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Monday, May 10, 2010

Mary Elizabeth and I Go To Work, or The Loveliness of Inappropriate Laughter

Another money-making opportunity came our way Saturday and neither Mary or I could resist: a four-hour nursing certification test.

Four hours of watching people take a test.

Normally these tests are taken by anywhere from 15 to 30 people. Saturday’s attendance was five.

That’s seven people in a silent room for four hours.

Judging by the general attitude of the test-takers, this is about the right amount of time to take these tests. For the people that are there to distribute, explain, watch, time, and gather these tests, however, it is four hours of reading and free-rein imagination.

Four hours is a long time.

I’ve come to find that I naturally check my watch every 30 minutes or so. I’m not particularly proud of this and sometimes make an effort to go longer, just to see if I can.

In my experience, the first three half hours float by rather easily, especially if you’ve brought a good book. It’s that fourth half hour that’ll get ya.

I was grinning absentmindedly after having come to the somewhat dreamy realization that I had been the recent recipient of a “rash” of butt-dialings – cell-phone calls from friends who had not intended to call but had done so unwittingly, perhaps by sitting on their phones – when Mary started it.

Mary started it.

She pushed a legal pad toward me.

“This is a little dull. My next career will be in the exotic dancing arena. I hear they do well.”

It is important to note here that we had, just two hours earlier, been discussing the horrors of beachwear and what it would take to get us to come out of a dressing room in less than our full complement of clothing.

“I have my stripper name all picked out,”
she continued.

I wrote back: “What is it?”

“Frieda Livery.”

I smiled as quietly as possible.

“I’ve been thinking of picking up a little cash myself,” I wrote. “You know that e-mail that went around a while back? The one that says your stripper name is the name of your first pet followed by your mother’s maiden name? WB.”

Yes. WB.”

“I’ve got it made. My stripper name is Puss-Puss Bloom.”

Mary snorted and then choked. There was a brief pause as she pulled herself together.

She picked up the pen.

“Would people think I was copying Prince if I changed my name to a symbol? Because that would not be my intent.”

I snorted.

Five earnest nurses scribbled furiously against the timed test.

She handed me the pen.

“I’ve been thinking of changing my name to something more ethnic,” I wrote. “What do you think? WB.”

Mary sipped her coffee carefully, her smile ear-to-ear.

“I think you can pull it off. WB.”

I wrote, sliding the pad back. “I’m thinking of changing my name to Mary Elizabeth Blankett-Hogg.”

Mary spit her coffee out.

As I say, she started it.

Please note that no test-takers were harmed during our note-writing frenzy and that the exchange above took no longer to occur than it did to read. We respect, admire, and field more than a few questions from said test-takers - some of them quite silly - and always wish them well in their quest for certification.


Charlotte Ann said...

OMG. I though paper test taking went out years ago. Computers....ya know...keyboard, screen, test....

Under the Influence said...

I've been one of those test takers and I would have given ANYTHING to hear a little snort and a giggle to lighten the mood!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Giggling in Wisconsin at your silliness!

ellen abbott said...

What's with the WB?

Anonymous said...

Have you ever noticed that when you're forbidden to make noise....its almost impossible NOT to?!

Anonymous said...

Bwaahahahah. Let's see...that would make me "Dusty LaFramboise" or loosely translated "Dirty Raspberry". I like it! I'm going pole shopping today.

powdergirl said...

Huh, according to this plan my stripper name would be Jack Weibe. Dangerously seductive, no?

Pearl said...

WB? Why, that's junior-high-speak for "write back"!


and Jack Weibe? Honestly, there IS more than a tinge of "dangerous" in that name. I like it. It doesn't have the I'm-easy spirit of "Dirty Raspberry" but it does imply a certain who's-that-out-by-the-streetlight feel to it!

Laughing when you're not supposed to is delightful.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I am 'Starlight Arlington' and I danced for our boys in the big war. WW1.

Simply Suthern said...

Nothing facilitates testing like a couple of good loud laughing snorts. Then ya lean over a loudly whisper to Mary Elizabeth, Did you see her answer??

WrathofDawn said...

Fluffy Ewart. *sigh* It sounds like a skin condition, not an exotic dancer. I'll be over in the corner, hiding in shame.

The only thing I nurse is beers.

Mmmmm... beers...

Kabbalah Rookie said...

Jerry Wayland. Hmm. Unless I forget the gerbil and include my goldfish: Gums Wayland. Oo, that sounds a bit dodgy. Not a patch on Puss Puss Bloom.
It's a long while since I have laugh-snorted at an inappropriate moment - you are tempting me to seek out more opportunities!!

Anonymous said...

Those are the kinds of moments I live for and remember the best. You're hysterical, Puss-Puss! CU Thursday. Cheers, (TOW Peg or Tippy W., my stripper name). : P

Madame DeFarge said...

Goldie Bond. Not very exciting, but I could work on it. Surprised you could keep anything like a straight face.

justsomethoughts... said...

as long as no one lost an eye....

Mr London Street said...

I worked with a girl whose porn name was Fluffy Slingsby. She was gorgeous. In my imagination, she was pretty much Fluffy Slingsby all the time.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

If I get started laughing when and where I'm not supposed to, it's over. I cannot stop.

who said...

pretty wild chit chat going on there while the poor students are trying to be tested! Pearl!-why you little!

The Retired One said...

No, no..your porn star name is supposed to be the name of a pet followed by the name of a street you've lived on....
It's Cocoa North. ha

Jingle said...

like your sense of humor.

Jingle said...


Meme participation awards.
Enjoy your pride!

Irisheyes said...

Gums Wayland!! Why I otta...
If I were to go the pet name/maiden name route, I would be "T-Bone Lennox", but after thinking this through over the weekend, I have opted to change my stripper name to "Humunga Mistakia". Whaddya think? WB.