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Saturday, June 5, 2010

Does That Clock Look Trustworthy to You?

My appliances are in cahoots and plotting ways to drive me mad.

For instance, I suspect my alarm clock – snatcher of dreams, night-buster, bringer of headaches – of outright lying to me.

I can’t go into a lot of detail here – I rely on the damn thing, after all, plus it reads my blog – other than to say that when the alarm goes off at 6:20 there are daily insinuations made by it, assurances of dreamy 10-minute “snoozes” that promise not to cut into my morning routine and to put me back into that dream-state I so enjoy.

This is a lie, of course. There is rarely such a thing as just one slap at the Snooze, anything and everything affects the morning routine, and another 10 minutes isn't going to make you feel any more refreshed than if you had just gotten out of bed when you meant to.

Like many people, I, for reasons that vary from getting to bed late to the inability to fall and stay asleep, am vulnerable to the Snooze. (I also eat things guaranteed to be seen as nothing but non-nutritious seam-rippers; watch things on TV that call into question my evolution as both a human and a person; and sometimes speak in ways that would not bear close inspection by my parents, my man/boy, my husband, or my boss.)

As it is for many of us, I suspect.

And the early-morning bit, the lies the clock tells me? The lies I allow to ooze into my ears before I’ve attained full consciousness? I suspect that’s universal as well.

What? What’s that? You are immune to the insidious ways of the morning snooze? You awaken smelling of clean sheets and optimism, bound out of bed, flow through 10 Sun Salutations and then pop into the kitchen for whole grains and pulverized-fruit juices before heading off to work?

The truth is that I envy those people, the ones to whom the alarm clock does not lie, the ones that awaken of their own accord. Not that I’ve met one yet, but sources (and we’ll leave it at that: just “sources”) inform me that they’re out there.

The alarm clock may never be my friend – not unlike the fridge and the microwave (but then again I always knew you couldn’t trust those guys) – but for now, it’s a necessary evil, I suppose, and just trying to do what it’s told for as long as possible.

Everybody likes a little job security.

Unlike that iPod dock of mine, whose buttons sometimes work and sometimes don’t.

That little SOB is out to get me.

18 comments:

furiousBall said...

I dream of another world where humans act as clocks and I get to wake up the red LED alarm clock with a "BRAAA BRAA BRAAA BRAAAA BRAAAA"

Argent said...

I am not a morning person. I have never met a morning person. My alarm clock also lies, offering a sweet little extra slice of dreamland, only to smash into it with a sledgehammer. It's always when the dream are at their most interesting that I get woken up. Coincidence? I think not.

sherri said...

my alarm clock reads my blog too. and I got a friend request from him on facebook the other day, but I'm choosing to ignore it.

Simply Suthern said...

I am a morning person. My brain wakes an hour before my body and start's it's creative process. I typically wake 15 min before the alarm and lay there till the music comes on. I am up to shower and shave. For me Mornings are the best.

Lady Ren said...

haha- my morning laugh with coffee.

Georgina said...

I'm a morning person. It's the quietest, most creative time of the day for me. I get up at about 4:30am, read and write blogs, sometimes clean and tidy the house, pay bills etc. I'm going to be tired at the end of the workday not matter what - getting up early doesn't change that, so I might as well get stuff done so that when I come home, I can just relax. - G

Sam Liu said...

Oh mornings! How I hate them, I really am the most awful human being when I wake up, thanks to my alarm clock which awakes me with its incessant and unnecessarily high-pitched beeping. And you're so right, the snooze button - I truly am a slave to it! I much prefer the evenings, a relaxing and work free time. Yes, I am definitely not a morning person.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

When I was a wage slave mornings were okay for me. I usually woke before the alarm went off and from that moment to the moment I hit the classroom I was a robot. It helped me deal with the whole 'morning' thing. I was at school earlier than most and had time then to ease into my day and insure that everything was ready to go. It was around 3 PM that I fell apart. I couldn't wait to leave fast enough. I needed food and a nap. Staff meetings after school drove me insane. I had already been at school since before 7 AM so it was not fun for me. Even when I coached I had early morning practices. Mid-afternoon is the devil. Mornings rocked.

CatLadyLarew said...

I'm definitely not a morning person, but I still get up early enough to suck back some coffee watch a bit of the Today show just to make myself feel semi-normal. Then again I'm not a night person, either... which leaves me with a very small window of opportunity in which to get things accomplished during the day.

Little Ms Blogger said...

"The truth is that I envy those people, the ones to whom the alarm clock does not lie, the ones that awaken of their own accord."

I know someone like this and can I tell you HOW jealous I am of her.

Personally, I removed the alarm clock from my room because for some stupid reason, I'd feel the need to keep checking the time in the middle of the night. Like I'm going somewhere at 2 a.m..

Douglas said...

I used to be a morning person. Way back when I was in my younger, more productive, more vital years. Nothing quite like the sun coming up, the dew glistening, the sounds of a city coming to life, the smell of coffee brewing, eggs and bacon frying, the aroma wafting through the air from someone's open window... yes, it meant I was just getting in from a night out somewhere I wouldn't be able to recall clearly and it meant I would be crawling into bed to get some sleep and delay the hangover for a few hours.

Reddirt Woman said...

Being retired has it's perks... unless you start breaking the word down. Re Tired. A chance to be tired all over again but not usually due to an alarm clock going off.

Golden To Silver Val said...

After the big "pause" I no longer need an alarm clock because I now wake up every 2 hours every night... I can always go back to sleep, but only for 2 more hours. I can't make up my mind if this is a blessing or not. I always did hate the sound of an alarm clock and no longer have to put up with that so maybe its a good thing.

injaynesworld said...

Don't hate me because I'm a morning person. Actually, my alarm clock is a rooster that goes off at around 6:00 and I'm too lazy to paddle out to the hen house in my jammies and smack the crap out of him. I've learned to relegate his crowing to the back burner of my brain and stay in a lovely semi-sleep haze until 7:00 when my Chihuahua starts licking my nose.

kyknoord said...

It's the classic cycle of abuse: You slap your clock and it goes all passive-aggressive on you. Have you and your clock considered couples counselling?

Tempo said...

The reason you never meet one of us is that we're up and out long before you open your eyes Pearl. Yes, I'm one of those...I dont even own an alarm clock (true) I just dont need one, I wake at first light (6.45am) and bounce out of bed.. a quick bite and I'm out the door looking to conquer the world..

Gregory said...

I hear it's not called paranoid when everyone IS out to get you.

Roses said...

I need two cups of coffee and two smokes before I'm coherent in the morning. I think my teenager is actually the result of an alien abduction. He gets himself up in the mornings and is awake and CHIRPY, before 7. Ugh.