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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

You Might Want to Have That Mole Checked Out…

Let us begin by acknowledging that winter in Minneapolis looks different than summer in Minneapolis.

I’m not referring to the discarded bits of tongue left on random elementary school swings; nor do I refer to the piles of slush that line the alleys following a plowing, only to develop into a car-punishing obstacle course upon freezing.

No. That’s not it.

I submit to you, instead, the yearly, seasonal re-introduction of exposed flesh.

A woman got on the bus this morning wearing what was clearly a swimsuit cover-up.

And nothing else.

It was 7:30.

The criss-cross cut of the back showed off her impressive rear view, the deeply cut arm holes exposed the lack of mammary support. The bottoms of her buttocks hung ever-so-slightly lower than the hem of the off-white garment; and judging from the look on the face of the woman across the aisle from where she sat, there may not have been underwear involved.

All that for the price of a bus pass! What next? Espresso machines? Soft cuddly puppies to hold en route?

You know, we don’t often get that look around the neighborhood – at least not during the morning commute. Say what you will, but large quantities of exposed, dimpled flesh before work – particularly when it’s not your own! – will go a long way towards pepping you up some, first thing. Here I’d been thinking it was going to be just another day when I am reminded, in one fell swoop, that we’re out of milk, that something on the grill would be nice, and that I still have Kathy’s “Charlotte’s Web”.

Summer’s too short – in all kinds of ways.

23 comments:

Simply Suthern said...

There oughta be a law.

I sure miss out a lot by driving in. All a saw were 4 turkeys grazing in a field and a skunk sleeping/stinking in the middle of the road.

Pearl said...

Simply, great. Now I have that Jed Strunk song "Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road" in my head.

:-) Remember Jed Strunk?!

Sausage Fingers said...

Sounds like just another day at the beach here, fleshy pink baby boomers trying to recreate their glory days. You have to be at the ready when one of the raisins bends over to pick up a shell, shield the eyes of the bairns and give up any hope of "Afternoon delight"
Yeuch.....
ps. on the bus!!!

Simply Suthern said...

Yes Miss Pearl. I remember the song but never knew who sang it. You got all kinds of stuff stuck in that brain of yours. I was in Middle School. I remember a friend of mine sang it in a talent competition. Stinking to high heaven.

Simply Suthern said...

Also, You're lucky all you have is the song in your head. I had the stink in my car for five miles.

Fred Miller said...

I'm so glad you chose this topic today. My post today is a little more disgusting and biological than usual. Thanks for helping me feel more comfortable with it.

Cheeseboy said...

"Bits of tongue" That is nasty. Funny, but nasty.

Sweet Cheeks said...

I'd like to comment about the woman's obvious lack of style in choosing her wardrobe, but people here in Idaho often wear shorts, flip flops and their winter coats so....I guess I'll be quiet.
=]

LucyCooper said...

Was there hair? White dimples just aren't the same without a few curly blacks thrown in for good measure,

mrwriteon said...

I never get those visual treats when I'm driving in commuter traffic. I'm grateful.

a Broad said...

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like your list .... but I think my appetite would be so dead.

Here, there are these sights only in the parks.. on blankets or beach chairs and being in South America... there is way too small a bikini on a way too wrinkled brown body, with the same need for mammary support and usually the hind end looks like a 12 year old boys because the women here have this thing about Thin ..
Thin is good to some degree but these are old wrinkled tanned thinnies who are way past their due date.. I don't think anyone ever told them that fat will plump out a wrinkle or two..

Moannie said...

Oh dear...you did make me laugh. Sadly, it seems that those who are the first to expose acres of flesh at the first glimmer of sunshine, are men with huge hairy bellies and girls [and women, ugh] with many wobbly bits squeezed into too small tops and too small skirts. Waxy white or lobster red skin and Mullet hair...oh dear me.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

she may have been robbed off all her clothes except that one...and the price of a bus ticket..... just a thought!

Erin said...

You had me at "pantsalanche." Glad to have stumbled upon your blog today. :-)

Kevin Musgrove said...

This time of year I sometimes wonder whatever happened to the old tripe shops.

Ruthibelle said...

This was a truly classic post. Loved it, loved it, loved it.

And I agree- summer IS too short ... in all kinds of ways.

Gigi said...

Gah! My eyes! Your visual was so good that you've burned my retinas for all of eternity. Which may be a good thing because we see a lot of that down here for far longer than you do up there.

Katie Gates said...

Hopping over here from Blissed-Out's featured links. What a find! You are hilarious!

Ms Sparrow said...

UGH! What would possess someone to go out that early dressed like that? She's obviously not on her way to work!

Bossy Betty said...

So let me get this straight...I should NOT wear my thong bikini to the grocery store? Is that right?

dogimo said...

There's nothing shameful about the human body! But you probably don't want to leave a lot of them lying around.

Wait, that comment is a total ripoff.

Well anyway, this amusing anecdote did pep me up on the way to work this morning! I just couldn't think of a thing to say really. Still can't think of a thing to say.

But then what can you say to a thing like that? I was hiking up to the top of Moro Rock one time and there was this girl just ahead who I don't know if she actually had a thong with that miniskirt or not, or what. I had to just suspend disbelief and give the benefit. And try* not to look.

*pretend, try...same thing.

Tempo said...

I'm one of those very sick people who find great mirth in such things Pearl. I chuckle at all those small social stuff ups.

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