I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Gravitational Pull of Turkey Gravy is Measured by the Number of Necks in the Roaster

I live in a three-storied House of Aroma, and I say this in the nicest possible way.

Close-approximation living is a learned behavior and is not for the overly sensitive.

The House of Aroma has, as I say, three floors. Curries float up from the first floor astride a conspiratorial acoustic guitar; spaghetti and color-crusted oil paintings with chips on their shoulders waft down from the attic. On my floor? This week it’s boxed pizzas and the faint electric smell of sparking brain synapses.

And therein lies the beauty: Each place has its personality, its own energy. Maybe it’s the direction the house faces, where the windows are, that attracts people to the city.

I don’t know what it is and I don’t care but it’s Saturday evening and I smell turkey, people!

Turkey!

Turkey! Beckoning arms of buttery goodness. Who can be sad when there’s turkey? I’ve been swept away by a river of turkey gravy, and I can’t stop thinking about it.

It is as if part of my mind has been seized, seized with vivid, visual memories of Thanksgiving tables, tablecloths and mismatched folding chairs and cousins, women with dishcloths and men with cigarettes.

And the other part of my mind? The other part of my mind is puttering around the house setting things aright only to find itself considering the complexity of canned cranberry jelly versus the whole-berry-style cranberry sauce. Why, the vintage appeal alone of the canned jelly, the way it retains the shape of the can? What could possibly be more kitsch than cranberry jelly? And so perfect for spreading on sandwiches later, too! That’s not to say that there’s not room for change, for some attention to the true taste of the untamed cranberry itself...

Ah. Did you hear that? This is what it has come to. My mind has been turned on end, and all by the heady bouquet of roasting turkey.

I give up. That's right. I’m just going to sit here, my feet up and my eyes closed, and think about plump golden goodness and tables of people happy in knowing that they’ll soon be eating with people they really like, and that later, there will be pie.

And that reminds me: Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. You’re the lilac-scented air on a warm day, and the turkey-dinnered meals of my life.

13 comments:

Simply Suthern said...

MMMMMM, Turkey. I love the smell as it cooks in the browning bag. I prefer the cranberry jelly. I can hear it now as it breaks the vaccuum sliding out of the can. Last night we steamed broccoli. I love broccoli, steamed, raw or cooked in a casserole. What I dont like is the smell. Yikes Happy Moms Day.

Pat said...

Your description of cooking turkey made my mouth water. I've been known to cook that second turkey that I got almost free in November (Buy one, get the second one for half-price) in April just because.

Happy Mother's day to you, too, Pearl.

The Savage said...

I do believe that this is the sexiest post ever written.... I do loves me some turkey and mashed taters, with sides of Cranberry jelly and/or relish...

Lo said...

Pearl, you are an artist! This piece is not only exquisitely written, but so evocative that I am salivating all over the place.
And your title wins, hands down, for the most creative ever.

Jon said...

As I read this I can smell the chicken I'm roasting for the girls' dinner as it turns on the spit, garlic, a lemon, herbs de Provence and half a pound of good butter rammed up its bum.

I wonder if my mother can see me now?

savannah said...

mmmmmmmmm, turkey.
dammit, sugar! now i want a nice roasted bird with all the slides! xoxoxox

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

You do conjure up a nice image! And I agree, the title is fabulous.

rakkasa said...

Mmm... Freshly made whole berry cranberry sauce cooked with a few slices of ginger and topped with a bit of cointreau... Heaven! Oh, yes, turkey, too! With five kinds of rosemary-roasted roasted veggies! {sigh...} I'm hungry already and I just had lunch a half hour ago...

IndigoWrath said...

Well dammit Pearl, now you've gone and made me all hungry. Domino's here I come. Indigo

Bossy Betty said...

Oh! Love the smell of turkey. I am vegetarian, but that smell at Thanksgiving makes me almost convert every year,

Kabbalah Rookie said...

Okay! You owe me a new laptop! I have just read your post and drooled all over my keyboard. Great, a busted laptop and ravenously hungry - and not a roast turkey in sight! *sigh*

pilgrimchick said...

The craving must be contagious. Now I can't stop thinking about turkey gravy.

Tempo said...

Funny how you Americans like Turkey...Aussies hate it! It just does not sell here. Personaly I'd rather chicken anyday. Turkey is a tough and dry meat...Maybe were doing it wrong?