I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Epantsipation Proclamation! May All The World Hear!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m gonna need Monday to recover from the weekend.

It’s spring, after all, in a land where summer – our reward for having lived through another winter bent on destroying us – lasts less than four months. Every shift toward our full-blown and well-deserved compensation is precious.

You want to be awake for all of it.

The moments toward summer-in-earnest can be measured via clothing. And why not? Ask anyone from a northern clime about the moment they no longer have to dress with maximum skin coverage paramount, about the sense of ceremony as the winter boots are retired to the basement, the solemnity attached to the ice scraper’s removal from the car.

And now, well into spring, the raincoats are nearing the end of their usefulness, sandals are being worn with abandon, and the windows have been thrown wide.

Yesterday the temperatures in Minnesota inched toward 80 degrees, and I did something I haven’t done in over 200 days.

I took my pants off.

I wore shorts.

That’s right: I was epantsipated.

Brothers and sisters, throw off the shackles of long pants! Liberate yourself from your trouser-ed prison! Free those pale shins and let your knees breathe! Join me in the joys of unfettered stems!



Epantsipation, baby. Heady stuff.

22 comments:

Bossy Betty said...

How are them legs looking after their long hibernation?

Tail-Kinker said...

It was a gorgeous Minnesota weekend, perfect for grilling, playing games outside, and in general soaking up the sunshine.

The sheer giddiness of being able to wear shorts outweighs any misgivings about the blinding paleness of the newly-released appendages.

Pearl said...

Tail Kinker said it best. "The sheer giddiness of being able to wear shorts outweighs any misgivings about the blinding paleness of the newly-released appendages. "

My legs have returned to their factory-issued state.

ellen abbott said...

I don't know. My legs are so white they would blind you.

IndigoWrath said...

Let my blue knees see the sun? But, but... I may burst into flames!

Patricia said...

Shorts, huh? I wore jeans all weekend. Even whilst gardening/mowing/mulching. What's wrong with me?

Pearl said...

Ellen, we must embrace our startling skin. :-)

Indigo, don't be selfish. Some of us really need the distraction of your blue knees. :-)

Patricia, I've been working on that one for years. What's wrong with you? I still have no idea, although I do notice that you continue to be a good friend to me, which means there may be something wrong with your judgment.

Teena in Toronto said...

I wear shorts whenever I can ... yes, it can be cold walking the dog with a couple feet of snow.

Ms Sparrow said...

Time to expose those fish-belly-white legs to the sun. If anybody else wants to look at them, so be it!

Simply Suthern said...

I been weed eating in shorts for about 5 weeks now. I been weed eating in shorts and calamine lotion for 4 weeks now.

Cheeseboy said...

Epanstsipated! I love it. Best time of year.

Sweet Cheeks said...

Two things in my car 365 days per year...my ice scraper/snow brush/ninja weapon combo devise

and

sunblock.

Because Idaho is tricky...and one can never be sure.
=]

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

congratulations to them!! :P

Jon said...

80°F, that's what, something in the mid-20s in real money. Could be worse, could be worse... what's the biting insect index looking like.

The Savage said...

And you keep from blinding each other how?

Jingle said...

I love wearing shorts during summer,
or skirts...
Happy Monday!

Anonymous said...

All hail the epantsipation proclamation! It's the bees knees! TWOP

GTChristie said...

Dont forget the SPF 45. Hmm ... red legs, white legs, blue legs. And tan by the 4th of July.

Tempo said...

Quite the opposite here in Oz Pearl, yesterday was the first time for many months that I was forced to wear long pants.. workmates and our secretary all commented that it must be getting cold. (its down to the mid 60's)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I did--it's lovely!
I lost my socks and shoes too--even lovelier!

Heather said...

Epanstipated! Love it! I cannot wait 'til such weather reaches my neck of the woods!

I have capried but my knees have yet to go Full Monty. They are speculating we could hit 80 next week, so I'd best be getting back into the summertime Leg Deforestation mode... the only good thing about living in a land with winter weather for so many dang months (hello, snow on Mother's Day!), the fact that one can merely shave one's legs weekly instead of daily for the duration...............

Amber Star said...

Run and be free, Pearl. Legs love being out in the air. The sunblock is a good idea, though...sort along the lines of the carpal tunnel/anti-inflammatory post above.