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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I’m Hoping to get Leonard Nimoy to Narrate

Like the mysteries around the solitary wool socks found hanging around the dryer and the clover I found growing alongside the potted jade in the living room, I’ve got a new unknown to occupy the unused corners of my mind.

The transitory and fickle nature of lighters.

Mary called the other day, left a message. “It’s very patriotic over here. I’ve got three lighters: red, white, and blue, and none of them are mine! What is going on here? Do you think I’m like a safe house for wayward lighters?”

Do I think she’s a safe house for wayward lighters? I’m not sure I’m qualified to answer that; but just for fun, I’m going to say “yes".

And now I find they’re coming for me: in old jackets, in the street, on the bus: Bics, Crickets, the occasional Mighty Match. I gained four lighters after the last party. Were they left behind by their drunken owners? Were they escaping bad situations at home?

Lighters are notoriously silent about their private lives.

There were two lighters at the back of the bus yesterday. They might’ve been on their way to Mary’s – they were headed in the right direction, after all – but I didn’t talk to them. I think that’s how they’ve been ending up at my house lately. Last time I ended up talking to a couple of Bics they followed me home and I loaned one of them my car.

Shh. You hear that?

The lighters are migrating.


Sarah said...

It's a sign of people getting healthier. Their owners are quitting, so they're being abandoned. One can always hope..

Anonymous said...

Lighters - Whats that?
The cigarette lighters?

Bossy Betty said...

Don't look now, but there are two of them following you right now.

Anonymous said...

What's funny is...when I don't need a lighter there's always 10 or so laying around, and I never buy them - we don't smoke.

God help me if I want to light a candle though...they all suddenly disappear.

What's up with that?

Sam Liu said...

Lighters following you? You may need to consult a doctor, Pearl...it could get disastrously out of hand! :D

Charlotte Ann said...

I've sent mine out into the world looking for a new home. I really hated to abandon them but as i've told them, I don't need you anymore. I've quit so you will have to find a new home. Who knew they would migrate that far north! They used to live in the Gulf region.
p.S. say hi to them for me...tell them I've moved.

Douglas said...

I think the important question is Do they work? Followed by Is there a child handy to defeat the child-proofing?

Since 2 out of 3 people living in this house are smokers (but only on the patio where it pollutes the outside air and causes my Key Lime tree to cough uncontrollably), we seem to have countless lighters with no butane in them.

Caleb said...

One of my tricks is to borrow someone's lighter and keep it without them knowing. I compete with my dad and at the end of the night we giddily empty our pockets to see who's done the most damage.

Yeah, we're mature.


Simply Suthern said...

All of my lighters are the extended kind. I guess they are for reaching the end of those old style cigarette holders. I asked and it ignored me like it didn't give a flick.

All those you have found will be handy at the next Liza Bean Concert when they break into Free Bird. Wave one for me.

mapstew said...

'Come on baby, light my fire'!

Well somebody had to say it! :¬)


Vic said...

They must all be out your way- I can't remember the last time I saw a lighter, other than the long household ones for the fireplace.

Probably we have too many wildfires out here so they left town.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Y'know, now that you mention it, they must be migrating your way. It's been YEARS since I've seen a stray lighter around here!

IndigoWrath said...

Hey Pearl! For me, like Douglas Adams, it's biros. They appear, they breed, they giggle. They think I can't hear them. But I regard them with my vast, cool intelligence and slowly draw my plans. Indigo

Tempo said...

So thats where all my lighters go! ..and here was I thinking my daughters were taking them. Ive got some crawling to do...