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Saturday, May 8, 2010

There's a Kind of HUSH, All Over the World, Tonight...

Right now, while one half of the world sleeps, the other is arguing via chatroom.
Have you been in a chatroom? It’s like a cocktail party without the booze or the faint promise of making out with someone later.

Let’s read along, shall we?

Toad-ly Manor: When owning a gun is criminal, only criminals will own guns!

Earth Mama: When bongs are criminal, only criminals will own bongs!

Toad-ly Manor: LOL

Sk8r Boi: Dude! This iz whut I’m sayin!

Vented Spleen: Yes, but can you say it in English, DOOD?

Indignant and Diggin’ It: No one speaks English here! I gotta read signs in Spanish! I order from a drive-thru and they pretend they don’t understand me! They don’t give me napkins on purpose! They know we need napkins and they’re saving them to send to their home countries!

Sk8r Boi: (removed by author).

Sk8r Boi: Sorry I’m not as liturate as you.

Vented Spleen: That’s “literate”.

Sk8r Boi: Up yours.

Earth Mama: Can’t we just get along?

Toad-ly Manor: A long what?! I can get long! Oh, wait…

Sk8r Boi: Hey! I can get long, too!

Toad-ly Manor: Great minds.

Vented Spleen: That’s what they want! They want to come in to our country, own guns, have kids and go on Welfare!

Earth Mama: Why does everything have to be about the immigrants? Can’t we just talk? There’s no such thing as illegal people, you know!

Indignant and Diggin’ It: Why don’t we just make it easier on everyone and take out the "illegal" part of illegal immigrant. That would solve the whole issue. In fact, we could do that all over to prevent crimes. Bank robberies could be called "enthusiastic withdrawals".
Drug dealing could be called "home pharmaceutical distribution".
Let’s just give it a more palatable name....guest worker, for example, and everything will be okay. Just throw a big shiny coat of whitewash on it!

Sk8r Boi: LOL. The po-po turn a blind eye, dude. It’s like there promoating crime or sumpin, iddin it?

Vented Spleen: Man, learn to spell or get off my side.

Sk8r Boi: Get off my back!

Earth Mama: He’s not really a sk8r, are you, Trevor?

Sk8r Boi: Shut up!

Vented Spleen: Trevor?

Sk8r Boi: Shut up, EARTH MOTHER, or should I call you MAUREEN?

Earth Mama: It’s not Earth MOTHER, you freak! And I’m tellin’ mom you’re on the computer again when you're SUPPOSED to be doing your homework!

Indignant and Diggin’ It: Oh, for cryin’ out loud…

Vented Spleen: Hey! How old are you guys?

Toad-ly Manor: Wait. Maureen? Does this mean our plans to meet in ’12 are off?


The Savage said...

Oh My Giddy-Od! I haven't been in a chat room in a small slice of forever... That's just how I remember them....

Jon in France said...

Never been in one, but I imagine they are a bit like internet fora: keyboard heros, trolls, sock-puppets, etc, etc.

People should do more gardening, in my opinion.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

That is brilliant and so true. Not having to be accountable for what you say behind the curtain has just freed up the crazy in all of us. I for one find it healthy to bait and infuriate some idiot whose buttons are so easily pushed. I don't like to do it very often because it's like pulling the wings off a fly. What did I prove? That I am mightier than a fly? You would hope I would be.

Anonymous said...

Chat room = black plague

Besides, the spelling thing is way too annoying for me.

Happy Saturday, Chickita!

Sage said...

I haven't been in a chat room in years and thanks for reminding me why, except that they were never THAT funny!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Reminds me of the comments on the Star-Tribune website, or any news site probably. Once in a while I have to peek, and I'm always sorry.

HumorSmith said...

Very funny!

Simply Suthern said...

Uh, When you get a chance how bout sending me a link to that chatroom. It looks alot like home.

Nuke Girl said...

Aw, and here I thought this post was about Herman's Hermits. :) Hilarious, and so true!

Bossy Betty said...

This is why I stay out of chat rooms! I could get into a lot of trouble!

Flea said...

I totally didn't see that coming! But then, it's been awhile since I've been in a chat room. For good reason.

injaynesworld said...

Ah yes... now I remember why I stopped going to chat rooms. Although, it's certainly good for a giggle, isn't it.

Happy Mother's Day!

@eloh said...

Memories.... I wonder if that place I used to go is still around...

Jeez that was way back in the dark ages...

Joanna Jenkins said...

That is a hoot-- And probably why I haven't been a chat room in years.

I've been out of town and just now able to catch up. Hope all's well Pearl. I'm off to read your older posts.


Kabbalah Rookie said...

...and you were in the chatroom because...? :o)

blueviolet said...

I haven't been in a chat room in 15 years. You just reminded me why!

SweetPeaSurry said...

DOOD!!! I totally wanna chat wherever you're chatting at ... my chatrooms are a bloody mess. This was clever and fun!!! (see ... see!! bloody hateful chat mess!!!)