Of course now that I’m a worldwide traveler – particularly if you are willing to allow that flying from Minnesota to Ohio and back constitutes “worldwide” – my head is abuzz with travel-related announcements.
And by golly if I was going to be forced to listen to repetitive airport-ly proclamations, then so were you.
So I took notes.
Did you know that every time I have been to an airport –and admittedly, this includes the airport drop-off and pick-up areas – that the “current threat advisory, as established by the Department of Homeland Security” has been orange?
Orange. Always with the orange.
“The current threat advisory color is orange. The current threat advisory accent color is purple, although blue is acceptable. Green as an accent to orange will not be tolerated.”
There are other broadcast warnings as well, repeated at, oh, four-minute intervals, should the first dozen times you hear them not be enough.
My particular favorite, after the reminder that the current threat level is “orange”, is the one regarding the inadvisability of transporting baggage on behalf of strangers.
Attention, fellow travelers! Have you been approached by anyone requesting that you transport anything on their behalf? You have? Was he about this tall, dark hair and a moustache? Did he mention me by name or say whether or not he was seeing anyone?
What about you, over there! Has anyone but you packed your suitcase? Did you know your odds of being forced to wear pleated pants go up dramatically when someone else packs your bags?
And you there, the good-looking one! Have you left your suitcase unattended recently, spoken harshly to it, or neglected its needs as baggage? In its untended state, if any, have you noticed any mood swings or changes in appetite? How long do you think you can keep this up and still think of this luggage as "yours"?
Yes, it’s a big world out there; and I’ve much to learn. Constant vigilance are my bywords – those and “open bar”, “buy one get one free” and “illegally cars will be towed at owner’s expense”.
When it comes down to it: the airport, the open bar, we are all counting on each other, aren't we, to stay informed.
Just remember: I'm here for you. Stay alert, my friends.
The world needs more lerts.
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