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Monday, April 26, 2010

The Mango Pepperoni Candles Really Set A Mood

This new laundry detergent is killing me. I smell like a soft drink.

Be truthful with me, now. Smell this. You smell that?

Do my clothes smell like grapes to you?

I’m telling you, this country’s obsession with smells has gone too far.

Don’t get me wrong. I have some lavender-geranium “hydrating lotion” – as opposed to that lousy dehydrating lotion I used to use – that I really enjoy. Makes me think that I might be getting a massage soon. But some of the combination of smells that the companies are coming up with!

Mandarin-Eucalyptus Salamander-Emollient Butter? Ginger-Monkey-Butt French-Milled Dusting Powder?

Admit it. You may not know where to buy them, but you suspect that they’re available for sale somewhere, don’t you?

I enjoy fragrances. I do: Spring is lilacs and open-window breezes, Summer is line-dried sheets and mown grass, Fall is burning leaves and baked goods, Winter is pine boughs and the “smell” of cold.

And when I speak of the “smell” of cold, those in northern climes know what I mean.

Those smells are precious to me because of what they represent, however; and the ability to spray “Woodland Pine” or some such silliness into my bathroom?

I’m not the only one who is confused.

“Hey, Mom,” The Boy said, wandering into the kitchen, “I think Paul Bunyan just took a !@#$ in our bathroom.”

I can see where he’d get that impression.

Still, what can one do? We vote for these things, as it were, with our spending habits.

And you heard it here first: I will no longer buy the Strawberry Saddle and Mulled Basil laundry detergent.

I’m putting my unscented foot down.

22 comments:

Simply Suthern said...

Wife just bought some Mango-Mandarin Soft Soap.
Smells as tho you are peeling fruit as you wash you hands.

We wandered into a Yankee Candle shop once. It will give you a nasal hernia.

Oh, what I would give for unscented feet.

reasonably chubby said...

Hey Pearl, at first I misread the "smell of cold" and thought you said the "smell of old". I felt frightened for a moment, wondering just who exactly is this weird person? But, the smell of "cold" I totally get even though I'm livin the high life down here in L.A.(lower alabama). Right now I'm surrounded by the smell of azaleas and honeysuckle unless some jerk comes in and does a Paul Bunyan. :)

Chantel said...

HAH! "Ginger-Monkey-Butt French-Milled Dusting Powder" I am SO suggesting this for the next Mary Kay fragrance line--my hippie neighbor just WONT leave me be. I'll let you know if I pull it off with a straight face...

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I bought $1 handsoaps at Kroger. Now I know exactly why they were $1.

Lavender Basil. Not a good combo. Actually basil anything is probably not a good combo unless it has to do with food.

powdergirl said...

I know what you mean! I can't stand it! I have a very sensitive nose and the constant barrage of unnatural scents makes my head hurt : /

Shieldmaiden96 said...

I got some of that Tide Laundry Booster, which comes in little plastic wrapped packets of white powder that are saved from looking as if they were shipped in via a drug mule with a strong constitution by the layer of Tide-orange gel at the surface. I knew I was in trouble as soon as I opened the bag and was nose-raped by a smell that hovered between cheap artifical grape candy and the pot pourri in the angel-shaped dish on the back of my grandmother's toilet.

There are 18 of them left in the bag. I'm a little afraid of the environmental consequences of releasing them all at once so I haven't thrown them away.

cfoxes33 said...

Some fragrances just aren't meant to be smelled by anyone. And by anyone, I mean me! Love pina colada, cinnamon, caramel, and Downy original.

Ms Sparrow said...

I can't stand most of those artifical fragrances and they give me a headache. Thank goodness there are fragrance-free lotions and detergents on the market!

ellen abbott said...

I buy unscented everything. and scented air fresheners? What's up with that. Spraying perfume in the air does not freshen the air. Open some windows fer cryin' out loud.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I love how you are becoming this delicate 'hot house orchid' as you get older. You will be that cranky woman at the window yelling at the kids in the street. Good for you.

Personally I like the smell of Lavender but the smell of coconut puts me OFF my nut. It's a vile odor. How did people in the past live in a world of unpleasant smells although Paris in the middle ages smells pretty much like Paris today I suspect.

And don't be dissing sprays that cover up odors. Until you have had to use the toilet AFTER grampa then you don't know the horror.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I am "scentsitive" myself, so it's Ivory bar soap and unscented EVERYTHING! If it's chemical, I DON'T WANNA SMELL IT! I only like natural things like outside smells and chocolate cake baking.

Kabbalah Rookie said...

I bought the Greeench power deodorant from Lush a while back. I used it when I wanted my underarms to smell of Mixed Herbs. Maybe next year they will launch a 'Roast Chicken' body butter, for the full effect.

RexTemples20144 said...

Nice Post~!!!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sweet Cheeks said...

This post smells like popcorn and toffee with a hint of Christmas.

Very Pleasant. I shall come back for seconds.
=]

IndigoWrath said...

I'll sniff this post, but I'm not scratching it first.

Patricia said...

Great post! Smell ya later...

MJenks said...

I live in a southern clime, and yet I know what the smell of cold is.

Also, we went for a while with unscented laundry detergent. We've gone back to the scented Gain, even if it makes us smell like white trash (as one blogger put it). At least we don't smell like well water.

Under the Influence said...

There are a variety of smell combinations that I love. Then there are those that make me wretch. What are those mixologists thinking?

Teena in Toronto said...

I adore smells ... the smellier, the better!

Not The Rockefellers said...

I remember growing up everything either smelled like Irish Spring or Jean Nate or a combination of both. Except Mr. Saltzer..he smelled like kielbasa and mothballs..

Peace ~ Rene

Ponita in Real Life said...

Ah yes... the smell of cold... and it crinkles your nose hairs at the same time.

Yeah, I agree. Too many things are smelly. Strongly smelly. I have going into candle shops or soap shops. They make me sneeze just from the olfactory assault.

I do love lilacs though... real lilacs.

Karen said...

I agree with the over scenting thing. At my office the cleaning crew has gotten into God knows what. Every morning when I walk in the door I'm assaulted with this strange combonation of vanilla, honey, butter and, I swear, hazelnut and french roasted coffee. It permeates my side of the building. Add to that our receptionist has a thing for old lady lotion - you know the really, REALLY floral, sugar, sweet scent that little old ladies wear?

It makes you scared to come to work.