pulls deeply from it. He belches. “Thazz mah dog,” he says to no one.

The next hour on the jukebox, however, is devoted, it seems, to the mid-80s; and we endure both the musical stylings of AC/DC and its Number One Fan.

“Done dirt cheap!” he bawls.

“Yeah, buddy,” someone at the bar agrees good naturedly. “AC/DC! Dirty Deeds!”

“Done dirt cheap!” yells/agrees our man at the juke box. He wanders over to where I’m sitting and jams an imaginary microphone in my face.

“Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap!” I yell into his fist. The crowd laughs and I raise my beer.

Why not.

Unencumbered by sobriety or, unfortunately, a belt, he returns to the jukebox, clutching at his droopy drawers with one hand and using the other to alternately direct the music pouring out through the speakers or touch the screen to choose what turns out to be more AC/DC songs.

Now, I enjoy AC/DC as much as the next three-chord-strummin’ rock band, but do they have anything else?

A crowd has gathered around him.

What is going on inside that head, I wonder. What time did he start drinking? Is he imagining that the dancing and singing in front of the jukebox is drawing a crowd, not as a drunken spectacle but in admiration? Why doesn’t he own a belt?

Wait – some of these women actually do appear to be admiring him – so what’s going on in their heads?

Hmm. First I want to vacation in his head – and then I want to vacation in one of those women’s heads.

I’ll bet everything looks different from inside there.

26 comments:

Symdaddy said...

You would be surprised by the things floating inside the vacuum of a man's head. Very few of them are logical or intelligent thoughts, however, so you may well be lonely and bored ... you would be if you hitched a ride in my head.

Sarah said...

I'll bet it's murky and blurry inside of his head. Better vacation in Hawaii or somewhere else to worth your while. :) Same goes with the ladies.

Dave King said...

Really, a most intriguing post - in keeping with the blog as a whole.

Georgina Dollface said...

Wow, you are such a keen observer of human folly. That belt comment made me laugh out loud, but then I pictured the view from your seat and I was all, "Dude, no one needs to see that! Pull your pants up!" - G

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

monkeys with paddleballs up there, Pearl...
monkey with paddleballs

Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

The thought of being in this guy's head is not appealing in the least. Nor the women. I like it right where I am.

Simply Suthern said...

Ya might want to return from that vacation and crawl out of their heads before they take their dirty deeds vaction together.

ellen abbott said...

It's a dark and dingy place.

Louisiana Belle said...

"clutching at his droopy drawers" LOL. Gotta love those good-natured drunks. Too funny.

Sweet Cheeks said...

If you do spend an hour or two in 'Beltless Bob's' head...make sure you thoroughly disinfect yourself when you come out...just sayin'.

If you want to, swing by my head for awhile. I've been humming the theme song from the Partridge Family Show all morning for some unkown reason. Maybe you could uplug my virtual juke box while you're in there...
=]

KleinsteMotte said...

Some day we may learn to do just that. The way the studies of the mind are headed it seems possible. But I hope I'm gone by then.

Fred Miller said...

If you've read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, when the spaceship kicks into "improbability drive" that's what being in a drunk's head is like. At least a male drunk. I don't know about women.

The Fred Effect: News Headlines

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I'd like to be in the head of that dude who wore the school boy uniform from AC/DC to see what was in there that made him wear that insanity. Then I'd like a hot shower and some Xanax. :)

Irish Gumbo said...

You're welcome to take a trip inside my head, all I ask is that you don't rearrange the furniture. Please. :)

Fragrant Liar said...

Step Away From the Jukebox, my friend. That is one man's head you do not want to be in. Seriously, AC/DC?

a Broad said...

LOL, I agree with Fragrant Liar ... Step Away !! lol...

The Vegetable Assassin ... Angus I think was/is his name .. my son knew him .. enough said about that ..happy to say those days are over.

Pearl... if you were to step inside, it would be like a murky swamp with bits of flotsam floating around.. nothing clear , all muddied and sluggish. Get out of that mind before something gets on you !!
As to the wimmen ... there have been books and books written about them and still, no one can figure it out ... why ? why ?

mrwriteon said...

Actually I 'was' inside his head when I sang a karaoke 'Wild Thing' in a Waikiki bar with a guy, a newlywed, from Portland Or.Not one of my prouder moments. Inside his head was not a great place to be.

Gigi said...

I'm thinking that if you went into his head or theirs - that you might come out really, really warped. And dirty.

Ricky Shambles said...

I love nothing more than observing human nature in a bar. Delicious.

As for Beltless, I bet it's sad in there, not so much murky as stale. The furniture's old and greasy and threadbare but he can't move past the emotional attachment he has to each piece to replace it, refresh things a bit. He knows if he really tried, he could force open the windows, really air out the place, but they've been nicotine'd shut so long, it'd be so hard.... So instead of cleaning or ventilating or even leaving, he stocks up on beer and brings in George and parties with Angus because there was that time - remember? - when they totally understood each other.

Herding Cats said...

Are you sure you want to be in his head? Sounds kind of creepy (if you ask me?)

Cheeseboy said...

At least it wasn't Quiet Riot.

You make him out to be so charming. I have a perfect picture of him in my head.

GTChristie said...

Yeah, things are pretty hectic and stressful down a the nuclear power plant. Ya gotta let off some steam. Just having a little fun, darling, that was sweet of you to sing in the invisible mike like that -- why can't every night be this good. Ooops ... wow, too bad I left my belt holding down the China Syndrome lever back at the plant. Oh well. Yeeeehaaaaa!

Hey, I know these guys.

W.C.Camp said...

Yeah I can guess what's inside their heads and believe me it is really really echoey! W.C.C.

reasonably chubby said...

Pearl, you must crazy. DO NOT under any circumstances attempt to get in that man's or his groupies heads. I'll tell you why-you will be sorely disappointed that's why. And you may never come out. How do I know these things? Duh... no belt? I'm tellin ya, I know what I'm talkin about.

Laoch of Chicago said...

He wants to be part of the circle in his own awkward way.

Mone said...

hahaha, sounds like a fun nigth :)