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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Just Another Zombie Sunrise

I wouldn’t say I was a paranoid woman, a suspicious woman or even a woman with grave concerns.

But indication that the zombies are gathering was apparent on my ride to work this morning.

There are three steps, up and into the bus.

The bus driver has been the same person for several months now.

“Good morning,” I say. A crotchety, pinch-faced individual, he continues to stare straight ahead.

This particular driver has not once, since taking over this route, responded in any way to my greeting and I now say it while mentally calculating the number of people he acknowledges a day, a number I place, having seen him every morning for roughly four months, at zero. I wonder if he knows that I now say “good morning” without any real wishes that he actually have a good morning.

I refuse to let the crabby fart stand in the way of my being friendly, however, and I scan my Go card and proceed toward the back of the bus.

The light at this time of morning has changed recently, and in these early end-of-summer hours it is thin and apologetic. Our summer tans are fading quickly, leaving us mere shades from our original and in-the-box condition. The faces around me are slack, eyes unblinking,

I settle into my seat and touch my cheek, checking for similar slackness.

I turn to my seat mate. “Does anything seem different to you today?”

She smiles and holds up her hands, palms up. She doesn’t speak English.

“Zombies,” I say, smiling. “Think any of these people might be zombies?”

She continues to smile, shakes her head, and resumes staring out her window.

It occurs to me that, when the zombies come, they will take public transportation. I can see it now.

“’morning, Jim!”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaah.”

“What’s that, Jim?”

“AAaaaaaaaaah.”

“Well that’s true, but they have just as much a chance as any other team. Don’t let anyone tell you differently!”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaah.”

“Well, here’s my stop. See you later!”

“Aaaaaaaaah.”

Who will notice?

I look around the bus. So many zombies already: on the bus, in the elevator, standing in line at the bank.

Ever vigilant. That’s me. Ever working, ever tax-paying, ever vigilant.

Do I look pale to you?

Aaaaaaaaaah.

31 comments:

Charlotte Ann said...

did you check? They might have a cell phone to their ear. That's the sort of zombies I stand beside of while waiting in line.

Chantel said...

A Zombie Sunrise....sounds like a drink from Animal House.

Douglas said...

I notice that many people use that "No speak-a English" ploy when they see a future zombie try to engage them in conversation...

Kate said...

When people stop responding to my good mornings, I just say something nicer like, "I'm naked under my clothes." or, "I want to lick your ear." That's how you really know if they're zombies.

Bossy Betty said...

Pearl--I am thinking a TV show about you and your bus rides would be a great idea!

Will Burke said...

I loved the "thin and apologetic" sunlight! But, my god, you're right! It could take us years to recognize a zombie infestation.

powdergirl said...

Hi Pearl,
Are bus drivers getting surlier? I keep seeing people running for busses, and the driver seems to wait till they get the tip of their nose in the door, then he slams it shut and takes off in a cloud of "F**k you. What's going on with that?

justsomethoughts... said...

come to think of it, you do look a little pale.

and i prefer the tequila sort.

Corte Inglesa said...

Pearl, move to Spain. Bus drivers are so friendly here - you'll always get a nice "buenas dias guapa" when you get on. I even give my favourite bus driver a kiss on the cheek (maybe that might be taking a bit too far though!)

Fred Miller said...

Yeah, like justsomethoughts, when I saw the title I thought about tequila.

The Fred Effect

The Jules said...

If they only eat brains, they're going to starve round these parts.

Actually, zombies do tend to look like they're on Atkins.

Sweet Cheeks said...

When the zombie infestation hits nation wide we'll see some social/econnomic changes, I think.

They'll probably lobby on capital hill for the right to vote, marry and open up chains of fast food restaurants such as:

The Cranium Barrel (Brain Burgers and Fried Eyes)
or
Pancreas Hut (Chicago style deep dish organs!)
and
Bob's Big Toes (Try our new Finger Steaks...)

Yum.
Bahahahaha!

Sarah said...

Zombies are everywhere on our BART--thanks to iPod maker.

Jude said...

Awesome! I'm going to get appropriately zombie-paranoid now, when venturing out.

Kr√ęg said...

That totally explains the rotting smell...

KleinsteMotte said...

Too bad that no one wants to interact. Why are they all so up tight? Fear??
Don't give up. I think what you do is good.

Courtney said...

Some of us function only at the zombie level before noon. But perhaps you should market "Zombie Away" as the newest wake-em-up product. Oh, wait. They already make that. It's called an air horn.

CatLadyLarew said...

Aaaaaaaah! That's why people look so dazed in the morning! It all begins to make sense...

a Broad said...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Gigi said...

This TOTALLY explains a few people at my office! I will be keeping a closer eye on them now - thanks for the heads up!

mrwriteon said...

I think your transit company should hire you to do PR.

Sam Liu said...

Please, please, please make this post into a movie. It would be wonderful! Mmm...names, names...what about "Even Zombies Ride The Bus", though I'm sure you can think of something far better :D

De Campo said...

The next step is to systematically eliminate them.

Remember, head shots. Lots of head shots.

Herding Cats said...

I can't hate. I'm feeling like a zombie these days!

Flea said...

Did you know that you blink approximately 25 times per minute? And create about two quarts of saliva a day?

Move south, Pearl.

Cheeseboy said...

You totally blew my mind right there.

Hope you "limbered up".

Tempo said...

The zombies started taking over here in Oz some time ago. We found a way around it by voting them into parliament, they have to sit there day in and day out listening to amendment after amendment. Even a zombie can only take so much.

Ryan said...

I think you may be on to something here, although I believe all bus drivers around the world are 'crabby farts'.

Gaston Studio said...

LOL, Pearl, another good one!

Pearl said...

Access to a computer again! Mwa ha ha ha haaaa!

Love the comments. :-)

Pearl

p.s. Have not yet heard from Dell, but my computer's been in their hands for almost a week now...

Casey Freeland said...

They only look like zombies. But they can't be because zombies are animated... a least a little. These creatures never move.

Cheers,

Casey