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Sunday, April 11, 2010

I’m Kinda Sorry for My Brain

There was going to be more, so much more to this post – and you shoulda been in my head while I was thinking about it, it was awesome. But I’ve run into a bit of trouble.

I may have killed off the brain cells that came up with it.

And it’s too bad. I really liked those brain cells. They helped balance my checkbook, came up with excuses as to why I couldn’t attend whatever it was I said I would attend and was now going to wienie out of, and held the secret to some of my better blog ideas.


Once again, friends, Romans, and countrymen, in the search for a dark friendly corner, camaraderie, and several Strong Bows, I’ve wiped my brain clean of the stress of the previous week.

Ah, the destructive and restorative properties of alcohol! I’ve lost all those bright ideas that kept me amused last night but I’ve also managed to pull my shoulders out of my ears, their default setting in order to absorb the blows I assume are coming.

I am lucky, of course, in that I’m not a repetitive sort of person and am free to choose when I drink. While I enjoy patterns, I’m leery of the ones that I see in myself.

Oh, and I also don’t like repetition.

Still, an evening with Amy, Diana, and Steph in a booth at the 331 was just the sort of thing that all the best movies and books recommend.

And writers wouldn’t lie to us, would they?

Speaking of which, have you ever listened in on the kinds of dialogue that pleasantly inebriated women indulge in?

I wouldn’t, if I were you. Women are strange and wondrous creatures with the ability to share an astonishing amount of information, but not everyone has the necessary clearance to be present when it’s divulged.

Last night, the conversations included midlife crises, male menopause, pregnancies and other sexually-transmitted wonderments, thong versus full-bottomed undies, and a number of other topics that I could only be coerced into revealing if someone were to buy me, oh, a number of Strong Bows.

The remaining weekends in April have been reserved for a serving job, a trip to Dayton Ohio for the Erma Bombeck Writers Conference and various other appointments.

But I have room on my calendar in May.


Jimmy Bastard said...

"Women are strange and wondrous creatures with the ability to share an astonishing amount of information"

Jaysus.. For the love of all things feminine, what an understatement!

ellen abbott said...

We bemuse and befuddle.

Molly Potter said...

I have also recently destoyed some brain cells. it's always a bit of a random obliteration but they appear to have been the ones that made do things - like move.

Still - like you say - a purging experience (you did say that didn't you?) and I offer you absolution (if you'll return the favour.)

injaynesworld said...

You're going to the Erma Bombeck Writer's Conference? I'm so jealous. Hope you post all about it.

Kavi said...

Well, as long as the biceps are intact and its just the brain cells that are down...well, alls well with the world !


Whatsay ?

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Okay, I had to Google Strong Bow, and I found rave reviews! Apparently it's a bit hard to come by, but I have some tips (thank you, Google) and a new quest. Thank you, Pearl!

IndigoWrath said...

Hey Pearl! Having been present as an "honourary girl" for such a night out, I must say I was exhilerated, flattered and downright horrified in equal measure by the conversation. Good grief, I thought men were bad. I'm game for another, mind you. Indigo

Zaedah said...

I believe our braincells committed mutiny together and are now sharing rental space in Tijuana...

Jen said...

The weak ones die first, so you should be smarter now.

Simply Suthern said...

Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most.

Kevin Musgrove said...

I suspect that one of the reasons why I'm single is that I've heard too many conversations between pleasantly-tipsy women. A lad needs some illusions. But at least I know twenty things to do with natural yoghurt and rather too many things you can do with a spring onion (scallion) and a condom.

Laoch of Chicago said...

I had pause when I came upon the words "male menopause" and hide my head under the pillow.

powdergirl said...

There was going to be more, so much more to this comment, but the previous evening, sitting around a friends shop, pouring over building plans, while pouring in the vintage grape, has rendered me a bit dull today.

Its not the death of brain cells that worries me, the brains not a vital organ for me anyway, its the liver damage which concerns me, that organ I actually use.

Will Shealy said...

I wish I'd found this sooner! Great blog!

ICKY said...

You need salad, and Arrested Development.

Jocelyn said...

I fear by May, you shan't have a single brain cell left. Good news, though: I'm well on my way to meeting you at the blanked-out-staring bottom of the brain well.

IS there a brain well? Did I once know the answer to that?

Tgoette said...

I know exactly what you mean, Pearl. I am so ADD sometimes if I don't write something down or tell someone it immediately, it is gone to the ether of cool bloggy ideas. So drink all you want, but make sure you make a backup disk of your brain for future reference. LOL!