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Sunday, May 2, 2010

Hot Chicks Are Just A Phone Call Away

Oh, hi!

I’ve been waiting for you.

Be honest with me – did you ever think you’d find your soul-mate at a bar?

Me, neither.

But on a 1-800 number? Oh, yes.

So why haven’t you called? I’ve been waiting for you, and so have all my drop-dead gorgeous friends, all luscious blondes, red-heads, and brunettes between the ages of 18 and 24. There’s just so much more to us than our beautiful faces, our firm, taut bodies, and our ability to recline seductively while talking on the phone.

What, you say? Why in the world would there be hot chicks on the phone, waiting for me to call?

Because, silly, we’re just like you. We’re lonely, we’re scantily clad, and we’re tired of the run-around at the bar, just like you! It gets so tiring, being continually hit on, having men buy us drinks in the hopes of seeing us again, answering the same tired questions on what cup size we wear, what it would take, money-wise, to see us again, fielding questions regarding who we live with and whether or not he’s armed.

It’s so tedious being beautiful and well built, don’t you think?

I can just tell that we’re going to get along.

So why haven’t you called?

I’m waiting.

17 comments:

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Pearl, honey, I think you've dropped your basket.

Marla said...

Ok, this one made me laugh out loud. Pearl, you are the Mark Twain of my Sunday. Love it.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Wait. Are you telling me those late night tv ads for hot singles are false????

I'm really happy I'm a) married, b) interested in men and c) read this post because if I were a horny single man looking for love via 1 800 # and didn't read this post, I'd be screwed.

This really cracked me up. I forgot people might actually believe those tv ads.

Karen said...

Good Lord, I actually picked my husband up in a bar. Glad it wasn't by 800 number.

Teena in Toronto said...

As if it's the hot babes really answering the phone.

Gregory said...

what? I thought you were going to call me

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

But But...so you are saying that I should not wait for my delivery next week. They promised Tuesday by noon.

furiousBall said...

I have the finest bride that four Peruvian chickens would buy, thank you very much

Jimmy Bastard said...

I used to find that it was the pretty ones who had but a few grey cells between them and their pals. Give me a girl with brains rather than large cups anyday.

Leeuna said...

Hilarious post. Are there men who actually believe this? I can see these hot chicks now, wearing tattered old t-shirts, their hair fried and looking like it's been styled with an egg beater, last night's mascara streaked across their cheeks...putting out food for their 43 cats.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Unfortunately, I think some of those girls were following me on Twitter. ;)

Thanks for stopping by today. I hope he still calls you that. I would make him, if I were you!

I wish my hubby called me Darlin.....

Hugs!!

Beth said...

Perfectly written! This was the butter on my bread today.

jinksy said...

How apt that you should leave a comment on the Eletelephony poem! :) Not sure Jumbo would need a 1-800 number though...

Tempo said...

..and here was me thinking it was all faked...well dont I look stupid having never rang one of those numbers.
I met my wife at a friends new years eve party...let me tell ya, dont make big decisions when pissed!

Flea said...

Pearl, I know you've been picking up all kinds of extra side jobs for cash, but really?

Hilary said...

Those ads sure do evoke those questions.. fun post. :)

who said...

because Julie will talk to me anytime (24/7) and her attitude is always beaming with cheerfulness even if it's the tenth time that day I called. It could be 4am and me saying the dirtiest things I've ever thought. I can ask the same questions over and over again and she maintains composure.

you can call her too it's 1800 GOAMTRACK