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Friday, April 9, 2010

I Remember My Mom Saying They Couldn’t Take Him Back to the Hospital…

Holy Hannah! Have you look at the calendar lately? It’s Friday again!

And in keeping with the foolishness I have insisted on clinging to these last two and-a-half years, we consult the Magic iPod, Bringer of Tunes both Inspired and Insipid, Provider of Toe Tappage, Involuntary Dance Moves and Aural Oracle.

Eeny Meenie Jellie Beanie, the spirits are about to speak! (Sorry, Bullwinkle!)

Easy (Like Sunday Morning) by Faith No More
Diamonds and Rust by Judas Priest
China Girl by David Bowie
Double Dare by Bauhaus
Wind Up by Foo Fighters
Had A Dad by Jane’s Addiction
Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis by Tom Waits

Well what have I gotten myself into here? Looks rather foreboding, doesn’t it?

If anyone’s looking for me this weekend, I’ll be spinning counterclockwise, maybe spitting towards the moon and sacrificing a rodent or two to ward off whatever darkness is about to befall me.

You got time for a quick story?


My last official purchase whilst still living at my parents’ house – and the mode by which I left it – was a 1968 Ford Falcon, an old car in great shape.

All it needed was speakers for its intriguing stereo system.

And when I refer to a stereo “system”, let us be clear that the “system” was a radio with a built-in cassette player.

I wasted no time in getting two used speakers at a garage sale.

For two dollars, you just knew they had to be good!

I ran the wires from the radio to the speakers in the back and fell asleep that night with dreams of how I would make this car really cool, maybe dropping the chassis, having my name etched into the glass on the driver’s side window, buying a metal clip with a big feather attached to it for a key chain and similar necessary and perfectly legal things.

When I awoke, however, and went out to drive my new car to my new job, I could not help but notice the number of things that had accumulated in my car overnight.

Sand. Lots of sand. A pair of swim fins. Several empty Budweiser beer cans. A man’s swim trunks. A woman’s bikini top but no bottom.

The mind. She boggles.

There was a note on the front seat from my brother. He is one year younger than I and has been the figurative elbow in my ribs since they brought him home from the hospital. Attached to the note was a single dollar bill.

“Hey, Squirrel. Nice car. Ha ha. Nice stereo. You should get another set of used, blown speakers and double your sound quality! Ha ha. Here’s a dollar for you. Buy yourself some gas. Ha ha ha. Your loving brother, Kevin.”

My brother.

He's a funny guy.


Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I assumed his testicles were pickled in lemon juice or did you just let such a crime just pass? If you did then I don't know you at all. Where is they Northern Valkyrie we have all come to know and love.

Willoughby said...

We had the opposite situation in our house. I'm the youngest, so I was the one with the car "issues". I still remember having to ask my brother to come to the rescue when I got the front fender of my car caught in the rear wheel well of my mom's car. I was backing out of the driveway and sort of side-swiped her car. He got the cars unwedged with minimal damage, but reminded me what a bad driver I was for weeks afterward.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Your brother sounds like a HOOT!

Scrappy Doo said...

My brother had the same car. His was baby powder blue. (nothing says bad guy like baby blue :-) )
This was the car he backed over concrete pillars at the 7-11 with then proceeded to drive off leaving his rear bumper, plates still attached and told the cops and Mom that he knew nothing of this crime. LOL!
I don't recall if he had a roach clip hangin from the mirror

Jeanie said...

I suspect there might be an even better story in how you "punished" him. From a girl who could run the wires from the radio speakers in the back before falling asleep, there could have been many kinds of mayhem coming his way.

Simply Suthern said...

68 Falcon. What a classic. I had a 69 mustang. Cassette player? I only had an 8-track mounted under the dash plus the FM converter mounted beside it. Wow, a girl that mounts and wires her own speakers, thats pretty hot.
I had a sister they had to bring home. Not elbows in the ribs but a hair puller.

tashabud said...

I would have wringed his neck, if I were you. Hehehe. Hopefully no babies had materialized from his midnight delights, eh?

Enjoyed reading this post. You are too funny!


Anonymous said...

Tom Waits & David Bowie. I'd like to hear a duet from them. LOVE the note from Kevin. Such a brother. Hey can I call you Squirrel?

j from 'row 48' skybox, city center

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

How sweet is that?
Nothing like the love of a sibling...

Anonymous said...

This is a perfect example of why all brothers need to be taken out back to the wood shed and given a proper showing of 'the ropes'....

Tgoette said...

Ha ha! As a little brother and former "pain in the ass" to my older siblings I could completely relate! I trust that the ensuing kick in the groin was adequate to convey your displeasure at his taking liberties with your car? It always worked for me.

Very interesting musical selections! You have quite eclectic tastes! Well done!

lisleman said...

good story - that will teach not to leave the keys anywhere your kid brother could reach them.
A few months ago you reported an entrepreneur running down your street offering a great deal on speakers. Too bad you didn't run across him back then.

Flea said...

Sand? And your brother's still alive?

Tempo said...

Do tell us about the 'pay back'you inflicted on your brother.

Brian Miller said...

teehee. yeah i was a brother too...
have a wonderful weekend!

Marla said...

I always wanted a brother. Sigh....

Ruthibelle said...

lol... he sounds like a fun guy.