The TV is at it again.
What’s with these commercials for Activia? Jamie Lee Curtis, The Queen of Scream!
Jamie! You poor SOB, what’s up with the “regularity” talk? Better yet, what’s up with that disturbing flushing hand motion you’re encouraging people to make, the one implying yogurt moving efficiently from entrance to exit?
Either you are truly excited about yogurt, or you have a payment to make. Should’ve never bought that boat, should ya, Jamie?
For cryin’ out loud, people, the actors and musicians I’ve grown up with are aging.
I’m against this.
You know, I don’t actually notice the fact that I myself am aging until I am surrounded with younger folk, something that, mathematically, happens more and more often.
You know what I need to do, don’t you? I need to hang out with people my age or older, if not for the common memories and dance steps then for the off-chance that I will find myself staring into the bathroom mirror, pulling the skin on my face back toward my ears, wondering if anyone would notice if I had a tiny face lift…
Just a tiny one.
I recently began telling people that I’m in my mid-50s. I’m not, but I love when they say, “God, you look great!”
I plan on carrying out this little lie until I’m actually in my mid-50s, whereupon I will begin to tell people that I am, oh, 32, just to see the look on their faces.
“Yeah. I was a really heavy smoker from 15 to just last year. It was tough, but I feel great.”
One must have strategies.
The movie stars of my youth are concerned with bowel movements, some of my younger friends are surprised to learn that there was no violence at Woodstock, and I recently overheard someone state firmly that “only fat people have cellulite”.
These are the things one must contend with when one continues to live.
But what are you going to do?
As my father says, it beats the alternative.
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