It was both my fortune and misfortune to have had a flight cancel recently.
It was fortunate, because it gave me another day of vacation.
It was not-so-fortunate, because my rescheduled flight gave me a seat in first class; and now that I’ve been there, now that I’ve seen how they’re flying up front, how will I ever go back to my usual space: between two large men sharing an egg salad sandwich?
Have you ever flown first class? Let me describe for you, please, the delights at the fore of the plane.
Right from the start, you know there’s something afoot when they give you a pillow and a blanket. I don’t know what everyone else did with theirs, but I sold mine to someone in steerage.
And then there are the seats. The seats are – and you’ll not believe this – wide enough to accompany your rear end. There’s not much more to say about that other than that it was a pleasure to sit.
They bring you snacks in first class. Free snacks delivered in small wicker baskets. I had two Twix bars, some Sun Chips, a banana, and the prime rib. If I recall correctly, the rest of the plane was being served Cool Whip containers of burrito ends and half-sticks of gum.
And did you know that they’re drinking like mad at the front of the plane? Wine, mixed drinks – the beer bong went around twice! Needless to say I just about missed my massage.
Did you know that first class even has their own bathroom? And – get this – people creeping in from the back of the plane are turned around and frog-marched back to their seats. It’s true. They weep piteously, pointing at the back of the plane, clutching their bellies, but it’s of no use. They should’ve thought of that before they ate those burritos.
It is quite possible that I‘ll never see first class again. Still, I have my memories. And that wicker basket. And the pillow and the blanket of the guy next to me.
So yeah, I have my memories, a wicker basket, a pillow and a blanket.
And that’s enough for me.
CDC: Come Clean on Vaccine/Gun Violence Link!
5 hours ago